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40. When Worlds Collide [ - ]
by jathlon
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Transcript from the broadcast version of When Worlds Collide.

Who's the Boss?
Episode #40 - When Worlds Collide

Act One:

Scene takes place in the kitchen. Tony is standing and talking on the phone. Angela is going through her mail at the kitchen table. Samantha is doing her nails.

Tony: (To phone) Awww, your kidding me. Oh no! (To Angela, and Samantha) Philly Fingers wife just threw him out of the house.

Angela: Why?

Tony: Ahhh, he got home late last night from a party.

Angela: Ohhh, that doesn't seem fair.

Tony: Well it was a New Years Eve party. Nineteen eighty-four.

Sam: How bout Joey?

Tony: Oh! How bout Joey? (Listens to phone. Then to A. and S) Aww. His wife just had a baby.

Sam: Peewee?

Tony: How a Peewee? (Listens to phone. Then to A. and S ) Just had his rugs cleaned. Didn't even know he had rugs.

Angela: Did I miss something?

Sam: Yea, Dad's monthly poker game is on for Saturday night. They've got nowhere to play.

Angela: I have a wonderful idea!

Tony: (Still talking on the phone) Ah, so what are we going to do now? Come on.

Angela runs over and takes the phone from Tony.

Angela: Hello! Mister Fingers. Yes, yes this is Angela Bower. How would you and your friends like to play at my house Saturday night. (Pause) Poker. (Pauses and listens) Oh, well lets say eightish and don't feel you have to bring anything. (Pause) Bye, bye. (Hangs up phone. Goes back to sit at kitchen table)

Tony: Thats very nice of you Angela. That really is, but you know these guys, there a little, I don't know, rough around the edges.

Sam: They're disgusting.

Tony: Heh!

Angela: Come on Tony, I'm really looking forward to meeting your friends.

Tony: (Starts to say a few different things all at the same time) Allright, eh, look I guess we can play poker in Connecticut, eh. I better tell Peewee to dress.

Angela: Oh no, Tony, lets keep it informal.

Tony: No, Peewee likes to play in his underware.

Angela: A shirt would be nice.

Sam: You haven't seen his shirts. (Geting up from the table)

Tony: Neither has the laundry. Get out of here! (Chases Samantha out of the kitchen)

Angela: Eeeeeeeeeee! (Angela jumps up excited to stand beside Tony) Oh, a letter from my very best friend from graduate school! I haven't seen her in years. Eeeeeeeeee! (Right in Tonys ear. He flinches away from the sound)

Tony: She coming for a visit Angela?

Angela: Yea, she'll be here for diner Saturday night.

Tony: Eeeeeeeee! ( Imitating Angela) That's my poker night.

Angela: Ooohhh. What are you going to do. (Sits down again)

Tony: What am I going to do?

Angela: Yea, well they're your friends.

Tony: Angela, you invited them.

Angela: Oh. Oh, I know, and I'd love to meet them. Just not with Emily. She's, she's so reserved and conservative. She's not at all the free spirit that I am.

Tony: Oh yea! You and Madonna. (Turns away) Guess I'll just have to call off my game.

Angela: You think you're friends will understand?

Tony: What friends.

Angela: Ahhh, Tony! I feel terrible.

Tony: That's okay

Angela: No let me see, let me see if I can switch it. Ah! I know I'll have her over for Sunday brunch.

Tony: Ah! That's a good idea. You know, Emily, she sounds more like a brunch person. Where as, my guys, they're like Saturday night animals. Hey! You're home owners policy paid up?

Fade out.

Act Two.

Front room. Tony is adjusting the plants on the sofa table. Door bell rings.

Tony: They're here. ( Runs over to the door. Opens it. Then in a loud voice) Hi Joey! (Same time Joey is saying, Hi Tony! Tony gives Joey a brotherly hug) What do you say, buddy? Hey P. (As Philly Fingers come through the door. They give each other five)

Peewee: Hey Tone!

Tony: Hey Peewee. (Looks at his shirt) Aloha!

Peewee: Absolutely!

Tony: Hey, hey, hey, hows your rugs?

Peewee: Wet!

Tony: (To Joey) How's your baby?

Joey: Wet!

