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73. Frankie and Tony are Lovers [ - ]
by folle
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Transcript from the broadcast version of Frankie and Tony are Lovers.

Who's the Boss?
Episode #73 - Frankie and Tony are Lovers

Scene One: Tony and Sam coming down the stairs into the living room.

Tony: Come on gang. Let’s hit it, let’s move it, let’s do it!

Sam: I still don’t see why I have to go to this dumb street fair.

Tony: Because…it’ll be great to see all your old friends from the old neighborhood. And because it’s, it’s fun to do family things. And because you don’t have a choice!

(Mona enters)

Sam: Ooh, great dress Mona.

Tony: Mona, Mone, Mona, take it easy here Mona. This fair’s supposed to raise money not blood pressure.

(audience laughter)

Mona: We all give in our own way.

Tony: Angela! Jonathan! Come on, let’s go!

(Jonathan comes down the stairs)

Jon: Hey, she’s coming. Wait until you see her.

(Angela comes down the stairs in gypsy-style clothing)

Angela: Oh, I’m sorry. I couldn’t find a thing to wear. (turning around for them to admire her outfit) What do you think about this peasant blouse?

(Tony looks at the tag, still hanging from Angela’s sleeve)

Tony: Two hundred bucks? For two hundred bucks you shoulda got the whole peasant.

Angela: I know, I know it’s extravagant, but since it’s my very first street fair, I thought I’d get down and get ethnic.

Mona: You look like a Wasp who herds sheep for a living.

(audience laughter)

Tony: (opening the front door) Come on gang, let’s do it.

Scene Two: At the street fair. Mrs. Rossini is running a kebob booth and Tony & Angela are helping.

Angela: We’ve been here for an hour and you haven’t let me cook anything!

Tony: I know, it’s going well isn’t it?

(audience laughter)

Angela: (whining) Please! Please!

Tony: All right, all right, all right, here go ahead (hands her the tongs)

(Mrs. Rossini enters, singing, pushing a cart of raw kebobs)

Mrs. R: Shish kebobs coming through!

Tony: Let me, let me give you a hand Mrs. Rossini.

Mrs. R: Here. (sees Angela cooking, smoke coming from the grill) What is she doing?

Tony: She’s burning calamari.

Mrs. R: Angela dear, would you please get some ice for the kebobs? I’ll watch those for you.

(Angela exits)

Mrs. R: You let her near that calamari again, I’ll break both your hands.

(Angela with the ice bucket knocks over ice cream cones at the next booth over)

Frankie: Hey, watch it!

Angela: Oh, I beg your pardon!

Mrs. R: Francesca!

(Frankie and Tony’s eyes lock)

Mrs. R: Tony, look, it’s Francesca!

Frankie: Tony?

Tony: Frankie! What, what are you doing here?

Frankie: Helping Pop out with his gelato booth.

Mrs. R: Like a good Italian girl! (to Tony) Like a good single Italian girl.

(audience laughter)

Frankie: You haven’t lost that subtle touch, Mrs. Rossini.

Angela: (awkwardly) Gelato is getting to be very popular.

Tony: Oh yeah, uh, Frankie, this is uh, this is Angela Bower. Angela, Angela, this is the Frankie Candino. The one girl in the whole neighborhood who wouldn’t go out with me. Except Anna Camisa, but she was married.

Frankie: I wouldn’t go out with you, Micelli, because you were too macho for your own good.

Tony: Ahh, well, that’s because you couldn’t tell a good thing when you saw it.

Frankie: No. It’s because my father would have sent me to a convent.

Tony: Well, at least you would have had something to confess!

(audience laughter)

Scene Three: Tony is carrying gelato bins to Frankie’s booth. Angela is running the kebob stand, eavesdropping on Tony & Frankie.

Tony: Hey hey Frankie, so tell me, what happened to you? I mean, where’d you disappear to after high school?

Frankie: Hmm, well, let’s see. I worked my way through college…and I got a scholarship to Harvard Law.

Tony: Ooh!

Man at Kebob Stand: (to Angela) Uhm, excuse me!

Angela: Uhh, six kebobs.

Man at Kebob Stand: Seven kebobs! Well done.

Frankie: Now I’m a partner in a Wall Street law firm.

