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139. Her Father's Daughter [ - ]
by jasonc_wtbr
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Transcript from the "Revised Table Draft" script of Her Father's Daughter.

Who's the Boss?
Episode #139 - Her Father's Daughter

Please note that this is a transcript of the actual Her Father's Daughter script (revised table draft). As such, there may be some differences from the aired version.

Rev. Table Draft
Jan. 16, 1990

WHO'S THE BOSS?

"Her Father's Daughter"

Executive Producers
Martin Cohan
and
Blake Hunter

Co-Executive Producers
Karen Wengrod & Ken Cinnamon

Supervising Producer
Danny Kallis

Produced by
Joe Fisch
and
John Anderson

Directed by
Tony Danza
&
Gail L. Kennedy

Written by
Toni Perling

Episode: #0618
Tape: Jan. 19, 1990

ACT ONE

SCENE ONE
(Tony, Mona, Samantha, Bonnie)

FADE IN:

INT. BOWER LIVING ROOM -- EVENING
(MONA IS SITTING ON THE SOFA. SAM AND BONNIE BURST IN)

SAMANTHA/BONNIE
(SINGING - GOOFING ON IT)
WHERE THE BOYS ARE...
SOMEONE WAITS FOR ME...

MONA
I know where the boys are. And I"m keeping them for myself.

SAMANTHA
We know, too. Fort Lauderdale! And that's where we're going for winter break.

MONA
Where ten thousand kids meet on five thousand beach blankets. Think of hte possibilities.

BONNIE
That's right. Two people per blanket.
(THEN)
Unless of course there's three people on one blanket, and one guy with a blanket all by himself. Or, what if there's an empty blanket somewhere...
(RUBS HER FOREHEAD)
Do you have an aspirin?

MONA
Take two. And don't call me.
(THEN)
Sam, what makes you think your father's going to let you go?

SAMANTHA
I'm seventeen, I'm responsible, it's my money. What father wouldn't let me go?

MONA
Your father.

SAMANTHA
What father can I ask?
(TONY ENTERS IN SWEATS FROM A RUN. HE CONTINUES TO JOG IN PLACE THROUGHOUT)

TONY
Hi, Sam. Bonnie. Mona, sweet, Mona. This is such a great day. I feel terrific.

SAMANTHA
(WHEELS TURNING)
So now would be a good time to ask you for something, right?

TONY
Sure.

MONA
(SHOVING SAM ASIDE)
Could you re-upholster my couch?

TONY
Again? No. HOw do you wear it out so fast? Never mind. Sam?

SAMANTHA
Can I go to Fort Lauderdale for winter break?

TONY
Yes!

SAMANTHA
Yes?

TONY
Yes! Yes, yes, yes. In fact, I was at the Parent's Association meeting last night and they asked me to chaperone the class trip.

SAMANTHA
No! No, no, no.

TONY
I know what you're thinking, Sam.
(GESTURES TO SELF)
Papa "Cramp-Your-Style" Micelli. But you've got nothing to worry about. You won't even know I'm there.
(HE HEADS FOR STAIRS, SINING)
WHERE THE BOYS ARE
PAPA'S SURE TO BE

SAMANTHA
Dad...

TONY
You didn't let me finish.
(SINGING)
BUT HE WILL NOT CRAMP
SAMANTHA'S STYLE
(TONY EXITS UPSTAIRS)

SAMANTHA
I'm going to have the worst winter break of my entire life. Maybe I should just stay home.

MONA
No, you're going. And you're going to take Angela with you.

SAMANTHA
Oh, that'll make it much better.

MONA
Don't you see? It's a perfect plan. She'll keep Tony occupied.

SAMANTHA
Brilliant!

MONA
And I'll get a chance to hunt down the keys top her safe deposit box.

BONNIE
I don't know. Sounds manipulative. But then, so was E.T. And everybody liked that.
(SAM AND MONA STARE AT HER FOR A BEAT, ANGELA AND JONATHAN ENTER FROM THE FRONT DOOR)

SAMANTHA
Say, Angela, wouldn't it be neat if you joined us in Fort Lauderdale? You and Dad could be, like, co-chaperones.

