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66. The Proposal [ - ]
by Meesa
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Transcript from the broadcast version of The Proposal.

THE PROPOSAL

Act 1, Scene 1: Living room. Mona, Sam, Tony
[Mona is doing laundry, Sam is studying, and Tony is dusting.]

Sam: Listen Dad, this one's tough. Two strains are a mile and a half apart. Train A is travelling at three-fourths the speed of Train B. They'll collide in five and a half minutes. How fast is each train going?

Tony: Well, I don't know. Sounds like the passengers have a great lawsuit. [Dusts coffee table with Sam's feet.] Thank-you.

Sam: Come on Dad. How am I supposed to figure this out?

Tony: Samantha, I could tell you this in a hot second, but that's not going to do you any good. I'm not one of those parents who does their kids homework for them.

Mona: Couldn't hack it, huh?

Tony: I blanked out right after Train A.

Mona: Oh, I forgot, English was always your best subject.

Tony: You just ain't whistling Dixie there Mama.

[Mona exits to kitchen. Angela is sitting at the table eating chips.]

Mona: Angela, what are you doing here? I thought you were driving to the mountains tonight with what's-his-face.

Angela: It's Geoffrey. He's not here yet. [Looks at watch.] Oh, his train must be late.

Mona: Perhaps it was Train A. Angela, you're about to go on a romantic date. Why are you eating onion dip?

Angela: Well, the truth is Mother, I'm a little nervous. You see, Geoffrey said he had something very important to ask me. Something that would affect both our futures. Mother, I have this feeling he's going to pop the question.

Mona: Have some more dip dear.

Angela: All right Mother. I know how you feel about Geoffrey.

Mona: I thought I covered my contempt rather well.

Angela: No, you never actually spit on him.

Mona: Hmm…

Angela: Mother, come on. Geoffrey's a wonderful catch. He's successful, handsome, he's intelligent, and witty, and… What else could I want in a man?

Mona: Passion. Spontaneity. Lust?

Act 1, Scene 2: Living Room, Tony
[Enter Geoffrey from front door.]

Geoff: Hey Tony! My main man! [Begins a weird handshake] Hey, hey, huh, huh. Power shake!

Tony: Right on there, soul buddy.

[Enter Angela from kitchen.]

Geoff: Angela!

Angela: Hi Geoffrey! [Covers mouth as she heads to the stairs.]

Geoff: Hi Angela! [Exit Angela.] Must be a new one. She is so hip!

Tony: Yeah, I think she's going to host Saturday Night Live.

Geoff: Tony, are you busy?

Tony: Well, I was going to go weigh myself.

Geoff: Couldn't that weight? [Laughs.] Tony, uh, I'd kind of like to talk to you just guy to guy.

Tony: Oh sure. What's up guy?

Geoff: Me. Tony, you know, I have given some serious thought to our relationship and where it's going…

Tony: Ah, but Geoffrey, I haven't even met your parents yet.

Geoff: Come on, I'm talking about Angela and me. I have made a decision that could affect our future.

Tony: Oh?

Geoff: Yeah. I. I am going to ask Angela to join me in a timeshare in the Catskills.

Tony: Oy! [He is noticeably relieved.]

Geoff: Tony, take a look at this. [Pulls out a piece of paper.] If Angela invests with me, we could be spending wonderful weekends together, plus every fourth national holiday.

Tony: Oh, I hope you pull Flag Day.

Geoff: You uh, you don't think I'm rushing the relationship too much, do you?

Tony: Oh no, are you kidding Geoffrey? Hey, you know what they say, nothing ventured, nothing capital gained! [Laughs.]

Geoff: I like that! I'm going to use that.

Tony: I knew you would. [Enter Angela, down the stairs.]

Angela: All right. I'm all ready!

Geoff: Your carriage awaits milady.

Angela: Oh. Thank you kind sir.

Geoff: Off we go to frolic in yon forest!
[Exit Geoffrey and Angela through front door. Tony closes it behind them.]

Tony: Off I go to barf in yon basin.

Act 1, Scene 3: Cabin. Angela, Geoffrey
[Angela and Geoffrey are sitting in front of a blazing fire with a picnic supper, clinking wine glasses.]

Angela: Geoffrey, this is just beautiful. It is just like you to pick the perfect setting.

Geoff: That's right. [Smacks floor.] Solid as a rock!

Angela: Yes.

Geoff: Angela. You and I have been seeing each other for what now… 116 days. I think it's time that we talk about our future.

Angela: Oh. You want to talk about that now?

Geoff: Nothing ventured, nothing capital gained.

Angela: [Laughing dramatically.] Oh Geoffrey, you are so clever!

Geoff: Just came to me. Angela, we are perfect for one and other. We fit just like this tongue and groove floor.

