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47. The Anniversary Show [ - ]
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Transcript from the "Final Draft" script of The Anniversary Show.

Who's the Boss?
Episode #47 - The Anniversary Show

THIS IS THE ACTUAL SCRIPT FOR “THE ANNIVERSARY SHOW” EPISODE, AND NOT A TRANSCRIBED SCRIPT.

(Note about cast: There must have been last minute changes or additions for the nurse and doctor roles. This script shows Sharon ? as the nurse. On the episode credits Lillian Lehman is shown as the actress who played Nurse Honigblum. The doctor’s name is shown in the credits as Dr. Carter)

WHO’S THE BOSS?

#0225

TENTATIVE REHEARSAL AND TAPING SCHEDULE

STAGE 77 -- X6 - 4442, 6-4443 REHEARSAL HALL 13 -

THIS IS A TENTATIVE SCHEDULE ONLY AND ALL DATES LISTED ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE AT ANY TIME. THIS DOES NOT CONSTITUTE A “CALL” FOR ANY EPISODE OR DATE.

MONDAY, March 17, 1986 | REHEARSAL HALL 13
READ SCRIPT | 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM
NOTES | 12:00 PM - 1:00 PM
LUNCH | 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM
REHEARSE | 2:00 PM - 00 PM

TUESDAY, March 18, 1986 | REHEARSAL HALL 13
REHEARSE | 10:00 AM - 1:00 PM
LUNCH | 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM
REHEARSE 2:00 PM -

WEDNESDAY, March 19, 1986 | REHEARSAL HALL 13
REHEARSE | 10:00 AM - 1:00 PM
LUNCH | 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM
REHEARSE | 2:00 PM - 3:00 PM
RUN-THRU | 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM

THURSDAY, March 20, 1986 | STAGE 77
E.S.U. | 9:00 AM - 10:00 AM
FAX | 10:00 AM - 1:00 PM
LUNCH | 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM
FAX | 2:00 PM - 4:00 PM
RUN-THRU WITH WARDROBE | 4:00 PM - 5:00 PM

FRIDAY, March 21, 1986 | STAGE 77
E.S.U. | 11:45 AM - 12:30 PM
FAX | 12:30 PM - 2:30 PM
NOTES | 2:30 PM - 3:30 PM
VTR/FAX (DRESS WITH AUDIENCE) | 3:30 PM - 4:30 PM
PICK-UPS* | 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM
PRE-TAPE (#0226) | 8:00 PM -

*CAST NOTE - Please do not wear white, beige or yellow on camera blocking day.


FINAL DRAFT March 18, 1986

WHO’S THE BOSS? - “THE ANNIVERSARY SHOW”

Executive Producer - Blake Hunter and Martin Cohan
Supervising Producer - Bud Wiser
Produced by - Robert Sternin and Prudence Fraser and John Anderson
Directed by - Asaad Kelada
Written by - Robert Sternin & Prudence Fraser and Ellen Guylas


WHO’S THE BOSS?

#0225

CAST

TONY MICELLI | TONY DANZA
ANGELA BOWER | JUDITH LIGHT
MONA ROBINSON | KATHERINE HELMOND
SAM MICELLI | ALYSSA MILANO
JONATHAN BOWER | DANNY PINTAURO
JENNY WITTENER | KERI HOULIHAN
NURSE HONIGBLUM | SHARON ?
DOCTOR | NICHOLAS WYMAN


“THE ANNIVERSARY SHOW”

ACT ONE
SCENE ONE

(Sam, Jonathan and Mona are at the kitchen table. Sam and Jonathan are eating bacon and eggs. Tony sets a plate of French toast in front of Mona)

TONY: Here you go, Mona. Eggs the way you like them.

JON: Those aren’t eggs.

MONA: That’s the way I like them.

SAM: (Taking a bite of her breakfast) Ooh, I got another one.

(She stands up and starts a cheer)

“Eggs and bacon,
Greasy, greasy.
We’ll beat your team,
Easy, easy.”

TONY: Don’t cheer with your mouth full.

SAM: (Returning to her breakfast) But, Dad, I’ve got to get ready for the state drill team finals.

TONY: Don’t talk with your mouth full.

SAM: Well, what am I supposed to do at breakfast? Just eat?

TONY: Yeah, and don’t eat with your mouth full.

(Angela enters, dressed for work)

ANG: Good morning, everyone.

(They all ad lib good mornings)

TONY: Angela, what do you want for breakfast?

ANG: Just juice and coffee.