Tony: (To Philly) How's your wife?

Philly: Don't ask!

Tony: Well, where's Eddie?

Philly: Well we didn't want to come empty handed, so we picked up a couple of beers.

Eddie: Aaaaaa, Tony! (Eddie comes in with a keg of beer on each shoulder)

Tony: Hey Eddie, isn't that heavy!

Eddie: No, it's light beer!

Tony: Hey, got a match?

Eddie: Yea, your face, my ...

Tony: Angela! (Angela enters down the stairs)

Angela: Hi guys! (Pause. Turns to Peewee) Oh, you must be Peewee.

Peewee. (Showing a little attitude) What makes you say that? (Pause. Then laughs. Angela looks relieved)

Tony: And this is Joey Rossini.

Angela: Oh yes, of course. Hello again.

Tony: And this is Mister Philly Fingers.

Angela: Mister Fingers.

Tony: That's right, and this is Eddie Carpucci, world class exterminator.

Angela: Exterminator, (Tenatively) you do mean bugs?

Everybody laughs.

Angela: Ahh, this is wonderful. I'm so delighted that we could all be together tonight and hang out.

Tony: Come on in guys, sit down. Hey your looking good. (To Eddie) Hey Peewee did you grow?

Mona enter from the rear door.

Mona: I see all the guests have arrived! I thought I smelled men.

Guys all lift their arms to check for b/o.

Tony: (Through his teeth) Put your arms down! (Steps back to look at Mona)

Ohhs and ahhs from Tony and Angela.

Tony: Oh, oh Mona. You, you look terrific!

Angela: Oh Mother! You are just going to be the belle of the policemen's ball!

Mona: You like it? It was on sale at Birk Doffs. It was a steal!

Philly: Oh next time talk to me. I mean I can steal for you wholesale!

Sound a police siren. Philly starts looking nervous.

Philly: You got a back door?

Mona: Relax, it's just my date.

Megaphone amplified voice from off screen: Mona Robinson, this is officer Bob. I know you're in there.

Mona: Ahhh, he's so impatient.

Mona goes out the front door. Wolf whistle sound from the police megaphone.

Act Three.

All the guys are in the kitchen. Peewee is pulling beers from one of the kegs.

Peewee: Allright, who wants a beer here?

Tony: Yo! I'll have one. (Peewee leaves the keg running while he hands out the beer he was just drawing) Peewee! (Tony runs over shuts off the beer which was draining onto the floor)

Eddie: Gather round sports fans.

Tony: All right guys, come on lets sit down and play some poker!

Angela comes into the kitchen, grabs a spare chair and pulls it up to the table.

Tony: Angela, what are you're doing.

Angela: Playing poker.

Tony: You can't play poker, you don't know how to play poker.

Angela: (Pulls a thin pocketbook on Poker out of a pocket) Suprise, suprise! I've been studying for two days.

Philly: You got cash?

Angela: (Pulls a wad of cash out of her other pocket. Holds it out in front of herself) Is this enough?

Philly: Let her play!

Tony: Angela, Angela, this is for real! These guys win your money, they don't give it back.

Angela: Well then I'll just have to win, won't I?

Angela starts dealing the cards.

Angela: One for you, one for you, one for you, one for you, one for you, and one for me. Another one for ...

Tony: Would you just deal the cards?

Angela deals out the rest of the cards more efficiently. Finishes. Everyone gathers thier cards up and looks at them.

Peewee: Okay, I'll uh, I'll open for a Washington.

Philly: I'll see that.

Joey: I'm in.

Eddie: Me too.

Tony: I'll see that, and uhh, let's go up one more.

Angela: Ahhh, that's two dollars. Oh why not. And another one for goodluck.

Everyone else ante's up in an exagerated fashion, imitating Angela.

Tony: Allright, allright allright, it's your money. I'm in.

Angela: Excuse me, I don't have this on my list. What beats a royal flush?

Everyone else starts groaning, throws thier cards in.

Angela: Well I'll just have to get one of those. (As she's gathering up the money)

Tony: Ay oh!

Eddie: Oh ay! She bluffed us!

Philly: What's going on here?

Tony: Not bad, Angela, not bad. For a beginner.

Angela: Thank you Tony. Welcome to Connecticut, boys!