Angela: Tongue and groove?

Geoff: What I'm trying to say Angela…

Angela: [Interrupting] No, no, just wait. [Gets up and sits in front of the fire, primps herself, and then poses.] Go ahead.

Geoff: Angela, my love, will you be my partner in this timeshare?

Angela: Timeshare? That…that's what you're asking me?

Geoff: Think about it Angela. $18,000 buys us a week primetime in perpetuity. But there's more to it than that. We'll have a partnership, a joint account. This will take our relationships to new levels of commitment and indebtedness. [Pulls out timeshare paper.] Angela, I know I'm pushing kind of hard, but I think our relationship can handle it. [Angela grabs a candle and starts to light the paper on fire, Geoffrey doesn't notice.] Angela, not only will we have this terrific cabin the mountains but we'll also have this terrific tax write-off. Angela, what do you think? [Angela gets up and leaves, Geoffrey notices the paper is on fire.] Whoa!

Act 1, Scene 4: Kitchen. Mona
[Mona is watching TV. Enter Tony from living room.]

Tony: Hey, what's with you Mona? You can't sleep?

Mona: Hmm. I just thought I'd wait up and see how Angela's evening went.

Tony: Oh, you mean the big question that Geoffrey's going to ask her, huh?

Mona: You know?

Tony: Of course I know, you kidding me? Me and Geoffrey are like this. [Holds fingers wide apart.]

Mona: Well, you seem to be taking it rather well. Doesn't it bother you?

Tony: Bother me? Why? If it doesn't work out, she can put it right back on the market.

Mona: I mean, you don't care if Angela gets married to Geoffrey?

Tony: Married? To Geoffrey? Now wait a moment. Mona, I think you have your signals crossed. Geoffrey told me the question he's going to ask Angela is whether or not she wants to be his partner in a timeshare.

Mona: Yeah?

Tony: Yeah.

Mona: Oh no! Angela thought he was going to propose. Oh my poor, stupid baby. Oh, she's going to come back here just totally crushed. She's really going to need someone to talk to. Goodnight Tony! [Exit Mona to apartment.]

Act 1, Scene 5: Living room. Tony.
[Nighttime. Tony is sleeping on the couch as Angela enters through front door, obviously angry. Geoffrey follows close behind her.]

Geoff: Angela, would you at least talk to me? I mean, you haven't said anything since you tried to set me on fire. What gives? What did I do that was so wrong?

Angela: Shh! Everyone's sleeping. [Tony wakes up.]

Geoff: I took you to a romantic spot, I made a wonderful gourmet dinner, I made a terrific proposal and I…Oh my God. You thought…

Angela: No I didn't!

Geoff: Oh Angela! Do you mean that you would actually consider a marriage proposal from me?

Angela: A few hours ago I might have.

Geoff: Oh that's wonderful! [Hugs her.] I would love to marry you.

Angela: Well, I didn't ask you.

Geoff: I'm asking you. I'll get down on one knee. I'll get down on both knees. Angela, [Gets down on knees.] I love you. Will you marry me?

Angela: I have to think about it.

Geoff: Oh! You've made me the happiest guy in the world! Now I will leave so you can start thinking. [Starts singing.] In dreams, I kiss your hand madam, your dainty fingertips…

[Exit Geoffrey through front door. Tony ducks under his covers. Angela sits down on couch where Tony is laying. They both scream when she sits on him.]

Angela: Tony.

Tony: So… What's new?

Act 2, Scene 1: Living room. Tony, Angela
[Night. Continuation of last scene.]

Angela: Well, I guess you heard everything.

Tony: Oh no, no. Just the dainty fingertip's song, I heard that, and a little bit before that with the will you marry me. But that's it. I didn't hear nothing else.

Angela: Well, you can imagine how surprised I was. Well, you don't need to imagine, you were right here.

Tony: Well, I didn't mean to be right here and I could leave.

Angela: No. That's okay. I'm…going to go upstairs and get some sleep.

Tony: I'll. I'm going to lock up.

Angela: Oh, good.

Tony: Um, Angela… [Hesitates.]

Angela: Yeah?

Tony: Goodnight.

Angela: Goodnight.

[Angela goes upstairs. Tony locks the door and sits back down on the couch.]

Act 2, Scene 2: Angela's bedroom. Angela
[Enter Angela. She sits down and takes her shoes off. Looks at ring finger. She sighs and appears deep in thought.]

Act 2, Scene 3: Living room. Tony
[Tony is sitting on couch watching the TV in the dark.]