(He pulls a napkin off her place setting with a flourish revealing juice and coffee)

TONY: I knew I could count on you.

(Angela takes her spoon and clinks it against her orange juice glass)

MONA: Don’t play with your food, Dear.

ANG: No, I have an announcement to make.

TONY: Ooh, an “announcement.”

MONA: Let me guess. You’ve met a tall, dark stranger, thrown caution to the wind, fallen madly in love and you’re eloping on Tuesday.

ANG: No, Mother. As you all know, we will very soon be marking the second anniversary of Tony and Sam’s arrival into our happy household.

MONA: Well, I was close.

ANG: (Continuing) In honor of that occasion, I’d like to invite you all to a very special dinner.

(Everyone ad libs approval; “All right, Angela,” “Where are we going?”, etc)

ANG: It’s a week from this Friday and I will be cooking.

(Silence, then)

SAM: I can’t make it.

TONY: Oh, come on, Sam. Her cooking’s not that bad. Remind me to stock up on Pepto-Bismol.

ANG: Tony!

SAM: No, next weekend I’m going to New London for my drill team championship.

ANG: Oh, well, then let’s have it the following Friday.

MONA: That’s no good. I’ve got that wet T-shirt contest.

ANG: What about that Saturday?

TONY: Bowling night.

ANG: (Reluctantly) Well, I really want to cook a special dinner for you. Maybe we can postpone it till next month.

SAM: Don’t change it for me. You guys go ahead, and I’ll send you an Anniversary card while I’m away.
(She looks at Tony) And a Get Well card.

TONY: Or we could just do what we did last year.

ANG: I forgot it last year.

TONY: I know.

(As Angela gives him a look, we)

DISSOLVE TO:
ACT ONE
SCENE TWO
INT. LIVING ROOM - FRIDAY AFTERNOON

(Tony comes downstairs singing and starts toward the kitchen)

TONY:

“Happy anniversary to me,
Happy anniversary to me,
Happy anniversary, happy anniversary,
Happy anniversary to -- “

(At this point, he starts to push on the kitchen door, but it won’t open as Angela has put the kitchen table in front of it)

TONY: Angela?

ANG: (O.S) Go away….!

TONY: (Timidly) Angela, is everything okay in there?

ANGELA (O.S) I’m cooking.

TONY: I know, that’s what I’m worried about.

ANG: (O.S) Everything’s under control.

TONY: Did you figure out how to use the meat grinder?

ANG: (O.S) Tony , I’m an intelligent, capable woman. I can read the directions and use a simple kitchen appliance.

TONY: Okay.

(He moves away from the door)

CUT TO: INT. KITCHEN

(There is Angela at the counter “using” an old-fashioned manual meat grinder. The tie on her blouse has been eaten by the meat grinder and has pulled Angela’s face to within several inches of the appliance. Around her the kitchen is a shambles with all the preparations for Beef Wellington spread about. Angela is struggling to get her tie out as Mona enters back door carrying a form and a pencil)

ANG: (Relieved) Oh, Mother.

MONA: Angela, I’m filling out the organ donor card on my new driver’s license. Anything you want dibs on?

ANG: Mother, haven’t you noticed that I’m attached to a meat grinder?

MONA: Well, I didn’t want to criticize.

ANG: Help me!

(Mona turns the handle, puling Angela’s head closer to the meat grinder)

MONA: Oops. Wrong way. (She tries to reverse it) It’s stuck.

ANG: I know it’s stuck! That’s why I’ve asked you to help me!

(Mona crosses to drawer to get a pair of scissors)

MONA: Angela, you’re my daughter and I love you, and there are a lot of things you do well.

(She cuts Angela free)

Come to your senses and let Tony take over before it’s too late.

CUT TO: INT LIVING ROOM

(Tony is polishing a round silver tray. He holds it up and looks at his reflection)

TONY: I’d make a great silver dollar.

(Jonathan enters from upstairs in his Trail Blazer uniform)

JON: Hi, Tony

TONY: Hey, Pal.

JON: You know that Trail Blazer’s campout this weekend?

TONY: The one you’re not going to because you hate sleeping on dirt and making your own bathroom?

JON: Yeah. Do you think Mom will let me go?

TONY: I guess, but I’ve got to warn you, you won’t be able to hold it that long.

SFX: DOORBELL

TONY: (Cont’d) What changed your mind?

(Jonathan opens the door to reveal Jenny Wittener in her Trail Blazer uniform)

JENNY: (Dreamy) Hi, Jonathan. Are you coming to the Trail Blazer’s campout?