Act Three, Scene Two

Still in the kitchen. Later in the poker game. Angela is wearing Philly's hat.

Angela: Ohhh, hoee. (As she's gathering up money again) Hey Peewee, stop hogging the beef jerky.

Peewee: Ahh! (Moves the jerky over where Angela can reach it)

Angela: Thanks.

Peewee takes a drink of his beer. Spills some on his shirt.

Tony: Peewee, what is with you? Do you do stuff like that at home.

Peewee: Yeah!

Angela: Loosen up Tony! (To the rest of the guys) Since he's move to Connecticut. He's gotten so uptight.

Bunch of ad lib agreements from the rest of the guys.

Philly: Are we gonna jaw all night or are we going to play some poker.

Angela: I think I'm going to take your money, and I'm going to get a little shut eye.

Bunch of groaning from the guys pleading with her to stay.

Angela: No really, I have a very important brunch tomorrow.

Peewee: Oh yea, I know how that can be.

Mutterings of agreement from the rest of the guys.

Angela: Good night you guys. Thanks a lot.

Goodnights from everyone. Angela takes Philly's hat off and sticks it on Tony's head. Gets up and leaves.

Tony: Hey uh. Excuse me a second guys. (Tony follows Angela in to the front room)

Scene changes to the front room.

Tony: Angela?

Angela: Yo!

Tony: Heh, yo! (Imitates Angela's yo.) You want me to throw these guys out? You know these games can go kinda late.

Angela: No, no. I'm a sound sleeper. You guys enjoy yourselves.

Tony: Thanks Angela. (Angela turns to go) Hey Angela?

Angela: Yea.

Tony: You were really terrific tonight.

Angela: Yea, I was, wasn't I? They're a great bunch of guys.

Tony: You like them?

Angela: Yea, I do. I think they like me too.

Tony: Are you kidding me? They love you. I mean, what's not to love? (Tony realizes that he may have gone a little to far) I mean..

Eddie: (Sticks his head out from the kitchen) Hey Tony!

Tony: Yea.

Eddie: Are you in or what?

Tony: (Through his teeth very quickly) I'm in, I'm in, I'll be right there, just give me a moment.

Eddie gets a laugh out of Tony's response as he disappears back into the kitchen.

Tony: (To Angela) I think I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go play cards.

Angela: Okay.

Tony: Goodnight.

Angela: Goodnight.

Tony stands a moment longer looking at Angela. Turns and dashes back into the kitchen. Angela just stands there for a moment smiling watching Tony go back into the kitchen.

Scene returns to the kitchen. Tony comes rushing back in and grabs his seat.

Tony: Oh ho, come on guys, lets play cards, I'm feeling hot!

Eddie: I noticed.

The guys all give Tony a ribbing kind of laugh. Throw cards at him.

Scene fades to ...

Act Four.

Front room. Angela, Samantha and Jonathan enter from the top of the stairs. All dressed up. Angela is a little flustered, obviously worried about making a good impression on her friend. Talking to herself quietly.

Angela: Okay. (Pats a cushion on the chair) There we go. (Turns to look at Samantha and Jonathan) Oh, oh, you look wonderful! Everything is going to be just perfect for Emily.

Angela turns and walk into the kitchen. Door swings shut behind her. We hear her anguished scream. Samantha and Jonathan look at each other than follow her.

Scene changes to the kitchen. Angela stands coughing in the thick smoke.

Joey: Hi Ang. Are you in?

Jonathan: I'm glad I didn't do this.

Tony: What are you'se doing up so early.

Angela: Early? Early? Emily will be here any minute.

Tony: (Getting up as he's talking) You're kidding me? Oh, I'm sorry, I lost all track of time here!

Samantha: Dad! Didn't you even notice the sun rise?

Tony: No, was it nice? Listen Angela, don't worry about it, the games over and the guys are out of here. Lets go, out! Out! (Tony starts shooing the guys out) Come on move it.

General rabble of discontent from the poker players, as they get up and start leaving.  Angela is looking in the refridgerator.

Angela: Wait. Where's my quiche? Where's my cucumber sandwiches?