TV: And high tide was at 4:18. Low tide at 6:19. High tide tomorrow will be at 4:19. Low tide at 6:20. Winds are from the northeast at 15-20 knots and some swells with wave heights up to 6 feet expected. There's an upper-level low-pressure system developing, which could lead to possible late evening precipitation. [Angela comes down stairs, sees Tony and pauses.] Late night fog, visibility reduced to 1 mile and a small craft advisory will be in effect from Mattasquan to Cape Penepolan… [Exit Angela upstairs.]

Act 2, Scene 4: Kitchen. Angela
[Morning. Angela is sitting at the kitchen table with a pen and a pad of paper; she appears to be writing something down. Enter Samantha and Jonathan wearing winter clothes and carrying skates.]

Jon: Hi Mom!

Angela: Hi you two! Gee, you're off and out bright and early.

Jon: Sam invited me to the pond to play crack the whip with the big kids.

Angela: Oh. Um, Sam honey, would you mind if Jonathan caught up with you? I need to talk to him for a minute.

Sam: Sure. I guess we can find someone else to crack. [Exit Sam outside.]

Angela: There. Why don't you sit down sweetheart? I want to talk to you about Geoffrey.

Jon: You mean what's-his-face.

Angela: Jonathan!

Jon: Well that's what Grandma calls him.

Angela: Never mind about Grandma! Now, you tell me honey. Do you like Geoffrey?

Jon: Well, he's okay. He never yells at me and he gives me good investment advice.

Angela: Maybe you could spend more time with him. You know, you could pal around together, go to baseball games, play catch…

Jon: I already do that stuff with Tony.

Angela: Well, maybe you could study the new tax laws together?

Jon: I already know them. Can I go now Mom? My long-john's are starting to itch.

Angela: Yeah, you go ahead. Have a good time! [Exit Jonathan outside.]

[Phone rings, Angela ignores it, goes back to her list. Enter Tony from outside, carrying shovel.]

Tony: Angela, the phone's ringing.

Angela: I know. [Tony rushes to the phone, stubbing his toe on the way.]

Tony: Ow! [Picks up phone.] Hello? Yeah. Oh hey Geoffrey. Yeah. She's a, yeah, she's a…[Angela shakes her head and mimes taking a shower.] Um. Oh no, no she's in the shower Geoffrey. [He runs the water from the tap, holding the phone close to it.] No. No, I'm not in there with her. Yeah. Okay. I'll tell her it's real important. Yeah, okay. Bye. [Hangs up phone.] Guess who?

Angela: Well, I'm just not ready to talk to him yet. I'm going to make this decision the way I make all my important decisions.

Tony: Eeney, meeney, miney, mo?

Angela: No.

Tony: One potato, two potato?

Angela: No! I'm making a list. I'm putting all the pros in one column and all the cons in the other.

Tony: Yeah, well it's good to keep them separate.

Angela: Let's see. He's neat, punctual, belongs to the Autobahn Society, oh he's so witty… oh, I almost forgot, he's a great cook.

Tony: Geoffrey?

Angela: Yeah. He's actually a better cook than I am.

Tony: Oh, now there's a bake-off I wouldn't want to miss.

Angela: All right. Now going over to the con's column, uh, the only thing I have so far is that he over-indulges me. Hmm, what else? I can't think of anything, can you?

Tony: Well, I mean, just off the top of my head, is he any good around the house? I mean, is he going to put laundry detergent in the dishwasher?

Angela: Of course he would! He knows what he's doing. No, uh, Tony, I meant um, I meant in more, uh, personal things. You know, the kind of qualities you would look for in a husband.

Tony: Oh. Well, uh, so then, how is he…in the garage?

Angela: The garage?

Tony: Yeah, you know. A man, a man should be able to fulfill your…automotive needs.

Angela: Well there's no problem there. He has his own metric toolkit. Well, looks like Geoffrey certainly has a lot to offer.

Tony: Hey Angela, if this guy is such a great deal. Then why didn't you just say yes the first time?

Angela: Tony, you don't rush into these things. You've got to think them through.

Tony: Oh yeah Angela, maybe that's your problem. You see, you don't think these things, you feel them. See, I remember when I asked Marie to marry me, she didn't think, she just yelled up to her parents on the third floor. "Hey Ma! Hey Pa! I'm marrying Tony." She didn't even care that I was playing class D ball in some two-bit town and the owners checks were bouncing. Of course her father did, but, but she didn't. She just jumped up in my arms and said yes. You see, we didn't have to think things through, we knew.

Angela: That's so sweet. It's, just, it's different for me. You know, you were young and foolish.

Tony: And in love.

Angela: Tony, love alone does not a marriage make.

Tony: Remind me to embroider that on a pillow.

Angela: Tony…What are you saying?

Tony: Hey Angela, I'm not saying anything.

Angela: Tony please. Your opinion is important to me. I mean, as a friend.

Tony: Well that's just it Angela, I'm not just your friend, I'm, I'm your housekeeper.