ANGELA
You want me to keep him out of your hair, huh?

SAMANTHA
Would you?

ANGELA
I'd love to, but I'm needed here. Jonathan's got his first big date this weekend. Chelsea Tyler.

SAMANTHA
Hey, way to go, "studly."

ANGELA
(PROUDLY. PUTTING HER ARM AROUND HIM)
My little man may need me around for moral support.

JONATHAN
(EMBARRASSED)
It's okay, Ma. Go.

ANGELA
Are you sure you'll be okay?

JONATHAN/MONA
Yes, Ma. Go.

ANGELA
Well, if you're sure. Tony could use my help. Being in advertising, I do have a certain rapport with today's teens.
(TO JONATHAN)
Don't forget the wrist corsage.

JONATHAN
I got to wear a flower?

MONA
Who are these people?

DISSOLVE TO:

ACT ONE

SCENE TWO
(Tony, Angela, Samantha, Bonnie, Tim, Gene, Students)

EXT. FORT LAUDERDALE BEACH - A FEW DAYS

LATER

(THE BEACH IS COVERED WITH COPPERTONE JUNKIES)

SFX: ROCK MUSIC BLARING FROM RADIOS

(TONY AND ANGELA, IN BEACH ATTIRE, ENTER CARRYING BLANKETS, TOWELS AND BEACH GEAR. THEY TRY TO MAKE THEIR WAY THROUGH THE CROWD WITHOUT STEPPING ON ANYONE)

ANGELA
Tony, that space back there was fine.

TONY
No, no. I want a space where all the kids can be together.

ANGELA
This would be perfect if you just ask that lady to move a little to the left.
(ANGELA POINTS TO AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN IN A BIKINI, WHO'S ON HER STOMACH SUNBATHING)

TONY
No problem.
(AS TONY APPROACHES, THE WOMAN REACHES BEHIND HER BACK AND UNDOES HER TOP. TONY REACTS)
Angela, I can't ask her to move now.
(THEN)
Well, why not...

ANGELA
We can squeeze in here.
(THEY STEP OVER A COUPLE OF BODIES AND START UNPACKING THEIR GEAR)
You know, Tony. I've been thinking about this chaperone thing. I don't want the kids to look at me as an authority figure. I want them to look at me as a pal. A pal they can rap with.

TONY
(EYEING SUNBATHER)
That girl's going to catch her death.

ANGLE ON SAM AND BONNIE APPROACHING THE BEACH

BONNIE
(TAKING IT ALL IN)
I'm in heaven. We've got the beach, we've got the sun.

(A GROUP OF GUYS PASS BY)

SAMANTHA
We've got ten thousand guys.

TONY (O.S.)
(THROUGH A BULL HORN)
Attention! Fairfield High junior class!

SAMANTHA
He's cramping.

TONY (O.S.)
(THROUGH BULL HORN)
Orientation meeting right now. Dead east of the topless woman.

(NEARBY MALE SUNBATHERS ALL JUMP UP AND LOOK AROUND)

MALE #1
Which way is east?

BONNIE
(OFF SAM'S REACTION)
Let's just get it over with.
(THEY HEAD TOWARD TONY)

ANGLE ON: TONY, ANGELA AND THREE GIRLS AND FOUR GUYS

(SAM AND BONNIE APPROACH)

TONY
Okay, listen up. You're all here to have a good time. And that's just fine with me.

ANGELA
(MS. HIP)
Cool with me, too.

(TONY GIVES ANGELA A LOOK)

TONY
Let's just make a few things clear.

SAMANTHA
(ASIDE TO BONNIE)
I knew this was going to happen. Here it comes. Five minutes of all the things we can't do.

TONY
You can do anything you want.

SAMANTHA
(TO BONNIE)
What did I tell you?

TONY
Just be responsible...

SAMANTHA
Do you believe him?

TONY
...and use a little common sense.

SAMANTHA
It's worse than I thought.

BONNIE
Sam, he sounds pretty reasonable to me.

SAMANTHA
That's what he wants you to think.

