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122. In Search of Tony [ - ]
by folle
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Transcript from the broadcast version of In Search of Tony.

Who's the Boss?
Episode #122 - In Search of Tony

Edited version, as aired on ABC Family Channel

Teaser: A pensive Tony is sitting at a beach bar alone. A beautiful, young, blonde walks up and sits by him. A festive beach music version of “Hot, Hot, Hot” is playing. It is night.

BLONDE: A penny for your thoughts.

TONY: Ah my, my life’s falling apart. I have no future. They’re all leaving me. I’m alone here, like a dog.

BLONDE: So, are you into windsurfing?

TONY: I just can’t figure it out. I mean this was supposed to be the perfect family vacation. Fun and sun. And it was all on the arm. Angela’s client was paying the bill. I was in heaven.

Scene One: Fades back to a few days earlier. Tony is in the Bower living room dancing to the same music as was playing in the beach bar. He’s wearing beachwear and obviously about to leave on vacation.

TONY: Come on mon! (shaking all around the living room singing) Me mind the fire, me soul on fire, singing hot, hot hot!

(Samantha and Jonathan stare at him like he’s crazy. Angela comes down the stairs and he pulls her in to dance with him)

ANG: Ooh!!

(Tony continues to dance with Angela and sing to the music. Sam gets safely out of the way. Tony releases Angela and picks Jonathan completely off the ground to dance with him)

SAM: That’s it! I’m not going! I’m 17. I’m too old to be going on vacation with the family.

TONY: Oh, come on Sam, I don’t believe my ears! I promise you, you’re going to remember these days for the rest of your life. (Sam looks at him like he’s crazy). Sam, please, please not that look.

SAM: What look?

TONY: This look (makes a face as if to say ‘Dad you are so lame’)

(Mona enters in a fabulous sundress and hat)

MONA: Move over boondoggle.

ANG: Mother, it’s a small island. Pace yourself.

MONA: (under her breath) Yes dear.

JON: Hey Grandma, you look great!

MONA: Grandma? (patting Jonathan on the shoulder) Darling, you’re such a big boy now, that I think while we’re in Jamaica you can call me Mona. Better yet, don’t call me. Better still, you don’t know me.

SAM: Yeah, and while we’re at it, you don’t know me.

(Angela consoles Jonathan)

TONY: What is with you people here? What is it? I mean, must I be the veritable glue that holds this family together? Must I be the perennial funmeister who drags you out of your sullen states and leads you down that road to smile-town?

ANG: (to Sam and Mona) We don’t know him.

TONY: Ah, yes you do! Come on gang, let’s have some fun!

(The family picks up their bags and head out the front door)

Scene Two: The Bower-Micelli clan arrive at the resort in Jamaica. It’s the middle of the day and the relaxing beach music is being played by a live band.

TONY: Oh, will you look at this! Palm trees, sand, clear blue water. (Staring into Angela’s eyes) Does life get any better?

(A beautiful man in his late 20s walks over to Angela)

KLYE: Welcome to Club Festival Mrs. Bower, I’m Kyle Fletcher the manager.

ANG: Hello Kyle.

KYLE: Consider yourself at home. Everything is at your disposal.

JON: (to Mona) Here that? We’re getting royal treatment Grandma!

MONA: (to Angela) What an adorable grandchild you have.

ANG: (shakes off Mona’s comment) Well, I suppose if I’m going to do any kind of campaign together I’d better get to work.

KYLE: How about a tour of the island?

ANG: (Throwing her bags at Tony) You’re on! (Angela and Kyle start to leave when she realizes Tony is all alone) You wanna come with us?

TONY: You got it, Mon!

TONY: (to Sam) Hey Sam, Sam, Angela and I are…(Tony realizes Sam is talking intensely to a good looking young man)…on second thought Angela I think I’m going to spend some quality time with Sam.

ANG: Oh, oh, ok. Have fun. See you later.

(Tony heads over to where Sam is standing)

SAM: Honey, hi.

BOY: Who’s this dude?

TONY: This dude is Dad.