Tony: Well, I don't know! (Turns around and make an inquireing gesture to the guys)

General round of denials from everyone except Peewee who is still gathering money off the table. Everyone turns to look at him.

Peewee: (Looking guilty) I kinda got the munchies.

Tony: (Resumes shooing the guys out) Come on, let's go, let's go!

Joey: (As he's going out the door) Hey Eddie! Are you coming?

Eddie: No, I going to stick around and help Tony clean up. (To Angela) You gotta hose?

Angela throws a piece of garbage down in disgust and leaves the kitchen.

Tony: (Quickly to Eddie) I got it, I got it. (Follows Angela into the front room)

Scene changes to front room.

Tony: Angela, Angela. Me and Eddie will have this place cleaned up spotless, before Emily even shows up.

Angela: Eddie can not stay here.

Tony: Why no? Eddie's my friend.

Angela: Well, I know that, and he's a very lovely man. And the next time we have a termite problem, he's got the job. I promise. But he, and Emily come from two very different worlds, and I don't think it's a very good idea, if those worlds collide.

Tony: Well thank you Carl Sagan. (Angela carries on arranging things in the front room) Ah come on Angela, he won't embarrass you, and anyway he'll be long gone before she shows up. Okay? (Doorbell rings) Or I could be wrong.

Angela: It's her! It's her! (Turns to go answer door. Opens door)

Angela: Emily!

Emily: Angela!

Emily and Angela at the same time: Eeeeeeeee! (Tony looks on a little unimpressed)

Angela: Thank you. (Comes in and takes her coat off) Oh this place is perfect! So quaint! So charming! (They are walking over toward Tony who is still near the kitchen door. Eddie comes out of the kitchen about the same time. Walking over as if he was going to talk to Tony. See's Emily)

Eddie: Ohhhh! Who's the fox with the great morracas?

Commercial break.

Angela: Emily, this is my housekeeper Tony Micelli.

Tony: Hi Emily, it's so nice to meet you. And this is my good friend Eddie Carpucci.

Angela: Who will be leaving shortly.

Eddie: Nice to meet you! (Emily shakes hands with Eddie. He doesn't let go)

Emily: That's quite a grip you have there.

Eddie: That's from pumping spray cans. I'm an exterminator. Licenced.

Tony: Well ahh, Eddie, you don't want to hurt the girl. Eddie. Let her go Eddie, let her go. (Tony has to physically make Eddie let go)

Eddie: So ahhh. Emily. What do you do, to earn a buck?

Emily: Well, I perform studies on organizational productivity at Stanford.

Eddie: Ohhh, I love a woman with big brains.

Angela: (A little to loudly) Well isn't that nice! (To Tony through clenched teeth) Do something.

Tony: Eddie! Heel! (Eddie ignores Tony and follows Emily around the couch. Emily sits down and Eddie sits at the far end)

Angela: Tony, can I see you in the kitchen for a minute, please?

Tony: Yea, yea sure. (To Emily and Eddie) Would you excuse us. Talk among yourselves.

Angela and Tony go into the kitchen. Scene changes to the kitchen.

Angela: I told you, I told you, I told you.

Tony: I know, I know, I know. You were right. Emily's really up tight. Whuh!

Angela: Emily? I'm talking about Eddie. You know the one who evaluates people morracas?

Tony: For some people that's a compliment.

Angela: You leave my mother out of this. You're friend is ruining my brunch.

Tony: Allright, allright, allright. I'll take him to the station. It's obvious that oil and vinegar just don't mix.

Angela and Tony both head back to the front room.

Scene changes back to the front room, where Emily and Eddie are kissing rather passionately on the couch. Angela and Tony are standing in the door with suprised looks on thier faces.

Angela: Oh my God, what are they doing?

Tony: They're making salad dressing. (Angela and Tony return to the kitchen)

Angela: What are ..what are we going to do.

Tony: I don't know. You got any croutons? (Getting a good laugh out of the situation)

Angela: I'm glad. I'm thrilled that you find this so amusing. (Moves over closer to the door. Starts talking louder) Tony, I think it's time we got back to our guests.

Tony: (Louder as well) Good idear Angela.

They walk throught the door back into the front room. Emily and Eddie are sitting at the far ends of the couch again. Angela shakes her head in disbelief.

