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23. It Happened One Summer I [ - ]
by folle
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Transcript from the broadcast version of It Happened One Summer.

Who's the Boss?
Episode #23 - It Happened One Summer (Part 1)

Scene One: The Bower House. Angela is home with a team from a professional cleaning service. It’s obviously summer. She has on white shorts and a pink blouse with her hair in the famous up-do.

Ang: Thank you. Thank you very much. Very good job. (to the head cleaner) Now, did you clean behind the refrigerator?

Cleaner: Check.

Ang: Did you buff the floors in the closets?

Cleaner: Check.

Ang: Did you clean the bugs out of the light fixture in the garage?

Cleaner: Check.

Ang: Is there anything I’ve forgotten?

Cleaner: The check.

Ang: Ahh. (hands him the check). Just wanted to make sure everything is spick and span.

Cleaner: (walking to the door to leave) Yeah, who you got coming over, Tony Randall?

Ang: Oh no, actually, my housekeeper’s coming back from vacation.

Cleaner: Oh well, how nice for you.

Ang: No, no, no it’s really nice for him. You see, he and his daughter have driven down the coast to Florida…and you know, it’s so beautiful there this time a year…And she really is a darling, and he’s well, well actually let’s just say that he really deserves a vaca… – (notices that the cleaner has left) – a vacation.

(Angela looks around awkwardly and closes the front door. She looks around and walks over to the sofa table and starts cleaning a nonexistent spot with her shirttail. Mona walks in from behind)

Mona: Do you and the table want to be alone?

Ang: Hiya Mother, no, I just ah, cleaners missed a spot. And you know Tony, I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of walking in here and saying (mimicking Tony) “Ah, this place looks like a grease pit”.

Mona: Oh Angela, come on now, admit it now, you just don’t want Tony to think you can’t do without him, huh?

Angela: That’s not true, Mother! I hear a car door?

Mona: Are they here?

(Sam comes in through the front door)

Sam: We’re home!

Mona: Hurray, hurray, hurray! My baby! (Mona takes her luggage)

Ang: (hugging Sam) Hi! I’m so glad to see you. (straightening her hair) Uhm, where’s Tony?

Sam: He’s unloading the van. Great to be back!

(Sam and Mona head to the sofa)

Mona: How was Florida, what did you do? Did you go where the boys were?

Sam: Ohh, I wanted to, but guess where Dad wanted to go…

(Tony enters through the front door with lots of luggage, wearing Mickey Mouse muscle shirt & mouse ears)

Tony: Hiya Minnie, Hiya Pluto!

Mona: Hey!

Tony: Hey Mona (picks her up and spins her around with obvious affection, kissing her on the cheek)

Mona: Oh I missed you, you big lug!

Tony: Oh I missed you too Mona! Every moment away from you is like an eternity. (turns to Angela, formally shakes her hand) Oh, hi Angela. You look so…so – it’s not to say you look “so so”, but uhm, the three weeks hasn’t aged you a bit.

Ang: Oh, thank you. I stayed out of the sun.

Tony: It worked. (Tony & Angela pause to think about the flirtation)

Tony: Hey, this place looks like a grease pit! (phone rings) Ahh! Allow me, I haven’t done this in so long. (answers phone) Bower residence, Tony speaking…she certainly is, in all her glory. (covers phone) It’s for you Angela, it’s Jonathan’s counselor at his camp. (under his breath) It’s so good to be home!

Ang: Hello…Oh yes, Mr. Wormser…Oh?…Oh?…Oh no…yes…yes…yeah well I’ll see you tomorrow then…thanks very much...bye bye.

Tony: Something wrong?

Ang: No. He just wanted to make sure I’d be up there tomorrow for Parent’s weekend, and I may have to bring Jonathan back with me.

Sam: What’s the matter?

Tony: Is there a problem?

Mona: (panicky) Has he got poison ivy? Did he break his leg? Is he constipated? What is wrong with my grandson?

Ang: (all cute and sheepishly) He misses his Mommy.

Mona: Why?

Ang: Mother! The child is homesick! He misses Tony, he misses Sam, he misses you, and the snake.

Mona: Well, at least I got billing over the snake.

Tony: Angela, when you go up to visit him, uhm, why not bring along something to cheer him up.

Ang: Well, actually, I have baked him some cookies.