TONY
So I know we're all going to have a good time.

ANGELA
(THE "HIPSTER")
Yeah. This place is going to swing bigger than a Fine Young Cannibals concert.
(TONY GIVES ANGELA A LOOK)
You know. "She Drives Me Crazy."

TONY
I can relate.
(THEN)
Okay, troops. Don't do anything I would do.

(EVERYBODY LAUGHS EXCEPT FOR SAM. THEY DISPERSE. AS ANGELA STARTS TO "RAP" WITH SOME KIDS, TONY PULLS SAM ASIDE)

TONY (CONT'D)
Sam, do I detect a little attitude here?

SAMANTHA
Dad, we discussed this. Everybody's here to get away from school and parents, and all I'm getting away from is school.

TONY
Okay, don't think of me as your dad, think of me as your chaperone.

SAMANTHA
(HESITATES, THEN)
Okay. Then I'm not your daughter, I'm your "chaperonee."

TONY
But you should listen to your chaperone as if he's your father.
(OFF SAM'S LOOK)
Just kidding. Go.

(BONNIE APPROACHES WITH TWO GOOD-LOOKING YOUNG MEN, TIM AND GENE)

BONNIE
Hey, Sam. Look who talked to me. This is Tim and Gene.

(AD LIB HELLOS)

TONY
(FRIENDLY)
Hey, guys. How you doing?

SAMANTHA
This is my...chaperone. Tony.

BONNIE
Tim and Gene are waiters at the hotel.

TIM
(TO SAM)
Come on, we'll show you where the locals hang out.

SAMANTHA
Where's that?

TIM
Where there aren't any chaperones.
(HE LAUGHS AT THIS JOKE. TONY LAUGHS, BUT HE'S NOT AMUSED. ANGELA APPROACHES)

SAMANTHA
Great. See you later...Tony.

(TONY WATCHES THEM EXIT)

ANGELA
They made friends already. How nice.

TONY
Yeah, how nice.
(THEN, THROUGH BULL HORN TOWARDS SAM)
Remember. Ten o'clock curfew. Nine theirty's better.
(SAM TURNS AND GIVES HIM A DISAPPROVING LOOK)

ANGELA
Good work. You just undid a whole morning's worth of coolness.

TONY
I know. I trust her judgment.
(THEN, THROUGH BULL HORN)
I trust your judgment, Sam. Disregard previous message.
(THEN)
Sam? Sam? You hear me?

(A BIG MUSCLE-BOUND LIFE GUARD APPROACHES, GRABS BULL HORN, SHOVES IT INTO THE SAND)

TONY (CONT'D)
(INTIMIDATED)
I trust your judgment, too.
(THE LIFEGUARD SNEERS AT TONY AND EXITS. HE TRUNS TO ANGELA)

ANGELA
Tony, the kids will be fine. Let's enjoy the day.

TONY
You're right. Slick me down, mama.
(HE HANDS HER THE SUNTAN LOTION)
SPF 20. I'm sun sensitive.
(HE LIES BACK ON THE TOWEL)
Oh-oh. I think I felt a drop. Or are you drooling?

ANGELA
Let me put it like this, Tony. There's not a cloud in the sky.

SFX: THUNDERCLAP

TONY
Angela, your stomach's grumbling.

SFX: A LOUDER THUNDERCLAP

(THE SKY DARKENS. EVERYBODY RUNS FOR COVER, INCLUDING TONY AND ANGELA)

TONY
And I just did my hair!

DISSOLVE TO:

ACT ONE

SCENE THREE
(Mona, Jonathan)

INT. BOWER LIVING ROOM -- SAME NIGHT

(MONA WAITS BY THE STAIRS AS JONATHAN DESCENDS, DRESSED FOR HIS DATE)

JONATHAN
Grandma, what do you think? Should I undo one button...
(DEMONSTRATES, THEN UNBOTTONS THE SECOND BUTTON EXPOSING SOME CHEST)
...or two?

MONA
What did you do, wax your chest?

JONATHAN
Guess I'll go with one.