Angela: Emily. You will never guess who I saw the other day! (Emily and Eddie are staring at each other. Emily doesn't seem to be listening to Angela) Well I won't keep you in suspense. It was Sarah Connors and she looks horrible.

Emily: What was that Angela?

Tony: Uhh, heh Eddie, what do you say? You don't want to do anything you might regret like miss the train! (Tony grabs Eddie by the arm and drags him out of the chair) Let's hit the road pal.

Emily: Please don't leave on my account. (Eddie quickly sits down)

Emily: Ahhhh, Angela! Do you have any hand cream? My skins so dry.

Angela: Uhhh, in my purse.

Emily: The kind with extra emollients and deep penetrating moisturizers?

Angela: I don't think so.

Emily: Oh. It's the only kind I use. Gee, is there a drug store around here?

Eddie: Well sure there is. I'll give you a lift. ( Eddie gets up and Emily is right behind him) Tony can I borrow your van. (Eddie grabs Tony's keys of the table by the door. Emily and Eddie just keep moving right out the door)

Tony: Ahhh, wait a second Eddie. Wait, wait, eh eh eh eh. (Tony is talking to Eddies back the whole time)

Angela: (After the door closes behind Emily and Eddie) Her skin has always been very dry.

Act Five.

Angela and Tony are in the kitchen finishing cleaning up after the poker game. We hear Mona coming up to the outer door of the kitchen, singing very loudly Tina Turners, What's Love Got To Do With It. Mona enters the kitchen still singing and dancing to the music, while listening to it on a walkman. Angela touches her arm and gets her attention.

Mona: Oh! Good morning all.

Tony: Good morning Mona. You're looking very chipper. How was the policemen's ball?

Mona: Oh, it was wonderful! I could have danced all night. But I didn't. (Sets walkman down) Where's Emily?

Tony: Eddie took her to the drug store in my van.

Mona: They must be back by now. You're van's parked out front.

Tony and Angela run into the front room with Mona following closely. Tony stops suddenly at the front window. Angela bumps into him. Mona bumps into Angela.

Tony: Thanks, Moe and Larry.

Angela: I don't see them.

Tony: That's because the windows are all steamed up.

Angela: What are they doing?

Mona: Angela, we had that talk before you married Michael. I knew you weren't listening. (Mona jogs out of the room)

Tony: Here they come, here they come!

Emily and Eddie come through the front entrance.

Emily: Sorry we took so long.

Eddie: What can I say? (Tosses Tony the keys)

Tony: Eddie, Eddie. Can I talk to you in the kitchen, please. I think we got bugs.

Eddie: Yea sure. They know how to crawl, I know how to kill em!

Eddie and Tony leave the front room.

Emily: Would you believe we had to drive to New Haven to find the hand cream?

Angela: No!

Emily: Hartford?

Scene changes to the kitchen with Eddie and Tony.

Tony: What do you think your doing?

Eddie: I'm looking for bugs! You said you had bugs!

Tony: I'll give you bugs Eddie. I can't believe you and Angela's best friend .. you know.

Eddie: I know! I know!

Scene changes back to Emily and Angela in front room.

Emily: I couldn't help myself Angela! When he started to nibble on my ..

Angela: Please! Spare me the details.

Emily: Eddies so refreshing. He's rough around the edges. Strong! But sweet, uncomplicated. Do you know what I mean?

While Emily is talking Angela starts smiling to herself. Turns to Emily.

Angela: Nibbled on your what?

Scene changes back to Eddie and Tony in the kitchen.

Tony: You're not making this up are you? I mean eh, she don't seem the type.

Eddie: It's true Tony. You wouldn't believe what they teach you in graduate school.

Back to Emily and Angela in the front room.

Angela: Of course not. Tony and I don't (searching for right words) have a relation like that.

Emily: Angela, don't you ever think about it?

Angela: (Very quickly) Never!

Eddie and Tony return to the front room from the kitchen.

Tony: Good news! No bugs.

Eddie: At least not in the kitchen. You want me to check the bedrooms?

Tony: No no no. No bedrooms. (Stops Eddie) I think I'll go and make us something to eat. (Turns to go to kitchen)

Angela: Oh what an wonderful idea. I imagine we've all worked up quite an appetite. I don't mean we! I don't mean you! I don't mean anything. I'll help you.

