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17. Eye on Angela [ - ]
by folle
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Transcript from the broadcast version of Eye on Angela.

Who's The Boss?
Episode #17 - Eye on Angela

Scene 1 - The Bower House Living Room. Mona is humming to herself, sitting in a chair by the fireplace with her feet propped up higher than her head. She looks like a teenager. Mona stands up and speaks to Jonathan and Samantha who are sitting on the couch. Jonathan is working on a school project.

Mona: Well, you’re doing a great job with that map honey.

Sam: What’s it made of?

Jon: Flour, water and garlic

Tony: Yeah! And garlic and a pinch of oregano. (Laughter from the audience) It’s a map of Italy!

(Angela enters wearing a blue dress and a white fur coat, obviously excited)

Ang: Hi extended family! Guess what?

Mona: What?

(Jonathan holds up his map of Italy)

Ang: Ooh honey, what a nice boot!..I am going to be on television.

Tony: When?

Sam and Jon: Wow!

Mona: You’re kidding!

Ang: No! Eye on Hartford wants to do a story on me. You know, busy career woman, still has time for home and family…

Jon: But Mom! It’s not a…

Ang: Not now sweetheart, I’m talking.

Mona: (to Jon) Maybe you should call Mommy’s appointment secretary.

Ang: I’m sorry honey, what did you want to show me.

Jon: See, it’s a map of Italy.

Ang: Well, yes indeed it is. And it looks very authentic. (Makes a face) Even smells authentic. (Pushes the map away)

Tony: (smiling) Oregano

Ang: Was there something else you wanted to show me?

Jon: Nope. You can talk about yourself now. (Audience laughs)

Ang: Thank you! Where was I?

Tony: Eye on Hartford! I love that lady that does that show. Bobbi Barnes.

Ang: Well, she does these wonderful interviews with witty fascinating people.

Mona: Oh, is she not doing that anymore? (audience laughs)

(Angela looks peeved)

Tony: Hey ay ay I’m telling you, it’s a great show. And each segment takes 12 minutes. I can time my muffins by them!

Ang: They sent a film crew over to the office this afternoon and while they were there, I approved the storyboard for Alfalfapuffs, I dealt with a personnel crisis between two vice presidents, and then I fielded phone call after phone call and sometimes even two at once.

Mona: My God, they can show THAT on television?!

Ang: Keep it up, Mother, I won’t let you stay tonight when Bobbi Barnes comes over.

Tony: Ay oh wo wo wo ay oh wait a minute. Bobbi Barnes is coming here, tonight?

Ang: Ummhmm, she’s coming over to set up for tomorrow and meet my family and check out my home.

Tony: Angela, I’m your housekeeper. I think I should have received prior notice of her arrival. Aww gee.

Ang: Well don’t worry, the house looks fine.

Tony: Well, I know that I was just wondering, maybe I should get a haircut.

Scene 2

Still in the living room, but Angela has changed into a brown silk blouse and pant. Doorbell rings.

Ang: (frantic) There she is! Everybody act natural! Ok?

Tony: (with a debonair look, sitting cross-legged in a the chair to the right of the sofa) How’s this?

Mona: Compared to what? (audience laughs)

(Angela answers the door. There stands Bobbi Barnes, played by Betty White)

Ang: Ms. Barnes, please come in.

Bob: I’m looking for Angela Bower. (Audience claps)

Ang: I-I-I’m Angela Bower. Remember, we spent 5 hours together in my office today? Alfalfapuffs, corporate decisions?

Bob: (unimpressed) Oh right, you look so different without a phone in your ear. You have a beautiful home, is it paid for?? (Angela looks stunned). You can get back to me on that one. (Shifts attention to Tony) And I suppose this is your husband?

Tony: Hi Miss Barnes

Angela: I-Ah-Ah

Bob: Would you like to get back to me on that one too?

Tony: Oh no, Miss Barnes, I’m Tony Micelli, I’m the housekeeper here.

Bob: (laughing with a sexy gleam in her eye) Oh, of course you are. And I’m Geraldo Rivera.

Ang: Uh-Uh, Ms. Barnes, I’d like to introduce you to the rest of the family. Bobbi Barnes, this is my son Jonathan.

Bob: (leaning down speaking in a kid voice) Well, Jonathan! How do you feel about your Mommy being on Eye on Hartford?

