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22. First Kiss [ - ]
by jathlon
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Transcript from the broadcast version of First Kiss.
Script originally submitted by Angel_15 with revisions from jathlon.

Who's The Boss?
Episode #22 - First Kiss

Originally aired: 16 April 1985.

Main Cast:

Tony Micelli: Tony Danza
Angela Bower: Judith Light
Samantha Micelli: Alyssa Milano
Jonathan Bower: Danny Pintauro
Mona Robinson: Katherine Helmond


Producer: Bud Wiser
Executive Producers: Martin Cohan and Blake Hunter
Created By: Blake Hunter and Martin Cohan
Teleplay by: Robert Sternin, & Prudence Fraser and Ellen Guylas
Story by: Bud Wiser
Directed by: Assad Kelada

Act One:

Tony is dusting the railing on the stairs. He sprays the dusting spray on the cloth, puts the cloth on the railing, sits on it, and slides down. Doorbell rings. Tony opens it to find Wendy Wittner standing there.

TONY: Oh hi Ms. Wittner!

WENDY: Hi Tony. Is Angela home?

TONY: Yeah, yeah, come on in. Let me. get her for you on the intercom.

Ms. Wittner enters. Tony cups his hands over his mouth.

TONY: Yo Angela! (Wendy jumps in suprise) Ms. Wittner is here! (To Wendy) She'll be right down.

WENDY: Thanks.

Tony exits. Angela enters from the study.

ANGELA: Wendy! Oh sweetie, how are you?

They hug.

WENDY: I'm good, how are you?

ANGELA: Good, good. What's up?

WENDY: Isabelle and I are going to Taco Loco tonight for dinner. You wanna join us?

ANGELA: Taco Loco. So thats where it is.

WENDY: What?

ANGELA: Every year my mother throws me a surprise birthday party, and you know, and I know, and now you know I know. So what do you have to say about that?

WENDY: Oh its your birthday. I'm so sorry, I forgot.

ANGELA: (Laughing) Weak, Wendy, Weak.

WENDY: Well, if there was a party I wasn't invited and if it turns out you weren't either, you'll know where to find us. I will be with the mariachi singing, "Lady of Spain."

ANGELA: (Laughing) Oh Wendy you slay me.

Wendy exits out the front door.

ANGELA: (Still laughing) Oh thats so great.

Mona enters carrying two dressy outfits.

MONA: Angela?

ANGELA: Uh huh!

MONA: Angela! I need your help.


MONA: Which of these do you like? I've got a date tonight.

ANGELA: Oh right a date. And where are you going?

MONA: To the Oingo Boingo concert.

ANGELA: Oingo Boingo huh? And I suppose the kids REALLY are going to be spending the night in Brooklyn?

MONA: Yeah!

ANGELA: With Ms. Rossini?

MONA: Yeah. (Angela is still laughing) Angela, what is the matter with you?

Samantha and Jonathan enter from upstairs, carrying suitcases.

JONATHAN: Mom! Me and Samantha are all packed.

ANGELA: Suitcases! Thats a very nice touch. And I suppose Ms. Rossini is going to be here any minute to pick you up?

SAM: Thats the plan. Were gonna go outside and flag her down. Grass and trees confuse her.

Samantha and Jonathan exit, Tony enters dressed nicely carrying a basketball and a gym bag.

TONY: I'm off to the Y. I'm goin' to shoot some hoops!

ANGELA: Tony, you're going to play basketball dressed like that?

TONY: No Angela, when I get to the gym I'm going to change into sweats.

ANGELA: Likely story. What's in the bag?

TONY: Sweats. And there's AIR in the ball.

Angela laughing.

TONY: You'd better keep an eye on her, Mona.

Tony bounces ball and lets it go up his sweater.

TONY: Ooo! Hey, did you like that?

Goes to open door, Ms. Rossini, Samantha, and Jonathan enter.

TONY: Hey!

SAM: Look what I found!

TONY: Mrs. Rossini!

MRS R: Tony!

They hug. Mrs. Rossini looks at basketball sticking out of Tony's shirt.