Tony: You kidding…

Frankie: …yeah…

Tony: …Frankie, what can I say, I’m impressed.

Frankie: What’s impressive is we represent the Mets. Box seats whenever I want. (Tony’s moth is hanging open). Still a fan?

Tony: Oh, are you kidding me? Is Strawberry hitting 306 with 94 RBIs?

Frankie: 305. He went 0 for 4 last night.

Tony: Ohhh…

Frankie: I know.

Angela: (to the Kebob Man) Uhh, would you mind repeating your order?

Man at Kebob Stand: Yeah, I would.

(Man exits)

Angela: You’re too fat anyway.

(audience laughter)

Tony: I better get back to work here.

Angela: (haughtily) That would be nice.

Tony: Something the matter?

Angela: No, no!

Tony: Yes, yes, what is it?

Angela: Well, ahh, I’ve just…been dying to go to the sausage and peppers stand.

Tony: Well, why didn’t you say so. I’ll tell you what we’ll do. As soon as it calms down over here, we let Mrs. Rossini take over, then we cruise to sausage and peppers land, ok? (flirty) Is it a date.

Angela: It’s a date.

Tony: (to customers) All right, yes mam…

Scene Four: Later at the Gelato booth.

Frankie: He Micelli, got change for another twenty?

Tony: Hey, Candino, what do I look like here, the Bank of Brooklyn?

Frankie: Don’t give me any of your lip. (referring to a customer) Come on, his gelato’s melting.

Tony: (to Angela) Oh, oh, I’m, I’m sorry Angela, I have a meltdown.

(Tony exits to help Frankie)

Mona: So what’s with Tony and the Italian stalionette?

Angela: Mother, they are just friends. A man and a woman can be just friends you know.

Mona: Why?

(audience laughter. Mona exits. Tiny enters)

Tiny: Hey, Tony!

Tony: Hey! (they hug) Hey, what’s going down?

Tiny: (patting his stomach) Oh, everything.

(Sam and Elvis, Tiny’s son, enter carrying a teddy bear)

Sam: Hey Dad, look what Elvis won for me.

Elvis: Yeah, it only cost me $23.

(audience laughter)

Tiny: Ah, that’s my boy.

Tony: Uh oh, a teddy bear. You know, when you win one of those for a girl, it’s serious.

Angela: Elvis seems like a nice boy.

Tony: Angela, Tiny fathered that child.

Frankie: Hey Tony, what, all work and no play?

Tony: Well, I, I’d take a break, but you know, we’ve been swamped here.

Mrs. R: Oh Tony, go. Angela and I can handle this. Well…

(audience laughter)

Tony: Well, but hey, what about our uh…our date to have sausage and peppers.

Angela: (awkwardly) Don’t worry, the night is young. There’ll be plenty of peppers left.

Tony: Oh, ok. (to Frankie) I guess it’s me and you. Let’s go see if I can win you a teddy.

(Tony and Frankie exit)

Scene Five: Later at the kebob stand. Angela and Mrs. Rossini are talking.

Angela: Uhm, Mrs. Rossini, would you mind very much if I took a little break?

Mrs. R: Mind?!? You take as long as you want.

Angela: Thank you.

(Angela peruses the street fair on her own, romantic music playing in the street. She heads to the sausage and peppers stand)

Angela: Could I have some sausage and peppers?

Pepper Man: Sorry…just ran out.

(Man leaves. Angela sits alone at a table. Tony and Frankie are dancing in the street along with other couples)

Tony: Yeah, so you know after I hurt my shoulder, I retired from the Majors.

Frankie: Oh. That’s a tough break. So, uh, what do you do now?

Tony: Now I uh, I work as a housekeeper for Angela.

Frankie: You’re kidding.

Tony: Well it was, uh, I wanted to be home with Sam, and it was important that she was in a good school.

Frankie: Now I’m the one who’s impressed. (Tony looks surprised) Tony there aren’t that many men who have enough confidence in their masculinity to work as a housekeeper.

Tony: Yeah?

Frankie: Yeah.

Tony: Yeah. Wow, hey. That’s me. Confidence. Masculinity. And not a bad little dancer. (Tony twirls Frankie around).

Frankie: You know Tony, I think you’re quite a guy.