MONA
(AS SHE BUTTONS HIS SHIRT ALL THE WAY UP)
Nowadays they're buttoning it all the way up. So, where are you taking Chelsea tonight?

JONATHAN
I've got it all planned. First, we're going to Cap'n Andy's for the All-You-Can-Eat Shrimp Special. Then, we're going to see Jaws 5. Then, we're going to top the night off with some dancing at "The Shark's Den". Get it? It's a theme night.

MONA
Fish?

JONATHAN
(OF COURSE NOT)
No, fun. I want Chelsea to know how much I like her.

MONA
Then don't try so hard. Be yourself. She'll like you.

JONATHAN
I hope so. It's costing me $29.85...
(THEN THINKING)
...unless she orders the Tub-o-Popcorn.
(HE PULLS OUT A SMALL CHANGE PURSE, OPENS IT AN LOOKS IN)
Hmm. Grandma, can I borrow some money?

MONA
Of course, honey. I keep it in your mother's jewelry drawer. The key's underneath her dresser.
(AS JONATHAN STARTS UP THE STAIRS)
And while you're there, get some for me.

(JONATHAN EXITS)

SFX: THE PHONE RINGS

(MONA ANSWERS)

MONA (CONT'D)
Hello...Oh, ahoy, Chelsea...
(SHE GIGGLES AT HER JOKE. THEN SERIOUS)
You can't make it?...Well, don't you want to tell him yourself?...Oh.
(SHE HANGS UP THE PHONE)
Sure, I'll tell him.
(ON HER REACTION:)

CUT TO:

ACT ONE

SCENE FOUR
(Sam, Bonnie, Tim, Gene)

INT. SAM/BONNIE'S HOTEL ROOM - SAME NIGHT

(THE ROOM IS SIMPLY FURNISHED: TWO SINGLE BEDS, A DRESSER. IT'S STILL RAINING. SAM AND BONNIE SIT ON THEIR BEDS, DEPRESSED)

SAMANTHA
Great winter break. I wish we had some guys to hang out with.

SFX: KNOCK ON DOOR

(SAM LOOKS THROUGH THE PEEPHOLE)

SAMANTHA
(GASPS, THEN WHISPERS TO BONNIE)
It's guys!

BONNIE
Wow, you're good. Quick, wish for a Barcolounger.

(SAM REACTS AND OPENS THE DOOR. THE GUYS ARE CARRYING A TRAY WITH SOME SNACKS)

TIM
Room service.

SAMANTHA
(PLAYING IT COOL)
Oh, hello.

BONNIE
We didn't order anything.
(SAM SHOOTS BONNIE A LOOK)
But hey, I can always eat.

TIM
This is on the house. We wanted you to feel at home.

GENE
Think of us as the welcome wagon.

SAMANTHA
Well, welcome.

(TIM AND GENE ENTER)

BONNIE
(OFF THE TRAY)
Oooh look, deviled ham.

(TIM STARTS TO CLOSE THE DOOR)

SAMANTHA
Uh, maybe we better leave that open. Our chaperone might not like that.

TIM
Who cares?

SAMANTHA
Well, he's also my dad.

TIM
So? I've made a few dads mad in my time.

(TIM, GENE, AND BONNIE LAUGH. SAM JOINS IN. TIM CLOSES THE DOOR)

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL LOBBY - CONTINUOUS

(TONY AND ANGELA ARE SEATED NEAR THE WINDOW. NEARBY IS DOROTHY, PRIM AND SIXTY-ISH, READING A NEWSPAPER)

ANGELA
(LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW AT THE POURING RAIN)
The forecast says rain all weekend. I feel so sorry for the kids.

TONY
Don't feel too sorry.
(SHOWS HER A LONG LIST)
A good chaperone always comes prepared with rainy day fun.
(OFF LIST)

TONY (CONT'D)
Look. Knock-hockey, charades, making origami animals. I'm getting excited. Let's go get the kids.

(HE STARTS TO GET UP. ANGELA PULLS HIM BACK DOWN)

ANGELA
Tony, sit. You know why everybody wanted me to come with you this weekend?

TONY
So Mona could find your safe deposit key?