Tony: Angela, the kid feels bad enough, come on! (whole family laughs) No, I’m serious, why don’t you bring something to really cheer him up.

Ang: Like what?

Tony: Like us! (Sam, Mona and Tony pose for Angela)

Scene Two: Angela, Tony, Mona and Sam are driving up a country road in the station wagon up to camp for Parent’s weekend.

Tony: (scolding) No, we are not almost there…and no, we are not going to eat until we get to our picnic stop, and if you had to go to the bathroom, you should have gone before we left the house.

Mona: I didn't have to go before we left the house! (Tony groans)

Sam: I’m bored.

Ang: ooh I know, why don't we sing camp songs. (family groans) Come on, it'll be fun! Oh, you remember this one? (Angela belts it out) "KUMBA YA MY LORD KUMBA YA KUMBA YA MY LORD KUMBA YA." (family stares at her, not about to join in) What??

Tony: What, are you kidding me? If we're going to sing songs, let's sing a good one! (Tony sings) And there was Lonnie, swinging on the outhouse door, without her nightie."

(forward to the picnic sight where the family is still singing Tony’s song)

Everyone: “…all the guys are asking for more!”

Tony: “And there was Mona…”

Everyone: “swinging on the outhouse door…”

Tony: “…in living color…”

Everyone: “…all the guys were asking for more…”

Mona: “…and can you blame ‘em…”

Everyone: “…all the guys were asking for more.”

(song over, they clap)

Ang: You sure didn't learn that song at camp.

Tony: The heck I didn't. And if you'd have sent Jonathan to my camp, he'd be having a blast.

Sam: (surprised) Dad, you went to camp?

Tony: Yeah, I sold the most subscriptions to Popular Mechanics. I had a great pitch. (launching into the pitch) I used to say, ay, my name is Tony Micelli. Would you like to buy a magazine from me and send me to camp, or would you rather I spend the summer on the streets…with my buddies…near your car!

(family laughs)

Ang: Where’d you go?

Tony: I went to a Y camp right up near Jonathan’s!

Ang: I went to Jonathan’s camp when I was a kid. There was a Y camp right across the lake. When were you there?

Tony: I don’t know, ’64, ’65?

Ang: I’m sure I was there then, wasn’t I Mother?

Mona: You went there from ’63 to ’66. (pensive) The greatest summers of my life. (Angela scowls)

Tony: Wait wait wait a minute, wait a minute. I think I remember that place. That was Camp stuck up wasn’t it? All the girls had their noses in the air!

Ang: Yeah! That was me! (runs over to Tony) And you were one of those rowdies who used to steal our underwear and run it up the flagpole, huh.

Tony: Ah, we always saluted!

Mona: This is incredible! Angela, maybe you two knew each other.

Tony & Ang together: No!

Tony: Because those girls wouldn’t give us the time of day, Mona.

Ang: Ahh, that’s not exactly true. I mean, even though those boys were from the wrong side of the lake there was something illicit and intriguing about them. Sometimes we used to…you, you know.

Tony: Oh you mean the…yeah. (Angela agrees, bashful)

Sam: What? What, what, what, what??

Ang: I-I had my first grown-up kiss with one of those boys.

Sam: Ohh, that sounds so romantic and old-fashioned…So Sandra Dee! Tell us about it Angela.

Ang: Well, all right. It was just one small insignificant moment in my life. No one really wants to hear.

Mona: You’re probably right dear.

Ang: (indignant) Thank you Mother!

Tony: No, no, no, no, I want to hear about this prim camper by day, teenage temptress by night!

Ang: Well, it was sweet. And it was wonderful and it was magical. You see there was this place and it was right by the lake and it was called Kissing Rock…

Sam: Oooh!

Ang: …and if a girl met a boy that she liked, she slipped away from camp. And that’s what I did, one moon-drenched night.

(scene fades to Angela’s memory. Young Angela is tall and lanky, somewhat awkward)

Ang: I hurried to my rendezvous. I glided across the forest…I felt at one with the creatures of the night! Finally the woods gave way to a clearing. And there he was, my knight in shining moccasins. And at that moment I knew, that I was a woman. My face was aglow with expectation!

Mona: Are you sure it wasn’t Clearasil?

(scene flips back to present time at the picnic sight)

Ang: Mother! Come on! That was a beautiful moment. Really, I mean, two kids with stars in their eyes, sharing a stolen moment of tenderness…

Sam: Oh wow…(to Tony) Did you do stuff like that Dad?