MRS R: Don't tell me. She's so liberated, she got ya pregnant. Angela!!

ANGELA: (Shocked) Mrs. Rossini. What are you doing here?

MRS R: Taking the kids for the night. Remember? (Angela still clueless, Mrs. Rossini takes her hand) We talked about it on the phone. (Turns to Tony.) And she runs an advertising agency. C'mon kids. We gotta go.

SAM: Don't you wanna see my room?

MRS R: Can I see it tomorrow Samantha? Joey's gotta get the fish truck back by 6 o'clock.

Mrs. Rossini leads kids out the door.

JON: Bye mom!

TONY: Yeah, I gotta go too. Bye, bye Angela.

JON: Bye Grandma!

TONY: Hey Mona, keep an eye on her.

Mrs. Rossini, Samantha, Jonathan, and Tony exit.

ANGELA: (Bewildered) They really are going. She really did drive to Connecticut. (Angela opens front door and leans outside. Sniffs the air. ) There really is a fish truck. (Looking dejected.) There really isn't a party.

Fade to next.

Act Two: Scene One

Tony and Jeff are at the Y; Tony is bouncing a basketball as they are apparently exiting.

TONY: Hey Jeff! (Tony tosses ball at Jeff, catching Jeff off-guard) Ooh good hands, good hands. No wonder we buried you today!

JEFF: Yea! Well next week Micelli, we go one on one! But I gotta warn you. I played varsity at Amherst!

TONY: Whoo, ooo. Amherst. Ooo! How many other girls were on the team?

(Policeman enters)

OFFICER: Excuse me gentlemen.

JEFF: Dum de dum dum.

OFFICER: We need a couple of guys to do some drinking for us. How bout it?

TONY: Don't say a word, Jeff, I think this is entrapment.

OFFICER: No. Were demonstrating to the local teens the effects of drinking on driving. Now we're going to be using a simulator and we need a couple of over twenty-one volunteers.

TONY: Oh yeah? (To Jeff) You got your ID? (To Officer) Hey listen, I'd like to help you officer, but you know, I wouldn't be any good. I don't get drunk to easy. I'm from Brooklyn! But if you're serving Pink Ladies, why don't you try him. He's from Amherst.

JEFF: I could drink you under the table with my jaw wired shut!

TONY: You could drink me under the table? Well let me tell you something! If I didn't have to drive home, I'd make you drink your words!

Tony and Jeff go back and forth for a few moments about Tony's pun.

OFFICER: Hey, hey, hey! How about both of you do it! We'll arrange for your transportation home!

TONY: Oh yeah! How much are the drinks?

OFFICER: Why, they're on the state of Connecticut.

TONY: (Joking) Does the governor know about this?

Cut to next.

Act Two: Scene Two

Bower house. Voices heard outside front door.

ISABELLE: Angela! For crying out loud, give me the key!

Angela, Wendy, and Isabelle enter a dark house. Angela and Wendy are obviously drunk.

WENDY: Shh, shh, shh! This might be Angela's surprise party. (Wendy turns on light. Living room remains motionless) Surprise! No party!

Wendy bursts into laughter.

ANGELA: Wendy! It's not nice to make fun of me!

They enter into living room.

WENDY: Sorry. Isabelle, are you going to have a drink now, or are you going to be a drag ALL night?

ISABELLE: Wendy, I'm not a drag, I'm a doctor and I'm on call. I have to be sober and alert in case of an emergency. (Wendy dances around living room, Isabelle continues) Like driving the two of you home from a Mexican restaurant.

ANGELA: You know this is my thirty-mm birthday and nobody did anything.

ISABELLE: What do you mean? I think the waiters at Taco Loco went all out.

WENDY: (Giggling) I thought the candles in the re-fried beans was a nice touch.

ANGELA: Yeah. Who cares if your family forgets your birthday? As long as Peppy remembers!

All three burst into laughter.

Cut to next.

Act Two: Scene Three

Back at the Y. Tony and a few young men are watching Jeff walk a straight line.

TONY: Don't look down, Jeff, don't look down!

