Transcript from the broadcast version of Seer of Love.
Script originally submitted by anna-marie with revisions from chris.
Who's the Boss?
Episode #173 - Seer of Love
Edited version, as aired on ABC Family Channel with revisions from Prime
(Angela is at Feldman's store trying to think what to engrave on the watch for Tony)
Jeweler: Please, lady while your deciding this watch is becoming an antique
Angela: Okay, okay I’ve got the perfect inscription, put “To Tony, I cherish our times”
Angela: Wait, Wait! Cherish sounds too much like that song. You know (starts singing off key) “Cherish is the word I use to describe”. What do you recommend?
Jeweler: Voice lessons
Angela: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just want this to be perfect. You see it’s our 7th anniversary and, well, I have this feeling Tony is getting me something special.
Jeweler: Oh, don’t worry lady, your “husband” is going to love this watch.
Angela: Oh, no, he’s not my “husband”, although we are very close and, lately, we’ve grown a lot closer. I’ve told him I really like him. And he’s told me he really likes me too!
Jeweler: How sweet! Did you two meet at camp?
Angela: Oh, this is a lot more serious than that! We know how we feel about each other even if it is kind of unspoken.
Jeweler: Oh, great! I’ll leave the watch blank!
Angela: No, no, no I want to put something... I’ve got to say something... I’m tried of it being unspoken! I mean its time I tell him exactly how I feel! (Thinks) Put, It’s time I said “I Love You”.
Jeweler: That’s spoken all right. Are you sure, now?
Angela: Absolutely, he is the most wonderful, kindest, most understanding man I’ve ever known!
(Tony comes in the store screaming)
Tony: Would you hurry up in here? I’m double parked on 47th street; the cars over heated and I just got the worst haircut in my life!
(Tony takes off his hat, revealing a buzzcut. Angela is shocked!)
Tony: I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to go it home okay? So, lets move it, move it, move it!
Jeweler: Is that Tony?
Angela: No, No, No
SCENE 1 - ANGELA'S HOUSE
(Mona comes in from the kitchen picks up the watch and unwraps it)
Angela: What are you doing?
Mona: Origami. Look it is a duck! (Makes a sound) Quack, quack, quack.
Angela: Forget it! There is no way I’m telling you what I bought for Tony!
Mona: If you tell me, I’ll tell you what he got you!
Angela: I got him a watch! What did he get me?
Mona: Well, I over heard him say that it was something you slip on and it feels soft against your skin.
Angela: (Thinking) Something soft against my skin that I slip on... I wonder what it is?
Mona: Dummy! It's got to be lingerie!
Angela: No. Oh, no, Tony wouldn’t. I mean, it's so personal. It's so… Do you think so?!
Mona: Sure. You see, first he buys you lingerie and then he wants to see you try it on and then he wants to see you take it off...
Mona: Oh, right, I forgot. That's my life.
Angela: Lingerie huh? Well, now I don’t feel so bad about what I wrote on the back of the watch.
Mona: (Looks at the watch) “Its time I said I love you”? This is from you?... For him?... From you?...
Mona: (Starts singing) "Happy days are here again..."
Angela: I knew it! I knew it it's too much. It's to forward. It's too much!
(Tony comes in from the kitchen)
Mona: It’s too late! (Shouting to Tony) In here!
Tony: Close your eyes.
(Mona closes her eyes)
Tony: Not you, Mona. (To Angela, handing her a present) Happy anniversary!
Angela: (Pretends to act surprised) Oh...my... Tony, you shouldn’t have! Gee, Mother, what could it be? My, goodness its… (Opens the gift and sees it’s “SEAT COVERS”! Shocked, she says) Its wool.
Tony: (Smiling) It’s sheep skin seat covers. Huh, look at that.
Angela: Oh, gee I hardly know what to say.
Mona: How about "baaaaaaaaaaaa".
Tony: You like ‘em, don't you?
Angela: (Faking gratitude) Oh, my, yes! Its just they were… So unexpected.
Tony: You know. It' just that I remember how much you admired mine!
Angela: Oh, well that’s very thoughtful.
Tony: Hey, now just think. You don’t have to worry about those sweat stains from the leather seats!