SAM: (dragging Tony away from the boy) Dad, come here.

TONY: Sam, Sam, I know what you’re going to say, Sam. And I’m telling you, it has nothing to do with this guy. I just wanted the family to spend some time together.

SAM: I know Dad. But, maybe if I had some space on this vacation it would be kind of like a trial run for you!

TONY: (looking confused) Uhm, trial run? What do you mean, trial run?

SAM: Well you know, I’m going to be leaving the house real soon and…

TONY: Real soon? But where are you going?

SAM: College! In a year, eleven months and thirteen days!

TONY: You’re counting the days?

SAM: And six hours.

TONY: Well Sam, I was kinda hoping that you’d live at home and go to Ridgemont with me. You know, father, daughter, sis-boom-bah.

SAM: (trying to be patient) Dad, you don’t go to college with your dad. (beat) We need to cut the apron strings. You could understand that can’t you?

TONY: (looking hurt) No…but give me a hug. A quick one. OK.

(Tony holds onto Sam for a very long hug. The audience “awww”s.

SAM: Dad…

TONY: …yeah?…

SAM: …snip, snip.

TONY: Sorry sweetheart. (Sam walks back to the boy). Hey, have fun. OK, bye.

(Sam walks off with the boy and Tony is left alone, sad, with the luggage)

Scene Three: Flash forward to Tony at night sitting at the beach bar with the blonde.

TONY: In one year, eleven months and thirteen days, I’ll be single.

BLONDE: Did I mention, my name’s Jill?

TONY: Oh, but I’ve got to let Sam grow up, I mean, who am I kidding? I mean, isn’t that what Angela’s been telling me all these years?

BLONDE: Angela?

TONY: Please, please, don’t bring up that name, I mean, you think you know somebody…

(scene fades back in time to Angela and Mona sitting in lounge chairs on the beach with binoculars, scooping out the men)

MONA: (about a man in view) I give that guy a solid seven.

ANG: (dies laughing, very relaxed)

(Tony comes up to them)

TONY: (disapprovingly) Woah, what’s going on here ladies?

MONA: We’re just enjoying some of nature’s bounty.

TONY: Oh yeah, well, let me look…

(Tony turns his back to Mona and Angela to see who they were looking at. Mona and Angela start to check Tony out)

TONY: …What, what I knew it, you were rating guys! (beat) Well, what did I get?

MONA: Need you ask?

TONY: (snapping his fingers, thinking he’s hot) I knew it. A ten.

ANG: (laughing) Where’s Sam?

TONY: Oh come on, Angela. A young woman her age needs to cut the apron strings. And that’s good news for you because now there’s more of me to go around! (Tony jumps between Mona and Angela, a scene from the opening credits of future episodes. They aren’t thrilled about the new seating arrangement) The funmeister’s ready to roll! What do you say? What do you think? A little paddle boating? snorkling? Mopeding (turning between Angela and Mona, rubbing noses with Mona)

ANG: Sorry, I made plans with the marine director. Research you know.

(the marine director comes up to them holding fins, masks and snorkels. He’s, of course, a hunk in a speedo)

MARINE DIRECTOR: Ready Angela?

ANG: (to Tony) Are you disappointed?

MONA: (referring to the marine director) No!

TONY: (annoyed) No, I’m not disappointed. I want you to have the total island experience.

MARINE DIRECTOR: (taking Angela’s hand and kissing it as they walk away) Oh, I’ll see to that.

TONY: (sarcastically) Oh, I’ll see to that. (beat) That’s all right. I’ll, I’ll catch up with her when she gets back.

MONA: I don’t think so. She’s booked for the entire afternoon. Well, I think I’ll catch some rays. (Mona gets up and exits down the beach calling to a man) Oh Ray!

(Tony is left alone when Jonathan approaches)

TONY: Oh hey, little skeeter! What do you say? Hey, you’re in luck. The funmeister’s all yours.