Tony: (looking at Angela like she’s silly) Well, you know, not exactly like that. I mean, first of all, we called it Make-out Rock. And that’s exactly what I did with a girl from your camp! All right! (gets up and does a little victory dance)

Ang: I don’t believe it! You are going to compare my moment of romantic awakening with your night of cheap thrills.

Mona: I hope so!

Tony: Oh oh ay ay oh, who said anything about cheap thrills? She was the greatest. I’ll never forget her.

Sam: What was her name?

Tony: I forget. But I’m telling you something, if there was a kissing decathlon, she’d have won all ten events. This girl had an extra set of lips.

Ang: And they say poetry is dead.

Tony: I remember it was a hit summer night, and I do mean hot…

(scene fades to Tony’s memory. Young Tony is wearing a white muscle t-shirt, combing his hair, trying to look cool)

Tony: But I was cool. There was something in the air, you could almost smell it (young Tony sniffs under his arms). Then I came to the clearing and there she was. She was kind of tall and clumsy, but there was something about her…

Mona: Yeah, she was a girl.

(scene flips back to present time at the picnic sight. Angela and Sam are laughing at Tony)

Ang: (to Mona about her joke) That’s great!

Tony: Hardy, har, har.

Sam: Wait a minute, I may be way off on this one, but you gotta admit, the stories do sound alike! I mean, the moon, and the rock, and the… (Sam makes kissing noises)

Tony: What are you saying? Come on!

Mona: Oh, no, maybe she’s got something there, don’t you see! This is kismet! Fate! Destiny that took two kids that kissed twenty years ago and reunited them. (Tony & Angela look around embarrassed & groan) Out of all the housekeepers and all the employers in the world, some great force brought you two together!

Tony: Mona, it was you who introduced us.

Mona: See what I mean?

Ang: Well I know for a fact it wasn’t you, because I, unlike some people I know, remember the name of the first person I ever kissed and his name wasn’t Tony, it was Anthony.

(Tony and Angela realize what she just said, as do Sam and Mona)

Scene three: Jonathan’s camp. A deer is grazing in the meadow. Jonathan is on the bunk, lying down talking to the camp psychologist.

Mr. W: You can open up with me Jonathan, I’m the camp psychologist. Why do you think you’re homesick?

Jon: I guess it’s because I miss home.

Mr. W: Ahh! What I think you must be experiencing is a classic case of separation anxiety...often found in families who are torn apart by war…people who are forced to relocate…or disoriented white rats!

(enter a team of other campers, very loud)

Mr. W: What is all this ruckus? Can’t you see there is psychology going on here!

Boy 1: We’re just going down to the lake for a swim! (to Jonathan) You wanna come, Bower?

Jon: Well, I don’t know.

Boy 2: That’s right. We forgot about the nut cake here.

Mr. W: Don’t make fun! There’s a time bomb ticking in every one of your little psyches! Who knows when it might go off!

(other campers exit)

Mr. W: Jonathan, don’t pay any attention to those…kids…just remember, I’m ok, you’re ok. Everyone else is toe jam!

(campers run past Angela, Tony, Mona & Sam who are arriving at camp. Angela and Sam are holding hands)

Mona: Don’t take any prisoners!

Tony: Ay Angela, this place is terrific.

Ang: Yeah, it sure brings back lots of memories…oh down there, that’s the mess hall, and then way over there is the nature cabin, and then way down over there, that’s where we used to sit and sing songs around the old campfire. (Tony looks and laughs)…Oh no!

Tony: Yeah, it looks like you’re singing around the old satellite dish now!

Mona: Does the old flagpole look familiar, Anthony? (Mona salutes)

Ang: Mother, will you stop calling him that? It wasn’t him!

Tony: Yeah, besides Mona, it was a Y camp. Everybody’s named Anthony.

(they walk to Jonathan’s cabin)

Ang: Knock, knock! Sweetheart are you there?

(inside the cabin)

Jon: Hey, it’s my Mom!

Mr. W: Son when you’re homesick, everyone begins to sound like your mom.

(Angela, Tony, Mona & Sam enter the cabin)

Ang: Sweetheart, my baby! Are you all right?

Jon: Mom, do I have to stay here?