ANGELA
Don't be ridiculous.
(THEN)
I'm here to distract you.

TONY
You don't say.

ANGELA
(FLIRTATIOUSLY)
How am I doing?

TONY
(FLIRTING BACK)
I'm distracted.

ANGELA
(MOVING IN CLOSER)
Isn't this better than origami animals?

TONY
Yeah. But who's going to chaperone the chaperones?

ANGELA
(EVEN MORE FLIRTATIOUS)
I guess we'll have to be on the honor system.

(TONY WHIMPERS)

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS

(SAM, BONNIE, TIM AND GENE SIT ON THE BED, EATING THE SNACKS AND LAUGHING)

TIM
...So Gene forgot my suit, we wind up at the restaurant wearing jams and thongs.

(THEY ALL LAUGH)

BONNIE
Don't that beat all?

(THEY ALL LOOK AT HER)

SAMANTHA
(TO TIM AND GENE)
You guys are so lucky. You get to party all year round.

TIM
You know what's really lucky? Meeting two girls like you.

SAMANTHA
Come on. You meet girls all the tiem.

TIM
But you two are special.

GENE
Yeah, really special.

BONNIE
(FLATTERED)
Really?

(SAM ISN'T BUYING IT, CAN'T BELIEVE BONNIE IS)

TIM
I mean, you're not like the girls down here. You're...classy.

GENE
Yeah, real classy.

BONNIE
Well, my mother was an equestrian.

(A BEAT OF SILENCE)

TIM
You know, I have a great idea. But, nah. Better not.

BONNIE
What, what?

SAMANTHA
(SUSPICIOUS)
What?

TIM
Well, I was just thinking of inviting you to see our apartment. See how the locals live.

GENE
Maybe we shouldn't do that. We wouldn't want to give the girls the wrong idea.

BONNIE
I don't have the wrong idea. I don't have any idea.

TIM
Perfect. Let's go.

SAM
Why can't we just stay here?

TIM
Well, for one thing we'd have more privacy. We each have our own room.

BONNIE
On a waiter's salary?

GENE
Yeah.
(GENE PUTS HIS ARM AROUND BONNIE)

TIM
Come see.
(HE PUTS HIS ARM AROUND SAM AND STARTS TO USHER HER TO THE DOOR)

SAMANTHA
(SHOVES HIS ARM OFF)
Hey ho! I'm not going anywhere. And neither is she.

BONNIE
Why not?

SAMANTHA
Because these guys are total sleazes.

BONNIE
No, they're not.
(SHE TURNS TO TIM AND GENE)
Are you?

SAMANTHA
Bonnie, don't ask them!
(AS SHE SHOVES THEM OUT THE DOOR)
Out! Out! Out!
(SHE SLAMS THE DOOR)

BONNIE
I can't believe you! Gene said I was "special" and "classy." Five minutes more and I would have been "bewitching."

SAMANTHA
Bonnie, those guys hit on every tourist who comes down here. They won't even remember our names tomorrow.

BONNIE
You mind if I make my own decisions? Don't run my life.

SAMANTHA
I'm not running your life.

BONNIE
You control everything. Like last week when we were watching TV. I wanted to watch "911," but no, you had to see "Matlock."

SAMANTHA
Who remembers these things?

BONNIE
I do. I'm sick and tired of you telling me what to do.

SAMANTHA
Bonnie, I saved you.

BONNIE
Yeah, from having a good time!

SAMANTHA
You were in over your head.

BONNIE
Hey, I don't need a lifeguard. Or a mother. And I don't want you as my roommate either.

SAMANTHA
Fine.
(SAM EXITS)

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

BONNIE
(CALLING FROM THE ROOM)
Fine!
(BONNIE SLAMS THE DOOR)

SAMANTHA
Don't that beat all.

(ON SAM'S UPSET REACTION, WE:)

FADE OUT

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

SCENE ONE
(Angela, Tony, Samantha, Tim, Dorothy)

FADE IN:

INT. HOTEL LOBBY - MOMENTS LATER

(ANGELA AND TONY ARE STILL SEATED NEAR THE WINDOW, STILL FLIRTATIOUS, NOW LEANING IN CLOSE TO EACH OTHER. DOROTHY, THE GUEST, IS STILL READING)

ANGELA
I don't know about you, but I find rainy nights romantic.