TONY: Hey, ho, I get it. Don’t worry Pal. I’ll put the fix in with your mom.

JON: Thanks, Tony.

(To Jenny)

You want to help me pack my duffle bag?

JENNY: Sure.

(To Tony)

I can’t say no to a man in uniform.

(She starts up the stairs ahead of Jonathan)

JON: (To Tony) I love those socks.

(And he exits upstairs after her. Tony crosses to the swinging door. He knocks)

TONY: Angela. It’s Tony.

ANG: (O.S) I guessed.

(She moves kitchen table away from door)

TONY: Can I come in?

ANG: (O.S) But of course.

(Tony enters)

CUT TO:
INT. KITCHEN

(Angela is spreading pate on the puff pastry. The kitchen is somewhat cleaner than earlier. Mona stands by the counter observing)

TONY: (Taking it in) Hey, Angela, I’m impressed. This is looking good. You got your beef, you got your pate, you got your pastry…what happened to your tie?

ANG: Nothing, it’s supposed to be this way.

TONY: Listen, it doesn’t look like Jonathan’s going to make it tonight.

ANG: (Getting mushy) But he has to be here. It’s our anniversary. It’s a special night.

TONY: It’s a co-ed campout.

MONA: Jenny Wittener?

TONY: I think she promised to dig his latrine.

MONA: Ooh, that little hussy.

ANG: Well, all right.

(Angela resumes her cooking. She starts to tie string around the filet of beef as if she’s wrapping a present)

I guess it’ll just be us grown-ups tonight. And you, Mother.

MONA: Why don’t you just take that to gift wrap?

TONY: You sure you don’t need some help?

ANG: I’m doing just fine, thank you. Dinner will be served at 8:00 pm precisely.

(Tony and Mona turn and start to exit)

TONY: (To Mona) Five bucks says we won’t see meat before 8:30.

MONA: 9:00 and it’s burnt.

(They both exit)

ANG: Doubting Thomases.

(She starts to walk away from the counter. The meat, which is tied neatly to her finger, comes with her)

DISSOLVE TO:
ACT ONE
SCENE THREE
INT. LIVING ROOM - A FEW HOURS LATER

(The table is set up in the living room, three place settings with three carefully arranged salads. Angela, dressed very nicely and wearing an apron, lights the candles and stands back to look at her work. Wanting everything to be perfect, she moves a flower arrangement from the side table to the dinner table and exits into the kitchen. Tony , dressed in slacks and a sports coat, comes downstairs. He goes to the table, looks at it a moment and wanting everything to be perfect, moves the flowers back to the side table. Angela enters, now apronless, and sees Tony)

TONY: Hey, Angela, I’ve got to admit, eight o’clock and the table looks great.

ANG: Thank you. You look very nice yourself.

TONY: Thank you. So do you.

ANG: Well, I guess we all look very nice.

(Mona enters from upstage door wearing clam diggers, baggy sweatshirt and high-top tennis shoes. She carries a bucket)

MONA: Happy Anniversary.

TONY: Hey Angela, you didn’t tell me this party was “bring your own bucket.”

ANG: Mother, I know I said dinner would be informal, but……

MONA: (Cutting her off) Oh, about dinner. I got a better offer. I’m going to a clambake.

ANG: What do you mean?

MONA: Clambake, Angela. First you dig for clams and then you bake them.

ANG: But what about our anniversary? You’re going to miss my Beef Wellington.

MONA: That’s another plus. Besides, you don’t need me around while you two celebrate.

ANG: Mother, this dinner is just a simple gesture of gratitude from an employer to an employee.

MONA: Well, who am I to stand in the way of true employment?

(She exits out the front door)

ANG: So, I guess it’s just us.

(She starts to clear the third place setting from the table)

TONY: Guess it’s just us.

(Angela picks up the bottle of champagne)

ANG: How about a little champagne? You don’t celebrate an anniversary every day.

TONY: Yeah, probably not more than once a year.

ANG: Yeah, but with less people and no three-legged race.

(Angela, taking the champagne bottle and pointing it towards the ceiling, pops the cork. It hits an offstage overhead light)

SFX: GLASS BREAKING

(The lighting is suddenly dimmer and more romantic)

TONY: This is very nice, Angela, but if you wanted to dim the lights, there’s a switch on the wall.

ANG: (Handing him the bottle) Maybe you should pour.

(Tony pours the champagne)

ANG: Well, I was going to make a little speech for the family, but it seems silly now.