Mona: Gee, how thoughtful and romantic. (Hands Tony Angela's gift) Why don’t you open Angela’s gift?
Angela: (Grabs the gift from Mona) No, no... After seeing your gift I think mine is, uhhhhh...
Tony: Not good enough? I mean, I did pretty well with the ol' sheep skin! Well, any little thing you might of got me would be fine. Really, give me.
Mona: Give it to him!
Angela: NO!! No, it’s not complete! Uhh, you see it's supposed to come with an attachment and the attachment didn’t come!
Tony: I don’t care.
Mona: (Trying to grab the gift from Angela) He doesn’t care.
Angela: I care. I just want it to be perfect! Okay?
Tony: Okay, are you sure?
Angela: I’m sure. (Changing the subject) So, anyway, were are we going tonight?
Tony: Ohhhh... Some place very special to us!
Angela: Really. What should I wear?
Tony: Well, what you got on is fine. Except, maybe not those earrings, because you might lose them on the old "Tilt-a-Whirl"!
Mona: You're taking her to a carnival?!
Tony: Yeah, yeah. (Sees the reaction on Angela’s face) Oh, you were expecting a fancy dinner or something. Darn, I blew it!
Mona: And you started off so well with the sheep skin!
Tony: I know, I know. Oh Angela, I just thought you that you think it would be sweet, ‘cause remember when I first moved in here we went to the carnival in the old neighborhood, ate cotton candy, went on the roller coaster.
Angela: Right. I threw up on you!
Tony: (Smiles) You do remember!
Angela: I guess it would be kind of nice to relive our first night out. You and me up on the ferris wheel...
Tony: My thoughts exactly.
(Sam comes in from the door with a boy, Fred)
Sam: Hi, guys. We are ready to hit the midway.
Mona: Wait a minute. Are you going, too? (To Fred) Who are you?
Fred: I’m Fred.
Sam: We met in the dorm.
Fred: Well that’s where we met in this lifetime.
Sam: Fred is into past lives.
Fred: Yeah, your daughter and I were lovers ancient Babylon.
Tony: Fred, does the ancient word "eunuch" mean anything to you?
Sam: Dad, it was a 1,000 years ago. Let it go.
(Jonathan comes down upstairs)
Jonathan: Come on, come on. Let’s get going. (To Tony) You driving, Curly?
Tony: (Mimicking Curly, from the Three Stooges) Why, I outta... (Pretends to poke Jonathan in the eyes)
Angela:Oh, so the whole gang is coming, huh?
Tony: oh, it’s everybody’s anniversary so I invited everybody.
Mona: Well, why didn’t I know about this?
Tony: Because I wanted it to be like a big surprise, like the old sheep skin! (To Angela) Okay I’m going to slip these on for you. Bye, bye sweat stains!
Mona: (To Angela) If you don’t throw up on him tonight, I will.
SCENE 2 – AT THE CARNIVAL
(Tony, Angela, Mona, Jonathan, Samantha and Fred are all at a game booth. With the exception of Angela, they are all holding stuffed animals that Tony had won for them.
Man at Booth: He wins yet again! Go away!(Reminiscent of a scene in "Pride of the Yankees")(He hands Tony a stuffed Lady Bug)
Tony: He loves me, this guy. Okay, who hasn't got one yet? Oh, oh, Angela, this bug's for you.... Uh, everything okay?
Angela: Eating dinner.(She's chewing on some kind of taffy-like substance)
Tony: Yeah, well, you just haven't said anything in a long time.
Angela: Well, dinner's chewy.
Mona: Look kids, whatdya say we ditch these two stiffs and get something else to eat.
Kids: Sounds good!
Tony: (Voice-over) Eat some more, that'll be good for you.
Mona: Now, you two are on your own.
Mrs Rossini: (from a distance) Tony! Tony!
Mona: (grabbing Angela) Quick! Hide!
Tony: Hey, Mrs. Rossini. (Hugs her)
Mrs. Rossini: Oh, I'm so glad you made it.(She puts an arm around Angela's and Tony's shoulders) So what are we gonna do first?
Mona: We are going to leave them alone.(She puts her arm around Mrs. R's shoulder and starts to lead her away) Let's try the parachute jump. I'll pack your chute.