Tony: Well I think you’re…

Frankie: …dying to be kissed.

(Tony leans in and passionately kisses Frankie while Angela watches. She covers her mouth with her hand, obviously distressed. Tiny comes over to her)

Tiny: Hi Angela.

Angela: Tiny, how would you like to dance?

Tiny: (can’t believe his luck) Are you serious?

Angela: Yeah, I came here to have a good time.

Tiny: Well, uhm, let’s bebop!

(Tiny awkwardly embraces Angela. Mrs. Rossini gets on stage and turns on a microphone)

Mrs. R: Ladies and gentlemen, the Pitkin Avenue auction is about to begin! (applause) All proceeds will go to neighborhood beautification. (applause)

Tony: Hey, hey, you wanna beautify the neighborhood, deport Tiny!

Mrs. R: And the first item up, Tony Micelli! He’s offering his services for the weekend! As a housekeeper.

Frankie: What a clever donation.

Mrs. R: (dragging Tony on stage, Tony protesting) Get up here. Get up here. Come on, come on ladies, here’s a chance to let a man do the dirty work! (Tony flexes a bicep)

Tiny: A buck seventy-five!

Tony: A buck seventy-five?!? I’ll give you a buck seventy-five, check this out! (Tony flexes both arms)

Tiny: All right, a buck!

(audience laughter)

Lady in the Audience: Twenty dollars!

Tony: That’s more like it, ok!

Frankie: Thirty dollars!

Mrs. R: Thirty dollars?!? That’ll buy five bags of petunias! Going once!

Angela: Forty. (hesitantly) Forty dollars.

Tony: Wait a minute Angela, I, what are you doing? I work for you all the time?

Angela: I know but, uh, I love petunias.

Frankie: Fifty dollars!

Angela: Sixty!

Frankie: Seventy!

Angela: Eighty!

Mrs. R: Eighty dollars?!? We’ll be able to buy rose bushes too!

Frankie: Ninety!

Angela: One hundred dollars.

Mrs. R: One hundred dollars!?! A new Pitkin Avenue record!

(everyone claps)

Mrs. R: Do I, uh, hear a hundred ten?

Frankie: One thousand dollars.

(audience gasps)

Tony: (shocked) I, I, I, didn’t hear a hundred and ten!

Mrs. R: One thousand dollars. Forget neighborhood beautification, we can all afford to move! (looking at Angela) Any other bids?

Mona: (whispering to Angela) Angela, I am your mother, I know what’s best for you. Buy him!

Mrs. R: One thousand, going once, going twice…

Mona: …do something!

Mrs. R: Sold! Tony Micelli sold to Francesca Candino for one thousand dollars!

(Everyone claps)

Scene Six: The Bower living room. Angela and Sam are sitting on the couch. Both look unhappy.

Angela: What time did Elvis say he’d call?

Sam: I don’t know. About 56 minutes ago! (audience laughter) So what time did Dad say he’d be back home from cleaning Frankie’s?

Angela: Oh, he said he might be a little late if he had to clean her windows. (looks at her watch) She must have skylights too.

(audience laughter. Angela hears a key at the door)

Angela: Tony!

(Mona enters)

Angela: Oh, it’s you.

Mona: That’s what I said when you were born.

(audience laughter. The phone rings)

Sam: Elvis! Oh wait, no. He might think I’ve been waiting for his call. Do you mind Mona?

Mona: Me?!? Deceive a man?1? (Mona answers the phone) Hello. Oh, hello Frankie (Angela turns around)

Sam: That’s it! Teddy is dead.

Mona: No, no, I don’t mind taking a message for Tony. Uhm, hum…I need you…I want you…I love you…Think about it. (Angela looks at Mona) Yep. Got it. (Mona hangs up the phone)

Angela: Well, some people will say anything to get good help.

(Tony enters)

Angela: Hello, Tony.

Tony: Oh, hello Angela. Uh, how was your weekend?

Mona: Funny, she was just about to ask you the same thing. (Hands over the message)

Angela: Frankie called and left you a message.

Tony: Nice penmanship Mona.

Angela: I know this isn’t any of my business, but what are you supposed to be thinking about?

Tony: Oh, this…that…marriage. Yeah, you know, Frankie proposed. Goodnight. (Tony heads to the stairs).