(MORE AD LIB)

ANG: (Cont’d) Okay, quiet everybody, I’d just like to make a little toast to us. All of us.

(She takes out a little speech and holding up her glass, reads)

I want to thank you for coming into my life. Well, not just you. You and Sam. And not just my life. Jonathan’s and Mother’s, too. Oh, never mind. This doesn’t make any sense.

TONY: Yeah, it does. Go on.

ANG: (Continuing) Sam, you’ve always……..

(She realizes)

This is where I say a lot of nice things about Sam -- and Tony,… you…well, then I say a bunch of nice things about you.

(Embarrassed, rushing through)

And then I kind of end it all by saying how much I’ve grown to care about you.

TONY: That would be me and Sam.

ANG: Mostly Sam.

(They hold up their glasses)

TONY: To Sam.

ACT I
SCENE FOUR

(The candles are burning low, the champagne is almost empty and Tony and Angela are ending their meal)

TONY: I gotta hand it to you, Angela. This was a lot better than I expected.

ANG: Really? Would you like some more?

TONY: (Reflexively) No.

(With his hand on stomach)

No thanks.

ANG: You hated it.

TONY: No. I liked it, but I just have one question. What were those pink, thread-like things in the pate?

ANG: What did they taste like?

TONY: Polyester blend.

ANG: I beg your pardon. That tie was one hundred percent silk.

TONY: My mistake.

(They laugh)

Hey, really, Angela, this was terrific. How many housekeepers get this kind of treatment from their bosses?

ANG: Well, Tony, you’re not exactly just a housekeeper.

TONY: You’re not exactly just a boss.

ANG: Tony, you’ve been living here for two years now.

(I DARE YOU)

What exactly do you think we are?

TONY:

(TWO CAN PLAY AT THIS)

Okay, Angela, you want to know what I think?

ANG: That’s why I asked.

TONY: Okay. I think maybe we should take this bottle of champagne over to the fireplace and…discuss it.

ANG: Maybe we should.

(They start to get up from the table when Tony winces)

TONY: (Moaning) Ohhhh….

ANG: Tony, what is it?

TONY: My stomach. It’s killing me!

ANG: Oh, my God! I’ve poisoned you!

(Helping him to the couch)

Tony, you’re burning up! I’m calling the doctor. I don’t want to hear any macho arguments. You’re too sick. You need professional attention and -

TONY: Angela, would you call the doctor!

ANG: Right.

(She picks up the phone and dials. Tony moans)

CUT TO:
INT. KITCHEN

(Mona enters muttering to herself)

MONA: Some clambake. I wonder if there’s any leftovers.

(She starts rummaging around the kitchen)

TONY: (O.S)

(Moaning)

Oh, Angela.

(Mona stops in her tracks)

TONY: Oh, oh, hurry!

(Mona smiles)

MONA: Happy anniversary.

(She tiptoes out, as we)

FADE OUT:
ACT TWO
SCENE ONE
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - SHORT TIME LATER

(Angela is pacing back and forth as Dr. Carter enters)

DOCTOR: Mrs. Bower?

ANG: Yes?

DOCTOR: It looks like your friend’s appendix is about to burst.

ANG: His appendix? Oh, thank God!

DOCTOR: I beg your pardon.

ANG: No, no, I mean, thank God it wasn’t food poisoning.

(Then)

Cooking couldn’t do that to an appendix, could it?

DOCTOR: No, Ma’am.

ANG: Not even really bad cooking?

CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM

(Tony is in bed as the nurse finishes giving him an injection)

NURSE: This should make you feel better or at least you won’t care how bad you feel.

TONY: Taking out an appendix is pretty routine stuff, huh?

NIURSE: Well, as with any major surgery, there’s always a chance of death.

TONY: Thanks.

(The nurse exits as Angela enters)

ANG: Hi.

TONY: Hi.

ANG: Well, looks like it wasn’t my cooking after all.

TONY: No. I was surprised.

ANG: So was I. Some anniversary, huh?

(BEAT)

Are you scared?

TONY: Me? Nah. What have I got to be scared about?

(The nurse, two orderlies and the doctor enter with a gurney)

NURSE: All aboard for major surgery.

TONY: Oh, that.

(They put Tony on the gurney)

ANG: Don’t worry, Tony. You’re going to be okay. You have to be. What would I do without you?

TONY: Hey, you’d be fine. It might take awhile, but eventually you’d learn to use the vacuum.

(They laugh. Tony’s getting groggy)

DOCTOR: How are you feeling?