Mrs. R says to Tony and Angela: She is such a riot!
Mona: She's gonna make such a big hole!
Mrs. R.: Not if I land on you.
Tony: Have a good time. (He watches them, affectionately, as they walk away. He turns to Angela. She's looking rather morose, so he gets a little tongue-tied) They're cu... They're cute. So, I guess it's just you and me.
(Tony and Angela are walking around. He's very eager to try to please her now)
Tony: Oh, well I got an idea. Why don’t you decide what you want to do and, no matter what it is, we'll do it. You name it. Anything you want to do, we'll do it. Anything. Go ahead.
Angela: Why not the Fortune Teller?
Tony: Oh, not the Fortune Teller.
(Angela gives Tony and annoyed look)
Tony: Oh, all right. She’s probably good. I mean, she has her own tent.
Angela: Aren’t you a little curious of what the future holds?
Tony: Well, to tell you the truth, I would like to know how long I’m going to be tasting this corn dog.
(Enters the tent sees the Fortune Teller doing something)
Tony: Oh, she must be trying to conjure up sprits huh?
Fortune Teller: No, I’m trying to clear my sinuses. This is a vaporizer. (Motions for Tony and Angela to sit down) Please sit down. (Blows her nose) Now, who’s first? (Extends her hand, so that she can read Tony or Angela's palm)
(Tony and Angea, at the same time, because neither wants to touch the Fortune Teller's germ-filled hands)
Tony: She is.
Angela: He is.
(Tony and Angela smile at each other)
Fortune Teller: (Taking Tony's Hand) Give Madame Alexandra your hand and I will predict your future.
Tony: I predict I’m going to get a severe cold.
Fortune Teller: You have very strong hands. Healing, helping hands. You are a doctor.
Tony: Close. Ahousekeeper.
Fortune Teller: Your wife's a doctor?
Tony: Ad. Exec. and she’s not my wife.
Fortune Teller: Fianc&eactute;e?
Fortune Teller: Girlfriend?
Tony: Sorry, time is up! Survey says my best friend and my boss.
Fortune Teller: Boy am I off. This phlegm is blocking my predictions.
Tony: Thank you for sharing that.
Fortune Teller: All right, you are not married now, but you were, but not to each other.
Tony: That’s correct.
Fortune Teller: I’m back! You have a child...
Fortune Teller: A daughter...
Fortune Teller: ...and 2 sons.
Tony: No, and you were on such a row!
Angela: Well, in a way she is right. Jonathan is like a son to you and there was Billy.
Fortune Teller: Ahhhh, Billy! That’s it! Who’s Billy?
Tony: Ahhh, he was this kid that was living with us while his grandma was sick and then she got better so he went…………
(Fortune Teller cuts him off)
Fortune Teller: To live with her right
Tony: (Sarcastic) How does she do that?
Tony: I’m sorry. Tell me my future.
Fortune Teller: I see change in a relationship with somebody very close to you and things will never be the same.
Tony: Excuse me, but my relationships are just fine the way they are. Thank you.
Fortune Teller: I sense otherwise.
Tony: Well, you also sensed that I was a doctor. No, no, to tell you the truth, the last seven years have been just perfect and I would like the next seven to be exactly the same.
Fortune Teller: No, no, deep down, there is something you want to change.
Tony: Well, there is one thing.
Fortune Teller: Yes?
Angela: (Her ears perking up) What is it, Tony?
Tony: My barber.
(Angela, angry and annoyed at Tony, exits)
Tony: Oh, Angela wait a minute!
Fortune Teller: Oh, boy. She’s mad.
Tony: (Sarcastic) Boy, you are good at this!
(Tony gets up to leave. The Fortune Teller stops him)
Fortune Teller: I’m not finished with you, Anthony Morton Micelli.
Tony: Ay oh, oh ay. Take it easy with that “Morton"... Wait a minute. How did you know that was my middle name?
Fortune Teller: So I’m right?
Fortune Teller: Boy that decongestant must be kicking in. (Predicting the future) "It’s time I said I love you”.
Tony: It’s a crush. You’ll get over it.