TONY
(GAZING IN HER EYES)
Really? I find misty sunsets romantic.

ANGELA
(GAZING BACK)
Do you? I like watching the waves break on the beach at dawn.

TONY
(LEANING IN)
Well, I like the whispering breeze of a warm summer evening.

ANGELA
(LEANING IN MORE)
Hmmmmm. I think I like everything you like.

TONY
Hmmmmm. I know I like everything you --

(DOROTHY JUMPS UP)

DOROTHY
(FRUSTRATED)
Are you two going to do anything, or just sit here and pant all night?

(TONY AND ANGELA REACT. AS DOROTHY STORMS OFF)

DOROTHY (CONT'D)
Youth is wasted on the young.

(TONY AND ANGELA, SUDDENLY UNCOMFORTABLE, MOVE FAR APART FROM EACH OTHER. THE SPELL IS BROKEN)

ANGLE ON SAM ENTERING THE LOBBY

(SHE SPOTS TONY AND ANGELA AND STARTS TO TURN AWAY)

TONY
Look, there's Sam. Sam, come over here.

(SAM APPROACHES)

SAMANTHA
Hi.

TONY
Sam, what's the matter?

SAMANTHA
Nothing. I just got sick of being in my room.
(SAM TURNS AND WALKS AWAY)

ANGELA
Tony, go talk to her.

TONY
What? I thought you were supposed to keep me out of her hair.

ANGELA
I can read teens. That girl needs her chaperone.

TONY
Okay, but if she yells at me, it's your fault.
(TONY RUNS AFTER SAMANTHA)

TONY
Sam, wait up.
(SAM TURNS. TONY APPROACHES)
Look as your dad, I know something's wrong. And as your chaperone, you can tell me what it is.

SAMANTHA
(THINKS, THEN)
Okay. It has to do with boys...and sex.

TONY
Okay, okay. I knew this was going to happen some day. I'm prepared. I can handle it.

SAMANTHA
(QUICKLY)
It's not my boy, it's not my sex.

TONY
(RELIEVED)
Thank god.

SAMANTHA
It's Bonnie.

TONY
What?!

SAMANTHA
Don't worry, Dad. I threw the guys out of the room.

TONY
(RELIEVED, LOOKS HEAVENWARD)
Thanks again.

SAMANTHA
Then Bonnie threw me out of the room.

TONY
Why?

SAMANTHA
Because I threw the boys out of the room.

TONY
I'm starting to get it. And I like it.

SAMANTHA
Bonnie said I was making decisions for her and sticking my nose in her business.

TONY
(CHUCKLES, SELF-SATISFIED)
Ahhhhh...you know what this means? It means you're just like me.

(SAM BRISTLES)

SAMANTHA
No, I'm not.

TONY
Yes, you are.

SAMANTHA
No. I just felt that Bonnie --

TONY
Needed your guidance.

SAMANTHA
Right. And that she --

TONY
Would get herself in trouble if you didn't intervene.

SAMANTHA
Right. Look, I admit I --

TONY
May have come on a little strong, but you only did it because you love her.

SAMANTHA
Exactly.

TONY
(GLOATING)
It's a done deal, Sam. You're a carbon copy of your old amn.
(TONY FOLDS HIS ARMS)

SAMANTHA
I am not.
(SHE FOLDS HER ARMS)

TONY
(ENJOYING THIS: OFF SAM'S STANCE)
I wish I had a mirror right now.

SAMANTHA
Dad, I may have dark hair, I may have brown eyes, I may be Italian. But I am not, repeat, I am not like you.

TONY
(STARTING TO GET INSULTED)
Sam, there are worse people you could be like. Try Nicolae Ceaucescu.

SAMANTHA
You're right. I'm not like him and I'm not like you.
(THEN)
And I am not Bonnie's mother. If she wants to hang around with jerks, that's her busienss.