TONY: (Re: The medication)

I don’t know what you gave me, Doc, but does it come in a six pack?

DOCTOR: Now, Tony, I want you to know, an appendectomy is a fairly routine procedure. But as with any major surgery, there is always the chance of death.

TONY: Who picked this hospital?

ANG:

(Our brave little soldier)

Don’t worry. I’ll be right here when it’s all over. I mean, when they wheel you out. Alive, and fine.

TONY: Listen, Angela, if anything happens to me……

ANG: Nothing’s going to happen to you.

TONY: Okay, it’s not. But if it did, I’d like you to take care of Sam.

ANG: Oh, Tony.

TONY: (Groggier) I mean, you’ve been so good for her already, being there when she needed a woman to talk to, helping her grow up, helping me to let her grow up. I never would have made it through puberty without you.

ANG: Tony, I’d be honored to take care of Sam.

TONY: (Really groggy) Thanks. (They start to wheel him out)

(Softly)

Hey, Angela, I love you.

(He closes his eyes and is wheeled into the hall by the orderlies. Angela stands stunned for a moment, then snaps out of it)

ANG: What?

(She rushes into the hallway)

(Tony is being wheeled past the nurses station. Angela rushes to them)

ANG: Wait a minute.

(To nurse) What did he say?

(To Tony) What did you say? Tony, wake up! Tony! Tony!

NURSE: Ma’am, if you don’t mind, if would probably go easier for him if he were asleep.

ANG: Right. Shhh.

(She tucks him in, and Tony is wheeled off)

ACT TWO
SCENE TWO
INT. KITCHEN - NEXT MORNING

(Angela is at the table in a robe dozing over her coffee. Mona enters, sees Angela sleeping, quietly closes the door, pours herself coffee, tiptoes over, quietly pulls out the chair opposite Angela’s, sits down and…)

MONA: (At the top of her lungs) WAKE UP!

(Angela jumps out of her skin. Mona smiles innocently)

I’m sorry, Dear. Did I wake you?

ANG: Oh, Mother, it’s you. I didn’t sleep all night long.

MONA (This is better than she thought)

Really? All night long? How’s Tony?

ANG: He’s in the hospital.

MONA: (Her little Angela?!) Angela, what did you do to him?

ANG: His appendix burst.

MONA: I never heard of that. A hernia, maybe.

ANG: Mother, Tony got sick right after dinner. They took his appendix out at two o’clock this morning.

MONA: (Realizing) Oh, my God. Is he all right?

ANG: He’s fine. The doctor said he’ll probably sleep for another eight hours.

MONA: So everything’s okay?

ANG: No, everything’s a mess. Tony told me he loved me.

MONA: Ooh, the plot thickens. What did you say to him?

ANG: Nothing. He was unconscious at the time.

MONA: That explains it.

ANG: Mother!

MONA: Well, Dear, how do you feel about him?

ANG: He’s my housekeeper, he’s from Brooklyn. We’re totally different.

MONA: You’re not answering the question. Do you love him?

ANG: What if I did love him and things didn’t work out and we ended up not even liking each other and he moved to another state and Jonathan never saw him again and I never saw Sam and I couldn’t figure out how to use the vacuum…

MONA: Yeah. But what if it worked out and it was good? Really good.

(BEAT)

Talk to him, Angela.

ANG: I wouldn’t know what to say. What if he didn’t mean what he said? What if he doesn’t even remember what he said?

MONA: What if he does remember and he meant it?

ANG: Why do you always answer a question with a question?

MONA: Do I do that? Come on, you big chicken. What’s it going to be?

ANG: I am not a chicken and I fully intend to discuss this with Tony.

(BEAT)

If he brings it up.

(Mona clucks like a chicken and we…)

DISSOLVE TO:
ACT TWO
SCENE THREE
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - A FEW HOURS LATER

(Tony is in bed, with his eyes closed. The nurse leans over him, taking his pulse)

TONY: (Stirs) Angela

(He pulls the nurse towards him, opens his eyes, realizes)

You’re not Angela.

NURSE: Take it easy. You just came out of surgery.

TONY: I guess I gave everyone a pretty big scare.

NURSE: Not me. I don’t even know you. But your lady friend looked pretty shook up.

TONY: Oh, that’s Angela. She thought she killed me.

NURSE: (Putting a thermometer in his mouth)

No, she seemed to take that in stride. It’s when you told her you loved her that she really got jumpy.

TONY: (Spits out the thermometer) What?! I said that?