JON: Oh, thanks Tony, but I’ve got my own funmeister. (to an older girl who comes up to them on the beach) Oh Monique! (to Tony) She doesn’t speak any English. Just the international language of amour. (Monique and Jonathan exit leaving Tony alone)

TONY: (to himself) I thought his voice was changing.

(a man comes up to Tony who is alone on the two beach lounge chairs)

MAN: (to someone off stage) Have a nice day! (to Tony) Is this chair free?

TONY: Oh sure, go ahead. They’re all leaving me. (beat) You know, for a fun club, this place is a bummer.

MAN: So, what do you do for a living?

TONY: Well, to tell you the truth…

MAN: …no, no, no, let me guess. Well, you can afford this place, so you’re doing well. You’re in good shape, so you obviously take care of your appearance. There’s intelligence in those eyes…got it. Investment banker.

TONY: Close. Housekeeper. And, and college student.

MAN: (sincerely) I knew you were up to bigger and better.

TONY: Tony Micelli (shaking hands)

MAN: Hank Whiteman, headhunter. (Tony looks confused) I place executives in fortune 500 companies.

TONY: Oh!

MAN: What are you headed for? What’s your major?

TONY: My major. Oh well, to tell you the truth, I really don’t have one. I’m only a sophomore. I figure I’ll do that next year, and well, what’s the rush?

MAN: Tony you’re what, thirty…

TONY: …ish.

MAN: Well, you don’t have a lot of time to put off this decision. You’ve got to think about your wife and kids.

TONY: I don’t really have a wife. And pretty soon I won’t have a kid. She’s going off to college.

MAN: You see, she’s on the move and you don’t even have a major. (getting up) Well, have a nice day. (to someone off stage as he leaves Tony) Is that chair taken?

TONY: Tell him yes!

Scene Four: Fade back to the beach bar with the blonde, who is looking really annoyed and bored.

TONY: See, so it’s not just Sam. I mean it’s Angela. Angela who I usually have to nag to have a good time actually is. Only it isn’t with me. Which is ok, I guess, only it’s just not like her. I mean, could things be any worse?

BLONDE: No! (gets up and leaves)

(another man comes up to the beach bar in a hurry with an announcement)

MAN: Big rescue on the beach! They just saved some woman who was almost drowning!

(Tony rushes across to the beach where a large group of people are blocking his view of the action. He makes his way through the crowd and sees Angela being held by the hotel director. She is wrapped in a beach towel and is coughing profusely)

ANG: Kyle would you put me down!

TONY: (concerned) Angela, Angela, are you ok, are you ok?

ANG: Oh Tony, I’m fine, really.

TONY: Oh thank God! (Reaching out to hold her) I mean, if anything ever happened to you Angela…Come on, let’s get that wet towel off you.

ANG: (holding on to the towel) Oh no! That’s fine really. Tony, the towel’s fine.

MAN: (handing Angela the top to her bathing suit) I think this is yours.

TONY: Whoa! That must have been some undertow! I mean, to pull your suit right off!

WOMAN: Well that part she did herself. We were all skinny-dipping.

TONY: (Angela looks terribly guilty) Skinny-dipping?!? What do you mean, nude with no clothes on?

ANG: (head in her hands) Just my top. And technically skinny-dipping is your bottom too. (quietly to Tony) And besides I was under the water. It was dark. Nobody saw me take it off.

MAN: I saw her.

CROWD: I did too!

TONY: Well I am shocked! Oh! Drowning topless. Ohh, how tacky. I mean, what would I have told the kids? I mean, we would have had to have a closed coffin ceremony. At least over the top.

ANG: (pulling Tony off to the side) Would you calm down? It was fun! You told me to get the total island experience.

TONY: Well, I meant the total clothed island experience.

ANG: (angry) I, I cannot believe that you care more about my skinny dipping than the fact that I almost drowned. (indignantly) You are not the person I thought you were.

TONY: (angry) Well, how would you know? You haven’t seen me once since we got on this trip.

ANG: Maybe that’s because I’m having a better time without you.