Jon: Grandma says it’s just a local show. (Tony, grumbling, grabs Jonathan and pulls his away from a growling Bobbi)

Mona: But a very good one! Hi, I’m Mona Robinson,

Ang: Yes, this is my Mother.

Bob: Well, we all have to be something.

Mona: (smiling sweetly) My goodness, you look different on television. I guess those bright lights really do wash the wrinkles out.

Ang: (nervous) Next! Next, we have my housekeeper’s daughter, Samantha Micelli.

Tony: My daughter.

Bob: (walking over to Sam who is on the couch) Why, Samantha, My goodness, this must be a special occasion for you…getting to sit in the living room with the rest of the family!

Sam: (confused) Huh?

Mona: Yes, if she eats all her gruel we let her sit on the couch for 10 minutes.

Tony: Yeah yeah, hey Miss Barnes…

Bob: (obviously taken with Tony’s manliness) Oh, please, call me Bobbi.

Tony: Yeah? OK, Bobbi, I want you to know I catch your show every day on my kitchen TV. Ay, you know, I pass the time while my dough’s rising.

Bob: (turned on) Oohhh!

Ang: Ms. Barnes, (pushing Tony out of the way) don’t you have any questions you’d like to ask me?

Bob: As a matter of fact, I have. Where did you find this housekeeper?

Jon: Mom, do we have to stay here for this?

Ang: No, sweetheart, you can go upstairs and watch some television.

Jon: Goodie!

Ang: (looking at Bobbi) Public television.

Jon: You said we could watch Nightmare Theater!

Ang: No, no darling.

Jon: But they’re playing Valley Ghouls!

Ang: That’s enough! Sweetheart.

Sam: Come on Jon, let’s go up and play Scrabble. (Looking at Angela) It’s an educational game.

Tony: She’s cute, huh, my daughter.

Bob: Now that the kids are gone, who cares who found him, who gets him now??

(Tony, Angela and Mona look offended)

Tony: Hey look Bobbi, around here I keep house, I don’t play it.

Bob: Oh, what a waste! (turning to Angela) Well, I suppose we should save some of this excitement for tomorrow. I’ll uh, I’ll be by in the morning with the crew and, we’ll, follow you as you start your dreary day.

(Mona throws Bobbi’s coat at her)

Bob: Would you spice it up a little tomorrow, Eleanor?

Angela: Angela.

Bob: I guess it’s too late to change it. (Walking out the door, past Tony, brushing against him) Ooohh!

Tony: (closing the door, says sarcastically) Ooohh!

Scene 3

The whole family is sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, engrossed in the horror show series Jonathan referred to earlier. It’s about a killing spree in a shopping mall.

Ang: Oh no! Don’t go through the Galleria!!

(Everyone screams and covers their eyes, except for Jonathan who is laughing)

Jon: This movie is stupid. You can’t cut someone’s soul with a credit card. I’m going to bed.

(Jonathan exits up the stairs)

Ang: Goodnight, sweetheart.

Mona: Goodnight.

(The rest of the family turn back to the show. More screams)

TV Announcer: And remember the rest of the ghouls may be dead. Or they may be moving to a shopping mall near YOU! (eerie laughter)

Tony: Holy mackerel. Man that was scarier than I thought. (to Sam, concerned) Sure you’re gonna be ok?

Sam: (all tough) Me? Afraid of ghouls? Come on, Dad, I had Sister Mary Theresa for Math.

Mona: Angela, Angela, I was thinking perhaps I should spend the night over here. It’s such a long way home.

Ang: Mother, your apartment is across the driveway.

Tony: Listen Angela, if she’s scared, let her stay here.

Mona: No, no, I’m not scared, I just thought it would be nice to be here in the morning…when the TV people come.

Ang: I should have known. Of course you can stay.

Mon: I’ll just take the couch.

Tony: Oh no, you don’t have to do that, there’s a double bed in my room.

Mon: (mimicking Bobbi) Ooohhh!

Angela: Mother!!

Tony: I meant, I’ll take Jonathan in my room and she can have his.

Mon: Well, that’s not the best offer I’ve ever had. But of course, it’s not the worst either.

Ang: Mother, are you sure you’re really not scared?

Mona: No! I’m not scared. I just want to be here with my family (reaching out to hug Angela). Just in case a bat flies in the window and starts sucking blood from my neck (leans in like a vampire toward Angela, laughing).

Ang: (screaming) Oh! Mother!