Tony and Angela leave the front room for the kitchen.

Tony: Talk about your worlds colliding. BOOM! We're talking the big bang theory here.

Angela: From what Emily said, it sounds like they had a lovely time.

Tony: That's exactly the word Eddie used. Lovely.

Angela: I guess opposites do attract.

Tony: That's what they say.

Angela: Who would have thought? Emily's so ..

Tony: Classy! And Eddie's so uhh ..

Angela: Physical.

Angela and Tony pass a few moments exchanging "the look".

Eddie enters the kitchen.

Eddie: Hey pal, it's about time to catch that train. You want to give me a lift to the station?

Tony: You're leaving now?

Eddie: Yea, I got to get back.

Eddie returns to the front room. Angela and Tony follow him.

Eddie: It was really nice meeting you Emily. You give me a call next time you're in town, (Gives her a business card) or if you ever have any bug questions.

Emily: (Laughs) Ah well thank you Eddie, and listen, you do the same if you ever do any work at Stanford.

Eddie: Thanks for the hospitality, Angela. You to Emily. (Eddie turns and goes out the front door. Tony follows him out)

Scene switches to the front porch.

Tony: I don't get it. Why the quick get-away? I mean, ain't you going to see her again?

Eddie: What's the point Tony? What am I gonna do? Take her to Marties Melody Room and teach her how to shot pool?

Tony: She might like pool!

Eddie: Okay and then what? Is she going to marry me and live in Brooklyn? It ain't natural Tony.

Scene cut back to the front room with Emily and Angela.

Angela: Emily, that's it? You're not going to see him again?

Emily: Well no Angela. Not unless he shows up at the next faculty tea.

Angela: You didn't even try.

Emily: Ah well it might be fun for a while. Might be a lot of fun. But, uhh, eventually a man like this would suffocate in my world. (Takes Eddie's card, lightly crushes it. Heavy sigh) I'm famished! What have you got to eat around here?

Angela: Nothing! Why don't we go to the country club for brunch.

Emily: Okay. Give me a moment to freshen up.

Angela: Yea, right around the corner. (Points to the facilities)

Tony comes back in.

Tony: Forgot my keys. (Goes over to get his keys) How's Emily?

Angela: Hungry. How's Eddie.

Tony: Can't seem to get back to Brooklyn fast enough. I'm going to drive him.

Angela: Well, I'll be at the club.

Tony: Yea, well, I figure while I'm in Brooklyn, I'm going to shot some pool.

Angela: Okay.

Tony: Hey Angela?

Angela: Yea.

Tony: You don't shoot pool do you?

Angela: No.

Tony: I didn't think so.

Emily reenters the front room. Walks over to pick up her coat.

Emily: What the hell! (Picks up Eddie's card)

Tony holds open the door for the ladies. Angela stops just in the doorway to exchange "looks" with Tony. Tony exits and closes door behind himself.

Fade to black.

Act Six.

Mona, Jonathan, Tony, Samantha and Angela are all sitting at the kitchen table, playing poker.

Samantha: I'll see you, and raise you six cents.

Angela: Okay. Throws some money in.

Mona: Jonathan. Can I borrow a nickel?

Jonathan: Okay, Grandma. But you're allready four bucks in the hole.

Mona: Who asked you?

Jonathan: I think I'm wanna raise it. (Pushes his whole piggy bank into the pot)

Angela: Sweetheart! Are you sure you want to do that. That's your whole piggy bank.

Jonathan: Isn't four aces pretty good?

Samantha: I fold.

Angela: I fold.

Mona: I fold!

Tony: Hold it! (Looks over at Angela) No way pal, I fell for this with your mother. I want to see it. (Pulls out his wallet and puts it on the table) There we are. I call. And read em and weep. A full house! (Puts his cards down) Starts to reach for the money.

Jonathan moves the money away from Tony. Lays down his cards.

Tony: Four aces.

Jonathan: I told you! (Picks up Tony's wallet) Alright, credit cards!

Tony: Oh wait a minute Jonathan.

Freeze frame as Jonathan reaches for the rest of the money, roll the credits