OFFICER: Jeff has had four drinks. Which means that his blood alcohol content is point oh nine percent! Technically he's still legal. (Jeff falls over) But as you can see, his motor skills are calling it quits.

TONY: Hey! Nobody should drink and drive, but this guy shouldn't even drink and walk.


TONY: Me? I thought you'd never ask!

Tony jumps up and starts almost dancing back and forth on the straight line. Acting cocky.

OFFICER: Now after five drinks, Tony's blood alcohol level is point one two percent. Legally drunk in all fifty states. At these levels, personality and behavior changes can occur. Inhibitions are lowered. Person becomes over confident, even cocky.

JEFF: Nah, he's always like that!

TONY: Oh yeah? You thinks that's good! Watch this!

Tony jumps and does a split. Walks back to his chair and when he goes to sit down, he misses the chair.

Cut to next.

Act Two: Scene Four

Bower house. Isabelle, Angela, Wendy all laughing as they snack in the living room.

WENDY: You know who I think is really cute? The new tennis pro at the club.


WENDY: Yeah.

ISABELLE: I gave him an emergency appendectomy.

ANGELA: (Gasps) You've seen him naked?

ISABELLE: Angela, in my business, if you've seen one body, you've seen them all.

Wendy and Angela stare at her in amazement and disbelief.

ISABELLE: Although he does have a CUTE little tush. You know who else is cute?



ANGELA: (Gasps) Have you seen HIM naked?

ISABELLE: No. Have you?

ANGELA: Of course not!

WENDY: But you think he's cute don't you?

ANGELA: He's a fine person! (Isabelle and Wendy laughing) No, he's thoughtful and sensitive, and he's very good with Jonathan.

WENDY: He's very BUILT too.

ANGELA: Yes ... he has his share of muscles. He's ... solid. And responsible. Thats is, Tony is the most responsible man I have ever met.

Tony enters singing loudly in Italian.

TONY: Hey! Ladies! Six of them!

Angela gets up and motions for Tony to come to her.

ANGELA: Have you been drinking?

TONY: Like a fish. Hey, you know what happened to me? I went through three red lights, I went through one red barn, I got stalled on some railroad tracks, and then I got run over by a train! CHU CHU CHU CHU AAAAUUUGGGHHHH!

Tony laughing hysterically. Angela turns to Wendy and Isabelle.

ANGELA: I told you he was tough.

WENDY: Isabelle! Isabelle! Nows your chance. Make him take off all his clothes and examine him. I will be the nurse!!

Isabelle's pager beeps twice.

ISABELLE: Two beeps. Thats an emergency. Cmon, Wendy, I'll take you home.

WENDY: Oooohhh. Just when it was getting good.

ISABELLE: Angela, Happy Birthday.

Isabelle kisses Angela on the cheek.

ANGELA: Oooh. Thank you.

TONY: Good night ladies!

ANGELA: Good night.

WENDY: (As she exits the front door and passes Tony she stops and in a loud stage whisper.) CUTE!

ANGELA: Stop it!

WENDY: Happy Birthday!

Isabelle and Wendy exit. Tony shuts the door and turns to Angela.

TONY: Did she say Happy Birthday?

ANGELA: Mm-hmm.

TONY: Oh, Angela, I forgot your birthday.

ANGELA: Mm-hmm.

TONY: Oh, how could I have done that?


TONY: Oh, you must feel awful. Come here.


(Tony goes to hug Angela, then stops)

TONY: Wait a minute. I didn't know it was your birthday because you didn't tell me it was your birthday!

ANGELA: I didn't?

TONY: No! I'll tell you what though Angela. I'm going to go out and get you a present right now. A present right now. I'm goin' to go to an After Hours Present store!

ANGELA: Ahh, yea! (Angela sits down on couch)

(Tony goes to exit, then stops)

TONY: I can't do that, I can't do that. Cause of drunk drivers. I can't drive. Uh uh! Did you know that seven percent of all the people on the road account for thirty-three percent of the serious fatalities. (Angela is looking at Tony, fascinated) That's right, you know! If you drive and drink (Tony stops and thinks) You stink!

(Tony sits down beside Angela)

ANGELA: (Laughs) Oh Tony! That's very good!