Ang: Of course not, darling, we’ll take you home first thing in the morning!

Jon: Can I sit in the front seat?

Ang: Of course you can!

Jon: Can I be in charge of the radio?

Ang: You can listen to any station you want. (Jonathan hugs Angela)

Mr. W: Is she always this indulgent?

Mona: Are you always this nosy?

Mr. W: Yes! I’m Bobby Wermser…Camp Psychologist!

Tony: Ahh, a camp with a shrink. Very good Angela.

Sam: (to Jon) What do you do around here for fun?

Jon: (to Angela) Well, mostly we analyze my dreams.

Mona: That’s no good! Look, this is camp, why don’t we do camp things like hiking, or riding horseback, or looking for knotholes in the boy’s shower!

Sam: Sounds good to me! (runs to the door, but is blocked by Tony) I mean the horseback riding! (turns to Jon) You do have horses here don’t you Jonathan?

Jon: I don’t know, smells like it.

Ang: Sweetheart, why don’t you go ahead…

Jon: OK.

Ang: …I want to talk to Mr. Wormser.

Mr. W: Ohh, you can call me Dr. Bob.

Ang: Great.

Mr. W: Maybe your husband should stay here as well.

Tony: No, I’m not her husband, I’m her housekeeper.

Mona: And childhood sweetheart!

Ang: Happy trails Mother.

Mona: Come on buckaroos, let’s mosey.

Sam: Bye Dad.

Tony: See you later.

(Mona, Sam and Jonathan exit the cabin)

Ang: Uhm, Mr. Wormser…Dr. Bob…maybe you can help us out here. Why is my son so homesick?

Mr. W: Well, I think that he…misses home. (Tony & Angela look at each other). Well, I’ve got to go. I’ve got arts & crafts.

Tony: Angela, I learned something very important today. Never trust a shrink in a raccoon hat!

Ang: Well, maybe he’s just not ready for camp. Maybe we’ll just…send Jonathan next year.

Tony: Hey, maybe you should try a new camp next year. Why don’t you send him to that Y camp I went to! I had a great time.

Ang: You mean that camp where the boys don’t remember the names of the girls they kissed?

Tony: Ah, come on Angela, why are you still bugged by this?

Ang: I’m not bugged by this. I would just like to know, I mean I already know, I would like to be sure who it was and who it wasn’t.

Tony: Well, there’s only one way to find out. Let’s go up to Make-out Rock.

Ang: Kissing Rock. What good is that going to do?

Tony: Well, after I kissed her, not you, I carved her name, not yours, into the rock.

Ang: You did?

Tony: Yeah, yeah.

Ang: How very sweet!

Tony: Ah you know.

Ang: For her, (mimicking Tony) not me.

Scene Three: Sam & Jonathan horseback riding, having come to a clearing.

Sam: Jonathan, I do not believe you want to leave this place tomorrow.

Jon: Well Sam, it’s only fun when you’re here!

Sam: Well when you got it, you got it!

Jon: Where’s grandma?

Sam: Oh, she was right behind us, don’t worry, let’s go. (they ride off)

Mona: Giddy up, tally ho! Hi ho Bullet, away! (to the horse) Come on, move, or you’re glue! OK...OK… (horse starts moving backwards). I’m in reverse! I’m in reverse! Oh my gosh, I’m in reverse!

Scene Four: Tony & Angela are tromping through the woods on the way to Kissing Rock. They seem lost. The wind is blowing really hard.

Tony: Oh boy, Angela it’s getting dark…and there’s a storm coming up. Maybe we should just forget about it.

Ang: Oh wait a minute, oh, oh, that tree up there looks familiar.

Tony: It’s a pine tree. Pine trees are common in a pine forest. Look, look, I know how to find this place, ok? Which way do you think it is?

Ang: That way (pointing left)

Tony: OK, good, we’ll go this way (pulling her right), come on.

Ang: There it is Tony! It’s the rock!

Tony: Angela, are you sure you want to go through with this?

Ang: Well, we both know it wasn’t us, right?

Tony: Right…but what if it was?

Ang: Well, then that just means that we kissed each other…twice…once when we were kids and once when we were tipsy and you kissed me in the kitchen.

Tony: Angela, we were blasted and you kissed me.

Ang: (embarrassed) Whatever!