TONY: Oh well for your information, today I had the best, (voice raising) the best, the most fun of my whole life. (to the blonde from the bar, who is in the crowd) Isn’t that right Jill?

BLONDE: (tries to hide behind other people in the crowd, ignoring Tony)

TONY: Well, she couldn’t keep up with the funmeister.

ANG: Well you know what, Charlie Chuckles. Since we’re having so much fun without each other, why don’t we just keep it that way. I’ll see you on the plane! (she turns and leaves)

TONY: How will I find you? Will you be sitting in the topless section?

(Angela looks back at him, furious, and storms into her cottage. Tony mumbles to the crowd of people and leaves the beach)

Scene Five: Sometime later in the vacation. Sam, Jonathan and Mona are sitting on the beach in the lounge chairs.

SAM: I hope Dad and Angela make up soon. They’re going to kill themselves trying to prove that they can have fun without each other.

TONY: (off) Whoa!

MONA: Oh, look out. Look out, here he comes again!

JON: Slouch down, maybe he won’t see us.

MONA: No such luck.

TONY: (comes by, shirtless, on a giant wheel) Hey kids, try this, it’s fun!

SAM: (to Mona) See what I mean?

MONA: You don’t know what it took to talk Angela out of the human cannonball lessons.

(a large “boom” goes off)

ANG: (off) Hi Mother!!!!!!!!!!!

(Mona, Sam and Jonathan follow an off-stage Angela with their eyes until she splashes in the ocean)

MONA: Wake me when it’s time to identify the body.

Scene Six: Later that evening back at the beach bar. There’s a band playing beach music. As the camera pans over we see that Tony is with them playing the maracas. Angela enters the bar with Kyle. Tony stops playing.

TONY: (coldly) Good evening Angela. So nice to see you wearing clothes tonight.

ANG: Stick around Tony, it’s still early.

KYLE: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time for our talent contest! (the crowd applauds) Ok, let’s have some fun, now who wants to go first? (Angela raises her hand eagerly. Tony follows in suit) (to Angela) Cannonball, get up here! (Angela looks back at Tony, then goes over to the band to tell them what to play)

(The band starts to play “Hot, hot, hot” the song Tony and Angela were dancing to earlier in the episode. Angela performs a sexy solo dance. Tony is stunned at her newfound freedom of spirit. She dances over to Tony and throws her leg up on his chair as part of her dance. Tony doesn’t know what to make of it. At the end of her dance, two club men carry her off stage)

KYLE: Well, well, well. Tony it’s your turn, unless you want to give up right now.

TONY: Nah, no, no. (snapping his finger) You haven’t seen anything yet. (Tony talks to the band and “Singing in the Rain” starts to play)

(Tony tap dances all around the stage, playfully throwing sand on Angela. He has a big finishing move including throwing up a glass of water for “rain” and doing a split on the ground. The audience applauds. Angela doesn’t. Tony exits quickly. Angela seems surprised by his departure and follows him over to a private bench off to the side of the bar)

KYLE: I don’t think anybody’s going to top that one. How about a slow dance (music begins to play)

(Tony is sitting on a yellow bench stretching his right leg. He rubs his knee quickly, then Angela appears).

ANG: (softly) Are you ok?

TONY: (still hurt) Of course I’m ok!

ANG: You’re lying.

TONY: Of course I’m lying! How’d you know.

ANG: Because that’s the knee that you hurt in the 10th grade when Bobby Guvernelli tackled you.

TONY: I’ll never forgive him. (Angela sits on the bench next to him). I haven’t done that, that routine since the baseball follies.

ANG: (appreciatively) Could have fooled me.

TONY: (eagerly) Oh, so you liked it?

ANG: (reserved) It was ok.

TONY: (sincerely) Yours was pretty good too.

ANG: Really, you think? I didn’t go too far did I?

TONY: Well, you kept your clothes on!

ANG: I couldn’t have done that five years ago.

TONY: Keep your clothes on?

ANG: Get up in front of all those people and cut loose. That’s your influence on me, Tony. You’re always telling me to get out there and enjoy life more.