TONY: I made it up myself!

ANGELA: Very good. (They both just relax while sitting on the couch.)

ANGELA: Tony, you don't have to buy me a present. Nobody else did.

TONY: Yea, well I'm going to do something better than a present! (Jumps up and does a turn in the air) I'm going right into the kitchen right now and I'm going to bake you a cake!

ANGELA: (Stands up and half follows Tony) Oh no Tony, you don't have to do that! (Beat) Double fudge with walnuts?

TONY: You got it birthday girl. Cmon, cmon!

Tony and Angela exit to the kitchen.

Cut to next.

Act Three: Scene One

Bower house. Kitchen. Tony is mixing cake batter. Angela sitting on the counter, licking batter off her finger.

ANGELA: Oh Tony this is delicious! I told Wendy that you were a good cook.

TONY: You and Wendy were talking about me?

ANGELA: We were talking about a lot of things.

TONY: Yeah? What'd you say about me?

ANGELA: Well, I just told Wendy I was really glad that uh, I hired you.

TONY: Thats great Angela, cause I'm really glad you hired me too. This may surprise you, but when I was a kid I never thought I'd ever grow up to be a housekeeper.


TONY: Yeah, well anyway. This is the best job I ever had.

ANGELA: Thank you Tony.

TONY: You know, I never thought I'd find somebody who ... Jonathan's a great kid. And I have a new best friend ...in Mona. And I have a boss who, uh, who's of course, uh

ANGELA: Who's what?

TONY: She's okay.

ANGELA: You know, I just remembered what I told Wendy about you.

TONY: Oh yeah?

ANGELA: Yeah. I said you were.okay. (Angela hops down off counter, and grabs a handful of flour. Throws it at Tony) HA! Hahahaha!!

TONY: Angela, cut that out, you think thats funny?

ANGELA: Yeah I do!

Tony throws flour at Angela.

TONY: Flour! I sell flour!

Tony and Angela continue to fight with the flour, they're running around the table, with Tony trying to catch Angela. Tony grabs her and they end up nose to nose. They look at each other for a moment and then they KISS! Softly at first, then more passionately. Then, they pull away from each other. Angela walks toward a counter and leans on it.

TONY: Angela, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm really sorry.

ANGELA: I feel ...I feel faint.

TONY: (Getting overconfident) Yeah?

ANGELA: (Turning her head upside down, still leaning on counter) Tony?

TONY: Yeah?

ANGELA: Is that an upside down cake?


ANGELA: Then I'm in big trouble.

TONY: Oh Angela, hold on, you're just gonna have to lie down.

ANGELA: Right.

Angela collapses on kitchen floor.

TONY: Angela! Not there!

ANGELA: I like it here!

TONY: No, no. Up in your room!

ANGELA: I cant make it!

TONY: I'll help you, cmon. (Tony picks Angela up, cradling her) Oh! M-imomi-me!

Tony goes to open swinging kitchen door, but slams Angela into the door.

TONY: Oh Angela, I'm so sorry!

Tony changes his hold on Angela and drags her very inelegantly into the front room. As Tony nears the stairs,


TONY: Yea?

ANGELA: This isn't the way Rhett Butler did it.

TONY: All right, all right. Take it easy, take it easy. (Tony half stands Angela up and then picks her up fireman style)

ANGELA: (Hanging over Tony's shoulder) That's more like it.

Tony carries Angela upstairs.

Cut to next.

Act Three: Scene Two.

Angela's bedroom. Tony enters, carrying Angela over his shoulder. Tony goes to put Angela on her bed.

TONY: All right, all right. Now easy, easy, watch my head. (Tony lays Angela on her bed) All right, now, here, isn't that better?

ANGELA: Oh yes Tony, thank you.

TONY: All right.

Tony goes to Angela's dresser to get her nightgown.

ANGELA: Tony? Wendy was right. You are cute.

TONY: Ohh! Thank you Angela, you're cute too. Heres your nightgown.

ANGELA: (As Tony moves to doorway) Tony?

TONY: Yea?

ANGELA: (Very softly) Come here. (Beckons him over)

TONY: What?