Scene 4
Everyone is sleeping and the lights are dim. It is 2:15 a.m. according to the clock on Sam’s nightstand.

Sam: (in her sleep) No, no, don’t go through the Galleria! No! (Sam sits up in bed, awake).

Same gets out of bed and goes in Tony’s room.

Sam: (whispering) Dad! Dad, can I sleep in here? (sees Jonathan who is waking up). What are you doing in here?

Jon: I don’t know. Where am I? What’s the matter?

(Tony is snoring loudly)

Sam: Nothing. I had a nightmare. Jonathan, you look terrible! Get some sleep!

(Sam leaves, Tony is still snoring. Sam goes in Angela’s room next).

Sam: (whispering) Angela! Angela!

(no reaction from Angela)

Sam: (in full voice) Yo Angela!

Ang: (startled) What is it? What’s the matter?

Sam: I had a nightmare, can I sleep with you?

Ang: Oh, yeah, sure honey. (Scooting over) Come on.

Scene 5 Angela’s Bedroom
Angela wakes up with no covers and no pillows, obviously cold. Sam is rolled up in all the covers and has about 4 pillows.

Ang: Ss-ss, Samantha, honey, you wanna…I might as well go sleep in her room.

(Angela leaves her bedroom shivering and gets in Sam’s bed. Meanwhile in Tony’s room, Tony is snoring and Jonathan can’t get back to sleep. Jonathan tries putting a pillow over his head, but that doesn’t work).

Jon: (whispering) Tony! Tony!

Tony: (asleep) Watch out for the credit card!

(Jonathan shakes Tony)

Tony: What is it, what’s the matter?

Jon: Samantha had a nightmare. I think she wants you to sleep with her.

Tony: Oh yeah? (audience gets excited, realizing what’s coming) I’d Better go check on her.

Jon: Ok

Tony: You go ahead and get some sleep Jonathan.

Jon: Ok.

Tony: Oh (rubbing his head) I’ll go see how she is. (Runs into the door)

(Jonathan settles in with all the pillows, in the middle of the bed, very content. Tony enters Sam’s room, where Angela is asleep under the covers. Tony thinks Sam is in the bed)

Tony: Sam, Sam honey, it’s me. I’m here babe. It’s all right sweetheart.

(Tony gets in the bed with Angela)

Tony: It’s ok, it’s all right. (Tony starts snoring again).

Scene 6 Tony’s room, where Jonathan is sleeping.
The alarm clock goes off. It’s 6:45 a.m. Jonathan gets out of bed. The doorbell rings. Jonathan answers it. It is Bobbi with the film crew.

Bob: Is your Mom here? (audience groans)

Bob: Is your Mom here?

Jon: She’s upstairs.

Bob: Well, I guess we might as well go up and see how our career girl starts her day. (Bobbi, obviously thrilled to be there) Does she floss before or after brushing?

Camera Man: I can’t wait to find out.

Bob: Ted Koppel never had to put up with this.

(Meanwhile in Sam’s room, Angela’s arm is on Tony’s face. Tony reaches out and caresses her arm. He realizes subconsciously that it is Angela)

Ang: (sleepily) Good morning Tony.

Tony: Morning Angela.

(They realize what’s going on at the same time. Tony and Angela both sit up slowly in bed, staring at each other, Tony still holding Angela’s arm)

(Commercial break)

Ang: (grabbing the covers) What are you doing here?

Tony: Nothing, I swear!

(Tony grabs the covers back, pulling Angela face first onto the bed)

Tony: What are you doing here?

Ang: Samantha had a nightmare and and she crawled into bed with me and then she took all the covers and I didn’t want to wake her up and so I took her bed.

Tony: Well Jonathan told me Samantha had a nightmare so I came in here to comfort her.

Ang: Well she’s in my bed!

Tony: Well I didn’t know that! I mean, I came in here and there was just a lump underneath the covers.

Ang: (offended) Don’t you think that my lump is different than hers?

Tony: (embarrassed) I’m going to pass on that one. Come on Angela it was just an innocent mistake.

Ang: Yeah, (softening) it’ll be our little secret.

Tony: Madonna Mia, (mumbling) Ohh

Ang: ha ha (mumbling) I told you I just..

Tony: You know what, I tell you what, I’ll go downstairs and I’ll make you your favorite - Belgian waffles.

(Tony and Angela are out of bed and approaching the door to Sam’s room, where Bobbi and crew are in the hall)

Ang: Great, I just love…

(Tony opens the door for the two of them to head downstairs)

Ang: …when you put whipped cream on them.