TONY
You know, there are a lot of people who'd love to be like me. Like you're friend, Al, the hairdresser. He wishes he had my widow's peak.

SAMANTHA
That's nice, Dad. Look, I'm going to check out what the other kids are doing.
(SAM GOES OFF)

TONY
(CALLS AFTER HER)
You know who else would like to be like me? Our water man. Ernie. He thinks I'm a hip guy. And that's a direct quote.

(SAM CROSSES TO A GROUP OF KIDS BY THE VENDING MACHINES. SAM UNSEEN BY THEM, OVERHEARS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN GENE AND ANOTHER GUY)

GENE
We had a couple of babes lined up but Tim's turned out to be a stiff.
(SAM REACTS)
But her friend was a real pushover.
(SAM STARTS TO WALK AWAY)
Tim's up in her room right now.
(DESPITE HERSELF, SAM RETURNS TO EAVESDROP)
At least one of us is going to get lucky.
(SAM REACTS. PART OF HER WANTS TO RUSH UP THERE AND SAVE BONNIE, PART OF HER FEELS SHE SHOULDN'T)

DISSOLVE TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE TWO
(Mona, Jonathan)

INT. BOWER LIVING ROOM - SAME NIGHT

(JONATHAN COMES DOWNSTAIRS. MONA LOOKS AT HIM, TRYING TO DECIDE HOW TO BREAK THE NEWS THAT HIS DATE WAS CANCELLED.)

JONATHAN
Okay, I'm ready to go.
(THEN, NOTICING MONA'S PENSIVE LOOK)
What's wrong, Grandma?

MONA
(THINKS FOR A BEAT, THEN, UPBEAT)
Great news, pal!

JOANTHAN
(EXCITED)
What, what?

MONA
You ready for this? Your date cancelled!

JONATHAN
All right!
(THEN, REALIZING)
Oh, no.
(SINKS IN A CHAIR)
I thought this one liked me.

(MONA REALLY FEELS FOR JONATHAN)

MONA
(STARTING THE PEP TALK)
Okay, Jonathan. You got dumped --

JONATHAN
Don't sugarcoat it, Grandma.

MONA
You know what you do now?

JONATHAN
Yeah, call Cap'n Andy's and cancel that reservation. Boy, you know how hard it is to get into that place?

MONA
Don't cancel anything. This is your chance to call up the prettiest girl in school and ask her out.

JONATHAN
That's Tiffany Simmons. But she's probably out on a date.

MONA
The prettiest girls are always home. You know why? Guys think they've already been asked so they don't call.
(SHE HANDS HIM THE PHONE)
So, call her.
(HE DIALS)
You know the number?

JONATHAN
I memorized it just in case I got popular one day.
(INTO PHONE)
Hello, Tiffany? Hi, it's Jonathan Bower.

MONA
Tell her you think she's really nice and you'd love to get to know her better over a lobster dinner tonight.

JONATHAN
(INTO PHONE)
Tiffany, you're a real love lobster and I know I'm a nice dinner tonight.
(MONA CRINGES)
Oh. Okay. I understand.
(HE HANGS UP)

MONA
Is she busy, too?

JONATHAN
No. She just turned me down cold.

MONA
Well, you know what you do now? You get back on the phone and you call the second prettiest girl. And if she turns you down, you try the third and fourth until we find that lucky gir.

JONATHAN
This could take a while.
(HE SIGHS)

MONA
I got all weekend.

(JONATHAN STARTS DIALING, AS WE:)

DISSOLVE TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE THREE
(Samantha, Bonnie, Tony)

EXT. SAM/BONNIE'S HOTEL ROOM - SAME NIGHT

(SAM COMES UP TO HER ROOM. SHE HESITATES. THEN, HEARS BONNIE AND A GUY LAUGHING. SAM REACTS AND BURSTS THROUGH THE DOOR)

CUT TO:

INT. SAM/BONNIE'S HOTEL ROOM

SAMANTHA
(PARENTAL)
Okay, outta here, sleazeball.
(THEN SEES IT'S TONY)
Dad? What are you doing here?

TONY
Being a chaperone.

BONNIE
He burst in here because he heard I was with Tim.