Angela: Well, guess it's all down here in black and white. And you know, now that I've made the decision, I feel great!

Act 2, Scene 5: Angela's Bedroom. Angela
[Angela is in bed, talking on the phone with a hoarse voice, coughing. Enter Tony.]

Angela: Thank you doctor.

Tony: What'd he say?

Angela: He said I have laryngitis and I shouldn't talk. I should stay in bed, I should get plenty of rest, drink plenty of fluids, and if I don't feel better in a couple of days, he told me I should come back…

Tony: Angela. Shut up! Doctor's orders. [Someone knocks on door.]

Geoff: Angela, are you decent? [Tony looks at Angela, she nods.]

Tony: Yeah.

Geoff: You sound terrible! [Tony opens door. Enter Geoffrey.] Oh Angel!

Tony: Hey, look Angela, if you need…oh. Geoffrey's here. [Exit Tony.]

Geoff: Are you okay? I was so worried when you didn't call. I would've called you back but I didn't want to seem too anxious. So I rushed right over.

Act 2, Scene 6: Living Room. Tony
[Tony is sitting on the stairs, deep in thought. Enter Mona through the front door.]

Mona: Hi.

Tony: Hi Mona. Hey Congratulations! Looks like you're going to be a mother-in-law again.

Mona: What?

Tony: That's right. They're up there right now. He's proposing and she's accepting.

Mona: Wha…Why are you down here? Why aren't you up there breaking it up?

Tony: Mona. I can't do that. It's her life.

Mona: You're going to leave something as important as that up to her?

Tony: Well Mona, if that's the way you feel, how come you don't go up there and talk to her?

Mona: Tony, don't you know anything? She's not going to listen to me; I'm her mother.

Tony: Mona, I don't know. This is just not my place.

Mona: Sure it is. She trusts you. She respects your opinion. I'll give you a hundred bucks.

Act 2, Scene 7: Angela's Bedroom. Angela, Geoffrey
[Continuation of Scene 5.]

Geoff: Angela, I know you need time to think about my proposal and I don't want to pressure you, but I have to have your answer now.

Angela: [In hoarse voice.] Thank-you for not pressuring me. [Ladder appears outside window.]

Geoff: I'm going crazy. Just a simple yes or no. Think about it. We're perfect for one another. [Angela spots Tony peering in window from ladder.] We have so many things in common. See, I even made a list.

Angela: [Hoarsely.] A list?

Geoff: Yeah. Here's your copy. [He hands her the paper. We see Tony outside shaking his head and arms.] So, what do you say? [Tony writes 'ON' (NO) on the window with cleaner.]

Angela: Geoffrey, the answer is on! [Her voice is suddenly clear.] I mean, I mean, no. I can't marry you.

Geoff: Well, I really didn't have to have an answer today.

Angela: [Sadly.] Oh Geoffrey. I'm afraid the answer would be the same tomorrow. You are a very special man, but you don't get married to someone just because it looks good on paper. You want somebody who'll hop into your arms and shout yes.

Geoff: No I don't. I want you.

Angela: No, Geoffrey. You deserve someone who's going to make you happy.

Geoff: Oh Angela, you make me happy. You're the one still searching.

Angela: I'm sorry

Geoff: We're not going to see each other again, are we? [Angela kisses Geoffrey. Tony leans into window, watching.]

Angela: Bye Geoffrey.

Geoff: [He gets up and pauses at the door.] Guess the time-shares out of the question, huh?

Angela: Yeah. [Exit Geoffrey. Angela leans back in bed, staring at the list he gave her.]

Act 3, Scene 1: Angela's bedroom. Angela, Tony outside window
[Angela is still lying in bed. Tony knocks on the window.]

Angela: Tony. Tony! [Gets out of bed and rushes to open the window, laughing.] Come on. [Tony falls inside.] Oh! Oh, you must be freezing!

Tony: Oh n-no, I-I'm f-fine, really, really I'm fine.

Angela: Nice day for window cleaning.

Tony: I see you got your voice back.

Angela: Yeah. It's a funny thing, came back to me when I was saying no.

Tony: So you're not going to marry him?

Angela: No.

Tony: All right! [Pumps fist in air.]

Angela: And I'm not going to see him anymore.

Tony: Gee that's a shame. Because you know, he was such a nice guy, and so very witty.

Angela: If you thought he was such a nice guy, how come you were out there pleading with me not to marry him?

Tony: Oh, eh-oh Angela. I was not out there pleading. You asked me to give you my advice and at the last second, I thought I'd give it to you.

Angela: I'm glad you did.

Tony: You think you made the right decision?

Angela: Tony, Tony, you don't think about these things, you feel them. [Tony corrects her hand gesture.] Oh.

End of Scene, End of Act.