Fortune Teller: No, no, I see those words written across time. You are at a crucial crossroad. The planets are perfectly aligned for the last time, tonight.
Tony: Aligned for what?
Fortune Teller: True love. The woman you kiss by midnight will be yours forever.
Tony: I think you vaporized more than your sinuses.
Fortune Teller: No! If you don’t kiss her, you will lose your true love forever...Morton.
(Tony thinks for a moment and then exits, to find Angela, who Angela is at a Gallery playing one of those hammer games to test your strength. She isn't doing very well)
SCENE 3 – CARNIVAL GALLERY
(Angela makes a weak hit)
Gallery Operator: Okay, not bad. That time I actually saw it move. Come on give it another whack.
Tony: Hey Angela... Angela...
(Angela sees Tony and hits the machine again, making a perfect score. She does it, again)
Tony: Wow! (Super Mario Bros. catch phrase) "It's hammer time!" Hey, I’m sorry if I was clowning around in there, but you got to admit, that psychic was pretty weird.
Angela: (Angry) Uhhh huh.
Tony: And then after you left, she started getting really nuts. She started going on about kisses and seeing “I Love you” written across time, whatever that means.
Angela: (Surprised) Really?
Tony: Yeah, and then she says that, tonight I’m in the risk of loosing my true love forever.
Tony: It’s crazy, huh?
Angela: Oh, yeah, real crazy. (Hands Tony the watch) Happy Anniversary.
(Angela storms out)
Tony: Hey, wait a minute! Let me look at the present.
(Tony opens the present and reads what it says on there)
Tony: Ahhh, it’s a watch here. (Reading the inscription and shocked) “It’s Time I Said I Love You”. Way to go, "Morton".
SCENE 4 – AROUND THE CARNIVAL
(Mona, Mrs. Rossini, Jonathan, Sam and Fred are walking around. Mrs. Rossini spots an attraction)
Mrs. R: Oh, look! It's "Jo-Jo, the Dog-Faced Boy"!
MONA: How are you going to tell the difference?
(Tony approaches them)
Tony: Hey, guys. Look what Angela gave me for our anniversary. I really blew it.
(Tony shows the watch to everybody)
Mrs. Rossini: Oh, my, that is beautiful. So, how did you blow it?
Sam: He got her seat covers.
(Gives Tony a hit in the head)
Mrs. Rossini: (In Italian) Stunada!
Tony: Who expected this? Who knew she felt this way?
ALL: I Knew.
Fred: I had a hunch.
Mona: Get on the ball! Tell her how you feel about her.
Tony: No, come on Mona. This is all happening a little fast here for me.
Mona: Fast? In seven years, communism has crumbled. Elizabeth Taylor got thin...got fat, got thin, got fat, got thin, got fat...
(Mrs. Rossini shakes her head in agreement)
Tony: Mona, come on. I’m in the middle of my own problems.
Mona: Face it. This relationship is never going to work out.
(Mona exits to the attraction)
Mrs. Rossini: You are going to lose her forever. Mona wait for me!
(Mrs. Rossini exits, following Mona)
Jonathan: I don’t necessary agree with them, but they have my ride tickets.
(Jonathan exits, following Mona and Mrs. Rossini)
Tony: Lose her forever? Wait a minute... That’s what that psychic said. That hocus-pocus stuff can’t be true, right?
Fred: There are some things that science cannot explain.
Tony: Yeah, like what you're doing with my daughter.
Sam: Dad, look, it doesn’t take a psychic to see that this is the kind of thing that can break people up.
Tony: It is, isn’t it?
Sam: Yeah, Dad, she told you she loves you. So, know the only thing that matters is, do you feel the same way?
Tony: Well, yeah.
Sam: Then Dad, why can’t you just tell her?
Tony: Because I’m afraid to, Samantha. I mean, this is the most important friendship of my life and if we take the next step and it doesn’t work out, I could end up losing everything!
Sam: I think you running that risk now, Dad.
Tony: I gotta find her, huh?
Tony: And I only got half-an-hour.
Sam: For what?
Tony: To get a kiss. That psychic said that the last woman I kiss before midnight will be mine forever.