(Tony and Angela are standing in their nightclothes in front of Bobbi and the cameramen).

Bob: Good morning!

Ang: (stammering) W-w-w-we’ll be right back.

Tony: Don’t go away!

Ang: Wh-What are we going to do??

Tony: Did you ever jump from a second story window before?

Ang: No! No! But it’s never too late to learn.

(Meanwhile, Mona enters the hall from Jonathan’s room)

Mona: What is going on here?

Bob: (into the camera) It’s early in the morning and we’re outside the bedroom of plucky career gal, Angela Bower, who just made an appearance with her housekeeper, the very attractive Tony Micelli.

Mona: (looking contented) Well, I’ll be darned.

(Tony and Angela enter the hall. Angela has put on one of Sam’s shirts over her nightgown. It is obviously too small)

Ang: Good morning Connecticut.

Bob: Ahh, here they are now. Well good morning Angela. You certainly look - chipper - would you like to tell us how you start your day?

Ang: You’re really going to laugh when you hear this.

Mona: You’d better hope so, dear.

(Audience laughs)

Ang: Well, when Tony crawled into bed with me, he thought he was getting into bed with somebody else.

Bob: So you did spend the night together. (Notices Tony’s tattoo, and touches him on the arm). Oh, what a nice tattoo.

Tony: Well, thank you. No no, in fact we all watched a scary movie together last night, and then her mother stayed over.

Bob: Oh, you though you were getting into bed with her mother. (Turns to the cameraman) This may be even too tacky for me. Nah. (Turns back to Angela) Well, Goldilocks, who’s been sleeping in your bed?

Ang: Look, Ms. Barns, you know, you march in here with your cameras, and you turn a harmless little family misunderstanding into something foul and unspeakable. I mean sure, we were in the same room. But even the Constitution guarantees - freedom of assembly. America has had enough of your yellow television. I think this interview is over. What do you have to say about that?

Bob: (turning toward the camera) My didn’t we get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Scene 7: Living room of the Bower house.
Tony is cleaning, Mona is on the sofa. Tony is mumbling in Italian. Angela enters wearing a stunning black suit, but looking like she’s going to a funeral.

Tony: Angela, did you get in touch with your lawyer?

Ang: I told him the whole ridiculous story. How nothing was happening and how she maliciously maligned us.

Tony: Yeah, and what did he say?

Ang: Get out of town. (Audience laughs) I might as well too. When the TV show airs, there’ll be a big scandal, I’ll be drummed out of the advertising business…

Tony: …Oh come on, I mean how bad could it be. How many people watch some little TV station from Connecticut?

Mona: Not more than two or three million.

Ang: Everyone will think I’m sleeping with my housekeeper.

Tony: Ay, you could do worse.

Mona: And has!

Ang: If my office calls, would you please tell them I’m on my way?

Tony: I guess the Belgian waffles are out, huh.

(Angela leaves, slamming the door)

Scene 7 Later that day at the Bower house.
Tony is sitting on the couch with Bobbi Barnes.

Tony: Miss Barnes, about this morning…

Bob: …you’re going to try and get me to not air that tape tonight, aren’t you.

Tony: Well I was hoping you’d see that…

Bob: …If you’re thinking of coming on to me, you can forget it, it won’t work.

Tony: Well, I-I wasn’t going to do that.

Bob: Ok, it, it might work!

(audience laughs)

Tony: Miss Barnes, you you can’t air that tape.

Bob: Tony, I am a journalist and people want to know the truth!

Tony: Well that’s just it! The truth is, nothing happened!

Bob: They don’t want to know that!

Tony: What about Angela though, what about her feelings? I mean she’s a nice person. This is going to ruin her career, doesn’t that mean anything to you?

Bob: (pensive, then shaking her head) Actually, not a heck of a lot.

(Bobbi stands up, Mona enters the living room from outside)

Mona: My, my, my, my, my. (Door slams) If it isn’t Brenda Starr. Have you two reached some sort of agreement?

Bob: (suggestively) We might have, if you hadn’t walked in!

Mona: Tony, I have a window that is stuck in my apartment. Could you open it for me?

Tony: Mona, it’s the middle of the winter.

Mona: Yes, but I thought if you started now, it’d be ready for spring.