Mona: Hey, wait a minute bub. You can’t drop a bomb like that and run for cover. What did you say?

Tony: Oh, well, you know, it happened so fast, I think I kind of blanked out. I told Frankie, I, I needed time to think. So, I, I think I’ll go think. See you in the morning. (Tony goes up the stairs)

Angela: (shrugs as though she doesn’t care) Uhm.

Mona: Angela…I’m worried.

Angela: Mother, there’s nothing to worry about. I know Tony, he’s not going to do something foolish.

Scene Seven: Angela is in Dr. Bellows’ office, talking to the psychiatrist.

Angela: But what if I’m wrong, Dr. Bellows. I mean, I practically threw him into that woman’s arms.

Dr. B: Angela, I’d like you to tell me more about your relationship with Tony.

Angela: Well, uhh, first he was my housekeeper, and then he was my friend. I guess you could say he’s my best friend. But, then again I don’t have that many friends.

(audience laughter)

Dr. B: And…

Angela: …and…Oh, I, I suppose I think about us every now and again.

Dr. B: And what do you think about? Marriage? Sex? Children?

Angela: Definitely not sex.

Dr. B: You fantasize about him.

Angela: I do not! I would never! I suppose you could call it that.

(audience laughter)

Angela: Everyone knows that physical attraction is no way to have a successful relationship. I mean, you have to have similar backgrounds, mutual goals, and know what an RBI is.

Dr. B: Excuses! The reason you and Tony aren’t together isn’t because of backgrounds, goals, or uh, baseball.

Angela: (intensely) Then what is it?

Dr. B: Oh, well, that’s what we’re here to discover. And by the way, it’s “run batted in”.

Angela: See you know that! Tony knows that. Frankie knows that.

Dr. B: You…feel inadequate.

Angela: Inadequate! Inadequate? I am a bright, attractive, determined woman. I own my own home, I own my own business, my child is in the top five percent of his class, yes I feel inadequate.

(audience laughter)

Dr. B: To Frankie?

Angela: To Tony! He’s always so, so confident. So, so charming, so, so much fun. Of course, the woman does have perfect bone structure if you like that sort of thing.

(audience laughter)

Dr. B: How does Tony feel about you?

Angela: Oh, I…suppose he…thinks I’m a little uptight…a little boring. But I know he cares. He cares a lot.

Dr. B: And how do you know that?

Angela: Well, he kissed me once. Uhm, but of course we were both drunk.

(audience laughter)

Angela: And…once he told me he loved me. But then again he thought he was dying. (With a painful look) Uhm, look, Dr. Bellows, uhm, I wasn’t sure about coming here and I think maybe I was right. (Getting up)

Dr. B: Back…

Angela: …ok…

Dr. B: …in the chair. (Angela sits)

Angela: You know, I’ve, uhm, I’ve never been to a psychiatrist, but aren’t you just supposed to nod and ask questions?

Dr. B: (nods) Do you love Tony?

Angela: Not that question.

Dr. B: Angela! Do you love Tony?

Angela: Is my time almost up? (Dr. Bellows stares at her, forcing her to answer the question) Oh, he’s the most incredible man…I’ve ever known. When I’m with him, I’m, I’m happier than I’ve ever been…and sadder sometimes. God, I just couldn’t imagine my life without him. (looking scared) This is confidential isn’t it?

(audience laughter. Dr. Bellows nods)

Angela: Yes. I love Tony. (Her hands cover he mouth as she admits it to herself for the first time)

Dr. B: It might help if he knew that.

Angela: Well, I wish I could hear it from him first. You know when I was a kid and I wanted to play with somebody, I always had to do the asking. With my ex-husband, I’m the one who got down on my knees. Even Mother doesn’t hug me unless I hug her first. For once, I, I just want someone else to go first. (pause) Well, what do you think Doctor?

Dr. B: (very seriously) Angela…I think you might lose him.

(camera fades on Angela)

Scene Eight: Bower house, Tony has the same expression on his face that Angela had on hers in the Dr’s office. The doorbell rings.

Tony: Coming…coming, coming, coming.

(Frankie enters)

Tony: Hey, Frankie. It’s the middle of the day. Shouldn’t you be in court, badgering a witness?