Tony: Hey Angela, one thing though…no matter what’s written on this rock, Mona’s stuff about fate and kismet, that’s way out of line, right, way off base, right?

Ang: Way off base.

Tony: Let’s look. (they start searching the rock) Mary Lou…Mary Lou…Mary Lou…geeze she was a busy little bee. (Angela laughs) Angela, I found it, I found it. (Angela rushes over) Anthony…and…Ingrid.

Ang: Ingrid!?! Ingrid?

Tony: Well, wasn’t us. You see Angela, there’s no unseen force pushing us together.

(lightening strikes and Angela jumps into Tony’s arms. He quickly lets her go)

Scene Five: Mona is telling ghost stories to Sam and all the boys in the cabin.

Mona: It was a night just like this. The wind was howling like a dying cat. The rain pounded relentlessly against the window. The report from the nearby mental institution said that the Infamous Camper Killer had escaped. This lunatic would bludgeon anybody whose name was sewn into their underwear. (All the boys look to see if their name is there).

(Mr. Wermser is struggling by the window with a flashlight. It’s pouring down rain. He signals to open the window)

Jon: Oh look! It’s a lunatic!

Mona: You’re right! (Mona goes to the window)

Mr. W: I came to tell you that it’s raining!

Mona: Oh, thank you. (closes the window)

Mr. W: No, there’s more! (Mona opens the window) The camp road is flooded and nobody can get in or out. You boys will have to double up. And you two ladies will have to spend the night here! Well, I’m off! I must warn the others!

Mona: Sleep well, America! Dr. Bob rides again.

Sam: Hey Mona, what about Dad and Angela?

Mona: Oh, don’t worry. Your Dad knows enough to come in out of the rain. And he can help Angela.

Jon: But Grandma, how am I going to get home?

Mona: (hugging Jonathan) Don’t you worry honey, my goodness, it’s not going to rain forever.

Boy 1: Yeah Bower, and if it does, we’ll build you an ark.

Boy 2: (to Sam) You heard what that Wormie said. We’ve got to double up. I guess it’s you and me.

Sam: You, me, and your two broken arms.

Scene Six: Tony and Angela arrive, soaking wet, at a nearby motel. The motel attendant is a tall ghostly looking man. They enter a rather stark motel room with two twin beds.

Attendant: Well, here it is. The Presidential suite.

Ang: This is the Presidential suite?

Attendant: Well, Teddy Roosevelt liked it. Sometimes on nights like this, he still comes around.

Tony: Well, bully for him. Listen, we’re soaking wet here. I’ll take this one. You got something a little nicer for the lady?

Attendant: This is the nicest room we got! This is the only room we got.

Ang: Maybe we should just try to wade back to camp.

Attendant: Did you ever get hit by lightening? I did! But you might not like it.

Tony: Look, Angela, we’re stuck here, ok.

Attendant: Well, sleep tight. Don’t let the bedbugs bite! (leaves, laughing eerily)

(Tony pulls back the covers on the bed, checking for bugs)

Tony: Bed bugs!

Ang: Tony, look, this won’t work. We can’t stay in the same room alone together.

Tony: Why not? What’s the big deal? There’s two beds. We’re adults. We sleep under the same roof at home.

Ang: It’s not the same.

Tony: What do you mean it’s not the same? It is too, it’s me and you here. It’s not like I’m holed up in a small motel in a thunderstorm with…Ingrid. I mean, ay, if I was with Ingrid there might me trouble. Yo, Ing. Come here baby.

Ang: Tony. I’m Ingrid.

Tony: You’re Ingrid?

Ang: Yeah.

Tony: What do you mean, you’re Ingrid?

Ang: Well, I know, (laughing) I know it sounds silly now…but…I was a little nervous that night…it was my first kiss, and well, I didn’t want the boy, well, you, to kiss and tell, so I said my name was Ingrid.

Tony: Why Ingrid?

Ang: I’d just seen Casablanca three times. I remember the night so clearly.

(scene fades to Angela’s memory. Young Angela and Young Tony are there at the Rock)

Ang: The whole world was quiet. Except for the sound of crickets. And then suddenly we were moving toward each other. And then, I looked into his eyes…

Tony: …and then we kissed.

(Young Tony and Angela kiss, then the scene fades back to present day Tony & Angela soaking wet in the motel)

Tony: It was you!

Ang: It was us.

--To be continued.