Angela pats the spot beside her on the bed.

TONY: (Nervously) Over there? (Tony moves closer to the bed) Well, uh, what's the matter Angela?

Angela grabs Tony around the neck and pulls him down on top of her.

TONY: Wait, Angela, wait, wait, wait.

Tony grabs Angela's arms to get her to let go of him. Angela, stops, suddenly asleep.

TONY: (To himself) I'm gonna hate myself in the morning.

Tony covers Angela up, turns out the light, and leaves.

Cut to next.

Act Four: Scene One

Bower house, morning. Mona enters into the kitchen. Flour is everywhere and Angela's shoes are sticking out of the toaster.

MONA: (Looking around) Great day in the morning! (Yelling) Angela? Tony?

Mona sees Angela's shoes, grabs them, and suspects something happened the night before.

Cut to next.

Act Four: Scene Two

Angela's bedroom. Angela wakes up and holds her head.


MONA: (whispering) Angela? Are you all right?

ANGELA: Yes, mother, I'm fine only please don't shout.

MONA: (talking loudly) HA!!


MONA: (continuing to talk loudly) ANGELA! YOU HAVE A HANGOVER! WHEEEE!

ANGELA: Oh, its the worst; I'll never do that again.

MONA: Angela! What happened in the kitchen?

ANGELA: Uh, flour, I seem to remember doing something with flour.

MONA: Yeah?

ANGELA: Oh I know! I was in the kitchen baking a cake.

MONA: You? Baked a cake? That doesn't sound like you.

ANGELA: No, it doesn't does it? Wait a minute, wait a minute, let me think. Uh. Oooh. Now I remember, Tony came home; he'd been drinking at the Y.

MONA: Uh, you mean playing basketball?

ANGELA: No, I don't think so. Anyway. He felt so bad that he missed my birthday that we went into the kitchen to bake a kiss.

Angela begins to brush her hair.

MONA: A kiss?!

ANGELA: What? What are you talking about mother?

MONA: You said you and Tony baked a kiss!

ANGELA: No, I didn't mother. I said we went in the kitchen to bake a KISS. Oh my god mother! I kissed Tony in the kitchen!

MONA: Yeah?

ANGELA: Yeah what?

MONA: Yeah? What happened?

ANGELA: Well I'm not sure.

MONA: Angela, don't you hold out on me. I'll use force if I have to!

ANGELA: I'm not holding out on you, its just all so foggy.

MONA: What happened after you kissed Tony in the kitchen? (Mona hits Angela on the head) Think! Think! Think!

ANGELA: Oh Mother, Mother stop it! All I know is that my head hurts and my feet hurt and I kissed Tony in the kitchen and .. uh-oh.

MONA: Now Angela, I'm your Mummy!! You can tell me anything!

ANGELA: Well, Mummy. I remember rolling around on the bed ... Oh my god Mother, I slept with Tony!

MONA: Better than I thought!

Angela lays head down on her dresser, and Mona hugs her happily from behind.

Cut to next.

Act Five:

(Tony is in the kitchen cleaning. Angela enters)

ANGELA: Good morning Tony.

TONY: Good morning Angela. How ya feelin?

ANGELA: Lousy. As God as my witness, I will never go drinking again.

TONY: Yeah well, I got just the thing for ya. Something to make you just like a brand new woman. Tomato juice and Tabasco!

Tony runs to the refrigerator.

TONY: That was uh, ... some night last night huh?

ANGELA: Well, all evidence seems to point in that direction.

TONY: Yeah, well, maybe we should talk about it.

ANGELA: Well Tony, I don't really know what to say. It was all so surreal.

TONY: Does that mean you don't want to talk about it? You're right. It's was no big deal.

ANGELA: No big deal?

TONY: Yeah, I mean, it was nice and all that, but you know. (Shrugs)

ANGELA: Nice? Tony, nice is hardly the word I would use to describe having ... Well, you know.

TONY: No, I don't know. What?

ANGELA: Sex all right? We had sex!

TONY: We did? (Tony looks confused for a moment) No we didn't! Angela, I'm not that kind of guy. All we did was fool around a little bit in the kitchen.