TONY: Oh, I get it. So it’s my fault you took your top off, huh?

ANG: Tony, will you drop the top?!?

TONY: You already did!

ANG: (trying to be serious) Tony.

TONY: I’m sorry. Hey, and I’m sorry you almost drowned. And I’m real sorry that when you almost drowned, I wasn’t the one that saved you.

ANG: Oh Tony!

TONY: Angela, I mean you may not have noticed, but I wasn’t exactly having a ball this weekend. I mean, and it bothered me that you were without me!

ANG: (seriously, and staring into Tony’s eyes) But Tony, the best times of my life are with you.

(several intense beats pass where Tony and Angela stare at each other. All of a sudden Tony grabs Angela and kisses her passionately. The kiss is long and hard. His hand is wrapped all the way around her waist, her hand running through his hair. They break apart for a short moment. Angela lets a tiny sigh of pleasure escape and they kiss again, just as passionately)

TONY: (breaking away) Oh, oh no. (Angela is practically sitting on his lap).

ANG: What, is it your knee? I can move.

TONY: No, no, it’s just that I…I think we, uh, both know where this is leading to…(wiping his mouth with the back of his hand)

ANG: …yeah, what’s your point?

TONY: Well, I mean call me old fashioned, but, uh, I don’t think we can do this until we’re married.

ANG: Until!?

TONY: Ah, no, I don’t mean until. I mean unless. (frowning, realizing that isn’t any clearer or better)

ANG: Unless?

TONY: I don’t know, uhh…maybe? It went through my mind.

ANG: You’ve thought about us getting married?

TONY: (scared) I don’t know. Maybe? It went through my mind. (Angela beams at him) But, ah, I’m not ready to propose.

ANG: Good. Because I’m not ready to accept.

TONY: Good.

ANG: Good.

TONY: You know, Angela, when I think about my future, you’re in it. But I don’t know, I mean, do I work for you…do I date you and live somewhere else…do I marry you…I mean we started because…I moved from Brooklyn to Connecticut to give Sam a better life, and, and now in one year eleven months and thirteen days (looks at his watch)…make that twelve…she’s leaving. And so, that’s why what the headhunter said bothered me so much.

ANG: (confused) The headhunter?

TONY: Look Angela, I, I don’t want to be a housekeeper for the rest of my life. I mean, that’s why I’m going to college. But why am I going to college? To be a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, a candlestick maker, I don’t know. I mean, I don’t even have a major yet.

ANG: (shocked) You don’t? Well you really should decide soon! (Tony is frustrated. Angela looks at him lovingly) Oh Tony, I wouldn’t care if you mowed lawns in Central Park.

TONY: But I’d care. (beat) Look Angela, I don’t know about us until I know about me. I mean, the way I…

ANG: (putting her finger up to his lips)…shhh. (beat)

(They are very close on the bench, and Angela looks straight at Tony)

ANG: I understand.

(Tony looks relieved for the first time in the whole episode)

TONY: You do?

ANG: (mouths) Yeah.

(Tony moves over next to her on the bench and puts his arm around her. They seem finally content, when off screen we hear a cannonball being launched)

MONA: Wahoo!!!!!

ANG: Mother?!?

(We hear the splash, and Angela puts her head on Tony’s shoulder)

Scene Seven: Back at the Bower house, Tony is daydreaming on the sofa when Angela enters and sits beside him.

ANG: Oh Tony, Tony…(realizes he’s daydreaming)…penny for your thoughts.

(fade into Tony’s dream. Tony is carrying Angela from the water where she was drowning. She’s wearing the towel with no bathing suit top)

TONY: Oh Angela, are you ok?!

ANG: Oh Tony! Oh Tony! My hero!! (looking at him adoringly) You saved my life. How could I ever thank you?

(Tony gives his best “come hither” look into the camera)

(fade back to present day on the couch where Tony is sporting the same look)

ANG: Tony? (snapping her fingers) Tony? (waving her hand in front of his eyes) Tone..Tony!?

TONY: (stuck in his dream) Hmmm!!!

End