Tony: Ah yeah, I get it. (louder) Yeah, I’ll go fix the window. So you can have a little chat. Should be better than mud wrestling. I’ll see ya.

Bob: Well, I’ll be going too.

Mon: (throws herself against the door, blocking it) Oh, must you? We have so much to talk about.

Bob: We do?

Mona: (Linking arms with Bobbi and walking toward the sofa) Yes, yes we do Bobbi. You see, I was just down at the station talking to the general manager. Handsome devil, huh? And you know, Bobbi, I just couldn’t help thinking that I’ve seen him somewhere before.

Bob: Mona, it’s no good. I have complete autonomy over the content of my show.

Mon: That’s exactly what he said.

Bob: Well then, I think that brings this conversation to a close. (Bobbi starts to get up)

Mona: OK, let’s talk about something else. How about Stowe Vermont??

(Bobbi, who had gotten near the door, turns around innocently, her curiosity peaked)

Mona: You see I just remembered where I had seen him. Stowe Vermont. Have you ever been there?

Bob: Get to the point Mona.

Mona: I think I’m there, Bobbi. And so were you. Isn’t that a coincidence? When was that, let me see, oh yes, that was way way back when you were a - weather bunny.

Bob: (defiantly) I was a meteorologist bunny!

Mona: Whatever. And also that was just about a month before you got your own show. Another coincidence. But of course, the general manager, your boss, was probably there with his little wife and two adorable children. I wonder if I should go back and ask him. What do you think?

Bob: I-I..

Mona: (mocking Bobbi’s questioning of Angela earlier in the episode) You want to get back to me on that one?

(audience laughs)

Scene 8 Bower living room
Later in the day, Tony and Mona are in front of the TV

Tony: Yo Angela, come on, it’s almost time for Eye on Hartford.

(Angela enters wearing a green velour sweat suit. Hair up in that infamous up-do)

Ang: Do I have to watch?

Mona: Come on, sit down! (Holding out a plate of cookies) Look here, the condemned woman ate a hearty cookie.

Ang: How can you be so calm?

Mona: Well, it’s not my disgusting personal life that’s about to hit the airwaves!

(audience laughs, Angela glares. Bobbi comes on the TV)

Bob: Hello and welcome to Eye on Hartford. Tonight we’ll be taking a closer look at some of the bizarre sexual habits of a well known Connecticut native.

Ang: Mother, hold my hand!

Bob: The praying mantis! Right after this message.

Ang: What happened, what happened, where’s my disgusting life?

Tony: Mona, what went on here today with Bobbi?

Ang: Bobbi was here today? What happened?

Mona: Angela, you just have to know how to talk to people, to be tactful and persuasive, and uhm, a little blackmail doesn’t hurt.

Tony: Mona, you’re terrific! You’re terrific! And so sneaky!

Ang: And you let us go through that, why didn’t you tell us?

Mona: What, and ruin all my fun?

Ang: (forgiving Mona) Well, I’m just glad they didn’t air it. Thank you Mother.

Mona: Oh Angela, you’re my daughter. Do you think I’m just going to sit by while someone makes your life miserable? That’s my job!

Ang: Oh mother! (they hug)

Scene 8 Tony and Angela are on the sofa watching the very end of Eye on Hartford

Bob: This is Bobbi Barnes, bidding a fond farewell to our friend the praying mantis. And all of Connecticut’s other kinky little critters. You know who you are!

Tony: See that Angela, She mentioned you after all!

(commercial break)

Ang: You know Tony we never really did talk about last night.

Tony: Aww well, come on Angela, I was half asleep. I walked into the room, you were all curled up underneath the covers there, you looked so cu- (he was going to say “cute” but cut himself off) curled up.

Ang: And I was completely under the covers.

Tony: Oh yeah, completely, completely. And anyway, when I got in, I stayed on my side of the bed.

Ang: How do you know that?

Tony: What do you mean?

Ang: How do you know you didn’t - roll over - or something.

Tony: I didn’t! That’s how I know, I - I and anyway how do you know you didn’t roll over or or something.

Ang: I didn’t!

Tony: Could we just drop this?

Ang: Of course!

Tony: Ay uhm…

Ang: What?

Tony: Nothing.

Ang: What??

Tony: Did you dream anything?

(audience laughs)

Ang: I don’t remember, I guess not. Did you?

Tony: Me? I don’t dream. I don’t dream.

(The episode ends with Angela and Tony both on the couch looking away from each other, and remembering their dreams, smiling)