(A nun comes up to him)
Sister Mary Francis: Oh, Tony! Tony Micelli! I haven't seen you in years!
Tony: Thank you, sister. We'll be seeing a lot of each other in the near future!
(Tony exits to find Angela)
SCENE 5 – AT A GALLERY
(Tony walks up to Angela)
Tony: Oh, Angela I’m so glad I found you, well we have to talk
Angela: (Holding a gun, for the attraction she's at. She pretends to load it) I’m tired of talking.
Tony: Then I suppose a kiss is out of the question.
Angela: Forget it. I heard everything I needed to hear in the tent.
Tony: No, no, no. This, you should hear. Angela, look... Ahhhh, I love…the watch. No, that’s not what I meant. I meant, I love what the watch says. I mean, it’s a lovely watch, its lovely. What it says, you know. It's lovely. You know what I mean.
Angela: Yes, and I hope you and the watch will be very happy.
(Angela walks away from Tony, angrily)
Tony: Wait Angela. Angela, please wait.
(Angela knocks over a stilt walker. Tony follows, with two clowns throwing bowling pins over his head)
SCENE 6 – TUNNEL OF LOVE
(Angela enters a swan and Tony jumps in, from another swan to hers)
Tony: Well, look. Here we are. The Tunnel of Love. It must be fate. Kiss me.
Angela: I would rather gouge out my eyes with a dull instrument.
Tony: At least you’re talking to me. Does that mean you’re not mad at me anymore?
Tony: I don’t blame you.
Angela: Oh, Tony. I’m more mad at myself. It’s not your fault. I let my expectations get out of hand. I should have known better.
Tony: Oh, you know. You live, you learn... Kiss me.
Angela: What is your problem?
Tony: Look, Angela. I know I was insensitive in there, but if you don’t make up with me, I’ll do something drastic, Angela... I’ll Jump! (Getting ready to jump)
Angela: Tony, sit down. You're going to tip us over!
Tony: Good-bye, Angela!
(Tony jumps of the swan thinking that it’s really deep, although it's only knee-deep)
Angela: (Sarcastic) Try not to panic. I’ll go for help.
Announcer: (Over the loudspeaker) Attention! The carnival will be closing in two minutes.
Tony: It’s almost midnight. (Gets back on the swan, dripping wet. He leans over to kiss Angela)
Angela: Wait! what are you doing?
Tony: I am not letting you out of this place until we make up and seal it with a kiss
Angela: Why is it so important to kiss me?
Tony: Because I don't want to marry Sister Mary Francis!
(Angela mouths "What?")
Tony: Look, that Madame Alexandra... The psychic... She said if I don’t kiss you by midnight, I could lose you forever.
Angela:Oh, I see. Now you believe her!
Tony: Well, no, but she was right about the watch, so why take a chance!
Angela: Oh, I understand. So, it's like, if you see a ladder, you don’t walk under it.
Tony: Right, right! If you see a black cat, you don’t go strolling through its path.
Angela: So this is an insurance kiss.
Tony: Yeah. (Realizing what Angela just said) No, no! That’s not what I mean. That’s not what I mean. Look, this has nothing to do with her stupid predictions. Its just that, I mean, if there’s one chance in a million that I could lose you, then I don’t want to take it!
Tony: (Without thinking, blurts out) Because “I Love You”!
Angela: (Smiles) What did you say?
Tony: (Nervous) What did you hear? No, No. I said it and I meant it. I love you. I've loved you for a long time. The only reason why I haven’t said it before was because I was afraid of losing what we have. But, ummm, if loving you is going to ruin that, then I’m willing to ruin it.
Angela: You would ruin our friendship for love?
Tony: In a second. I'd throw it in the garbage. I'd spit on it. I'd flush it down the toilet.
Angela: (Touched) Oh, Tony, that is so beautiful.
(They Kiss. The lights go off)
Announcer: (Over loudspeaker) The carnival has now closed!
Angela: (Breaking off the kiss) Tony, the carnival's closing. We could get locked in here all night.
Tony: Oh, yeah. We better call for help. (In a whisper) Help…help.
Angela: (In a whisper) Oh, help!
Tony: (In a whisper) Help, help, help. (In normal voice) Well, we tried.