ANGELA: I beg your pardon?

TONY: You know, we baked a cake, we threw a little flour, (Contritely) we had a little kiss. And then I took you up to your room.

ANGELA: Did you slam me into the door?

TONY: Now you're starting to figure it out, yeah that was me! Yeah, then I carried you upstairs and put you to bed.

ANGELA: Oh! So you're saying all that happened was you kissed me?

TONY: Thats it.

Angela obviously relieved.

TONY: Feel better?


TONY: Good. But just for the record, I didn't kiss you, YOU kissed ME.

ANGELA: I did not.

TONY: You did too.

ANGELA: I did not.

TONY: You did too.

ANGELA: I did n .. if I did, which is still in question, I didn't mean it.

TONY: Take it from me, you meant it.

ANGELA: Well, you seemed to like it.

TONY: How would you remember Miss Lost Weekend?

ANGELA: You didn't like it?

TONY: Oh, no, thats not what I meant!

ANGELA: Oh yeah, I knew you liked it, I remembered that.

Tony and Angela stand awkwardly for a moment.  Angela turns to sit at the kitchen table.

ANGELA: I uh guess I was pretty out of it last night.

TONY: Well, lets just say we uh, we both got a little carried away.

Tony and Angela sit at the kitchen table.

ANGELA: Tony, if, um, we both got so carried away, .. how come you ...

TONY: I left?

ANGELA: I guess you must have had an awful lot to drink.

TONY: Ah yea, yea, I did. But you know, carrying your body up the stairs sorta sobered me up!

ANGELA: I guess you had a pretty bad headache?

TONY: No, that came later. Oh what a beaut!

ANGELA: I guess I looked kinda bad?

TONY: Oh no you looked really (Changes his mind about what he's going to say) not bad, not bad.

ANGELA: I wasn't fishing or anything.

TONY: I know that! Hey, it's me here ... Its just that uh, I mean if anything ever did happen between us, I would wanna loose you, as a friend.

ANGELA: Oh, I wouldn't want to loose you either, as a friend.

TONY: And another thing, if ah, if we ever did , LOOSE each other as friends, I'd want you to remember it. And you would!

ANGELA: So would you

Cut to next.

Act Six:

Mrs. Rossini, Samantha, and Jonathan enter the living room through the front door.

JONATHAN: Mom? Tony? Were home!

Tony and Angela enter from the kitchen, running toward Samantha and Jonathan hugging them.

ANGELA: How was Brooklyn?

JONATHAN: It was great Mom!

SAM: Yeah, Dad, it was just like old times, we played stick ball and everything!

MRS. R: (To Angela) Jonathan told me it was your birthday, so I brought you a little present. (Mrs. Rossini hands Angela a large container of alcohol) Here, drink, enjoy.

ANGELA: Thank you, Mrs. Rossini.

TONY: Angela, maybe I should lock this up?

ANGELA: Hide the key.

Tony exits.

SAM: Cmon Mrs. Rossini, I wanna show you my room.

Mrs. Rossini, Samantha and Jonathan exit. Mona enters.



MONA: Are the kids back? I thought I smelled the fish truck.

ANGELA: Yes, they're upstairs.

MONA: And how are the lovebirds this morning?

ANGELA: Mother, let me explain something to you, it seems I had a slight memory lapse and I filled in the wrong blanks. Now, Tony explained the whole thing, nothing happened.

MONA: (Looking sceptical) And you believed him??

Angela begins to look doubtful. Tony enters singing from the kitchen.

TONY: For all the girls I've loved before.

Angela and Mona turn to look at him.

TONY: What? It was just an imitation. I was just ...

Freeze frame.

Additional Credits.

Associate Producer: Tracey Ormandy
Executive Story Editors: Robert Sternin and Prudence Fraser
Executive Story Editor: Ellen Guylas
Mrs. Rossini: Rhoda Gemignani
Wendy Wittner: Dori Brenner.
Dr. Isabel Schaeffer: Fern Fitzgerald
Jeff: (SGS)Jeff Conaway
Officer: Hugh Gillin