TONY
(OFF SAM'S AMAZED LOOK)
A good chaperone has a network of well-placed spies.

SAMANTHA
Where is Tim?

TONY
(PROUDLY, RE: BONNIE)
She threw him out before I got here.
(THEN, TO SAM)
What are you doing here?

SAMANTHA
I uh...I uh...just came for my toothbrush.

TONY
(DOESN'T BUY IT)
Uh-huh.
(TONY SENSES THE TENSION BETWEEN SAM AND BONNIE)

TONY (CONT'D)
Well, my work is done here.
(THEN, LIKE A SUPER HERO)
Chaperone Man is needed elsewhere.
(HE EXITS DRAMATICALLY)

BONNIE
You didn't come here for your toothbrush.

SAMANTHA
You're right. I'm here for my nightgown. And I'll take my toothbrush, too.
(SAM STARTS TO PACK UP)
So...why did you kick Tim out?

BONNIE
Because I didn't like him.
(A BEAT)
And I thought about what you said to me about him not remembering my name. Especially after he called me Carla.

SAMANTHA
Ooh.

BONNIE
You know, since all of your stuff is already in here and it's so late, why don't you just stay?

SAMANTHA
That would be easier.
(A BEAT)
Say Bonnie, do you want to go down to the coffee shop and get something to eat? All this arguing has made me hungry.

BONNIE
Sure. Just don't let me order anything chocolate. I don't want to break out.

SAMANTHA
I'll watch you like a hawk.

BONNIE
Thanks, mom.
(SHE SMILES AT SAM. TONY KNOCKS ON THE DOOR AND COMES IN)

TONY
You done?
(THEY NOD)
Say, all this arguing has made me hungry. Why don't we go down to the coffee shop and pig out?

BONNIE
Wow. That's what Sam just said. You two are so much alike.

(TONY SMILES TO HIMSELF, LOOKS TO THE HEAVENS AND WHISTLES KNOWINGLY)

SAMANTHA
Dad...

TONY
I know. God forbid you should be like your father.

SAMANTHA
No, actually it's not so bad.
(SHE GIVES HIM A LITTLE KISS)
Sorry I gave you such a hard time today.

TONY
Aww. Thank you, sweetheart.
(THEN GLOATING)
I knew you were going to say that. First you blow up, then you feel bad then you apologize. Just like me.

SAMANTHA
(PROTESTING)
Dad...

TONY
I knew you'd get defensive because I get defensive.

SAMANTHA
I'm not defensive. I just watn to explain why I--

TONY
I knew it! You're rationalizing your defensiveness. Just like I do.

SAMANTHA
I'm just going to shut up.

TONY
Huh. I wouldn't have done that.

(SAM SMILES, FINALLY SATISFIED)

TONY (CONT'D)
At least not so fast.

(SAM IS DEFLATED, TONY IS GLEEFUL, AS THE ALL EXIT, WE:)

FADE OUT

END OF ACT TWO

TAG
(Jonathan, Mona)

FADE IN:

INT. BOWER LIVING ROOM -- A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER

(JONATHAN IS ON THE PHONE. MONA IS ASLEEP ON THE COUCH)

JONATHAN
(INTO PHONE)
Hi, this is Jonathan Bower. Want to go out with me tonight?...You do? Hey, great! I'll see you in half an hour.
(HE HANGS UP)
All right!
(MONA WAKES UP)

MONA
What? What is it?

JONATHAN
After thirty seven calls, I finally got a date.

MONA
Okay, slugger! Who's the lucky girl?

JONATHAN
It's...it's...
(HE STOPS. HE'S FORGOTTEN. HE PICKS UP THE PHONE AND DIALS)

JONATHAN (CONT'D)
(INTO PHONE)
Hi. This is Jonathan Bower. Do we have a date tonight?... Oh.
(HE HANGS UP AND DIALS AGAIN. MONA GOES BACK TO SLEEP)
Hi, this is Jonathan Bower. Do we ahve a date tonight?... Oh.

(AS HE CONTINUES DIALING, WE:)

FREEZE FRAME

END OF TAG