Frankie: No, that’s tomorrow. (puts her arms around him) Today I want to badger my favorite man into marrying me. (kisses him passionately)

Tony: Whoo, you badger good.

Frankie: So, what’s it going to be?

Tony: Well, I mean, everything is happening so fast. I feel swept away. I mean, a fellow needs time.

(audience laughter)

Frankie: Mr. Micelli, have we, or have we not, always been very attracted to each other?

Tony: Am I under oath? (Frankie nods) Then I’m guilty as charged.

Frankie: Gentlemen of the jury, I ask you, what, could be more wonderful than this man and his beautiful daughter sharing a life with…yours truly in a magnificent and now very clean East Side penthouse?

Tony: Yeah, it’s clean.

Frankie: Imagine your days filled will happiness…and your nights filled with…(she leans in to kiss him).

Tony: I, I don’t think we have to give the jury all the details.

(audience laughter)

Frankie: There are other details too, Tony. We come from the same place. We understand each other.

Tony: Yeah, that’s right, that’s right. So, so why don’t we just keep dating and we’ll see what happens!?!

Frankie: Tell me, Tony, what are you expecting to happen? (Tony looks down) What is it, is it Angela?

Tony: (shocked) Angela? I mean, what has she got to do with this?

Frankie: Well, isn’t it true that we were having a terrific weekend until she called to ask where you keep the dishwashing detergent? (Frankie looks at Tony knowingly)

Tony: Well, you know, when you gotta do a wash, it can’t wait!

Frankie: Neither can I. (takes his hand) Look Tony, one of these days you’re going to figure out what’s best for you. And when you do, give me a call. (she kisses him) If I’m still available.

(Frankie exits)

Scene Nine: Tony is coming down the stairs with laundry, Angela enters the front door.

Tony: Hey, Angela…

Angela: …hi…

Tony: …what are you doing home, what is this a national holiday today?

Angela: No, I gave Mother the afternoon off and I, ah, decided to play hooky.

Tony: You? Hooky? (puts his hand to her forehead) Are you feeling all right?

Angela: Fine. Are the, uh, kids back from school yet?

Tony: No.

Angela: Good, uhm, I mean, it’s, uh, nice to have the privacy if we ever wanted to talk privately. Which I do…now.

Tony: Well, you know that’s funny you say that because I’ve got something private that I’d like to say to you, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to go first.

Angela: No, no, no, really, I have something to say to you and I just feel that I have to say it. Tony, I…wait a minute. (with great anticipation) Did you say you wanted to go first?

Tony: Yeah, but it’s ok, go ahead.

Angela: No, no! You.

Tony: No, no, I insist!

Angela: I insist more.

Tony: Angela!

Angela: Tony…(pregnant pause)…I

(Sam enters interrupting them)

Sam: I have the best news! Elvis’s step-sister got food poisoning! Bonnie has a friend of a friend who found out that the whole family went down to the hospital to watch her stomach get pumped. Isn’t that great!?! That’s why Elvis didn’t call! (with poignancy) I’m going to go sew Teddy’s head back on now.

(audience laughter. Sam exits up the stairs)

Tony: (talking up the stairs) “The course of true romance never did run smooth”

Angela: Love.

Tony: (intensely) What?

Angela: The course of true love never did run smooth. It’s Shakespeare. Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Tony: Oh…I, uhm…I saw Frankie today.

Angela: You did?

Tony: Yeah.

Angela: Are you going to ma…

Tony: …oh, no.

Angela: No!

Tony: No.

Angela: Why no? She’s an Italian beauty, she’s a Harvard graduate, she drinks beer from a bottle!

Tony: (looking straight at Angela) But I don’t love her. And, uh…love is important.

Angela: Oh. (nodding) It is. It is.

Tony: Well, I told you mine, now you tell me yours.

Angela: It was…it was just something about how I didn’t want to lose you.

Tony: Oh, that’s good because…I didn’t want to get lost.

Angela: Good.

Tony: Hey, uh, we should have these, these uh, private talks more often. You know what I mean?

Angela: Well, maybe we will.

(Tony picks up the laundry basket, backing away from Angela)

Tony: Hey, uh, you sure it’s…love?

Angela: Positive.

(Tony exits to the basement with the laundry)