NURSE: Yeah. Surprised her, too.

TONY: (With thermometer in) How could I say that? She’s my boss.

(Takes thermometer out) What am I going to do?

NURSE: (Puts thermometer back) You’re going to put this thermometer back in you mouth so I can finish your chart and go home.

TONY: I’m such a jerk. (Takes thermometer out) That was way out of line. I probably ruined everything. Just when it was going so good.

NURSE: (Takes the thermometer) I’m warning you, buddy. One more peep and I’m going to be forced to take a different approach with this thing.

(Tony opens his mouth and the nurse puts the thermometer back)

(Angela enters with flowers)

ANG: Hi

TONY: Hmm.

ANG: How are you feeling?

(The nurse takes thermometer out of his mouth)

TONY: Like someone cut me open and ripped out my insides.

NURSE: That’s pretty much how it happened.

(She exits. Angela hands him the flowers)

ANG: Here, these are for you.

TONY: Oh, Angela, thanks. I love daffodils.

(He opens the card and reads)

“Get well soon.” Aw, how’d you think of that?

(She shrugs modestly)

TONY: What’s this scratched out here? L……O……

ANG: Oh, that’s “Lots of Luck,” but it didn’t seem to convey the right feeling.

TONY: This is much better. “Yours truly, Angela Bower.” That’s very touching.

(LONG BEAT)

TONY: Listen, Angela, about last night…

ANG: (Apprehensive) Yes?

TONY: It was a great dinner. The whole evening was great. Right up until they wheeled me into surgery.

ANG: Yeah, speaking of when they wheeled you into surgery…

TONY: (Apprehensive) Yes?

ANG: You must have been pretty groggy.

TONY: Oh. Yeah, I was.

ANG: So you probably don’t remember anything you said.

TONY:

(ALL RIGHT, HE’LL GO FOR IT)

Well, actually I do remember saying something.

ANG: What was that?

(LONG BEAT. HE CAN’T)

TONY: Ow.

ANG: Yeah, that’s what I remember, too.

(BEAT)

ANG: Well, I guess you’re kind of tired. Get some sleep. I’ll be back later.

(She exits. Tony looks at the empty doorway for a beat. Then closes his eyes. Angela returns and looks as if she wants to say something, but sees he’s asleep. She looks at him a beat, then exits. Tony opens his eyes and looks toward the door, but she’s gone)

FADE OUT:
END OF ACT TWO

TAG
INT. LIVING ROOM - A FEW DAYS LATER

(Tony is lying on the couch, wearing sweats, with a pillow under his head)

TONY: (Groans) Ohhh…

JON: (O.S)

How are you feeling, Tony?

TONY: Terrible. How about you?

JON: Worse.

ANGLE ON:

(Jonathan seated in a chair wearing a T-shirt and shorts, his legs, arms and face are dotted with Calamine Lotion)

JON: Why did all the mosquitoes at camp have to pick on me?

TONY: I guess they like little WASPs.

JON: I’m never going outside again.

(Sam and Mona enter carrying grocery bags. Ad lib “Hellos,” “How are you’s?,” and groans)

SAM: (Carrying groceries towards couch)

TONY: Funny, Sam. But just remember, some day I’ll be able to move again and… (Ominously) …you’re mine.

(Sam darts into the kitchen)

MONA: Okay, I’ve got everything you asked for. Comic books for you young man. (Handing them to Tony )

And girlie magazines for you. (Handing them to Jonathan)

Wait a minute, that’s not right. (She makes the switch)

JON: (Snapping his fingers) Rats!

(Angela enters from the kitchen. She carries a tray with two glasses of juice)

ANG: Okay, juice for my sick little boys.

(She hands juice to Jonathan and Tony )

TONY: (Like a sick little boy) Is it fresh?

ANG: Yes, I squeezed it myself, and I took all the seeds out.

TONY: You weren’t wearing a tie, were you?

SFX: PHONE

(Angela goes to answer it)

ANG: Hello. Yes, just a minute. (Covering mouthpiece) It’s Dr. Carter.

TONY: (The hypochondriac) Oh, God, I bet he left a sponge in me…or his watch. I think I hear it ticking.

ANG: It’s for Mother.

TONY: Oh.

MONA: (Taking phone) Hello. Why, yes, Dr. Carter, Saturday night sounds like fun. But I must warn you, as with any procedure of this nature, there’s always a chance of death, but it’ll be worth it.

(On Tony’s reaction, we)

FREEZE FRAME:

END OF TAG