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10. Requiem [ - ]
by folle
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Transcript from the broadcast version of Requiem.

Who's the Boss?
Episode #10 - Requiem

Scene One: Mona is on the couch in the Bower living room, typing. Angela is sitting with her. The house is decorated for the holidays.

ANG: Mother…

MONA: (rips the paper out of the machine and tears it up)

ANG: How’s the short story coming?

MONA: I can’t think of anything to write about!

ANG: Well, write about (beat) life! Or someone you know. Observe something Mother!

(Angela gets up and walks to the table behind the sofa)

MONA: (narrating as she types) The sexy, sultry blonde rose from the couch and slithered across the room.

ANG: (sarcastically) Is it too late to drop the course?

MONA: (still typing) Actually, she wasn’t all that sexy, she wasn’t that sultry. (Mona stops typing and looks straight at Angela, who has returned to the couch) And it was even doubtful she was a blonde.

(audience laughter)

ANG: Mother!!

(Tony enters through the front door, looking flustered, with shopping bags & a Christmas wreath)

TONY: Oh, oh, I know I’m late, I know I’m late. Bu, but I got all the errands done, and, and look, I even got a wreath.

ANG: That’s terrific, Tony, but where’s the…

TONY: Firewood? (rushes back to the door) Oh I got the firewood.

ANG: That’s great, but what about the…

TONY: Dinner, I got dinner! (rushes to the door again) Chinese food.

ANG: …children.

TONY: The children are going to love this. I forgot the kids! (Tony rushes out the door) I’m out of here!

(audience laughter)

ANG: Mother, do you think Tony’s acting peculiar?

MONA: Angela, it’s easy to forget the kids. They’re small!

ANG: It’s not just today. He’s been preoccupied all week. He’s out almost every night. I had to plan my eggnog party around his schedule.

MONA: (putting her hand on Angela’s knee and looking serious) These are the times that try men’s souls.

(audience laughter. Tony reenters with Sam and Jonathan)

TONY: Here they are. Kids!

MONA: He’s forgetful, but he’s fast.

JON: We got a ride home with Mrs. McCarthy.

SAM: Yeah, I told her my Dad didn’t care about me anymore.

TONY: What are you talking about? I got Chinese food, a double order of ribs!

SAM: He cares, he cares!

TONY: Hey listen, I can’t stay for dinner. I’ve got to go out.

ANG: Again?!?

TONY: Oh yeah, it’s Christmas time, right?

ANG: Well, I know, but…

TONY: But, tomorrow, tomorrow, I’ll stay home, I promise. I’ll make scampi à la Tony, the best, I promise.

ANG: But I need you to stay with the kids tonight. I have to go Christmas shopping.

TONY: But, Angela…

MONA: Tony, I’ll cover for you. I love Chinese. It’s my only vice. (beat) Well, at least it goes well with the
others.

TONY: (rushing over to Mona and kissing her) Mona you’re the best, I love you! (kisses Sam) I love you, bye Sweetheart. (turns to Angela to kiss her and thinks better of it, mutter under his breath) No, no I don’t kiss you.

Scene Two: Later that evening in the Bower living room. Mona is still working on her short story. Tony enters through the front door.

TONY: Hey, Agatha Christie. How are you doing?

MONA: Great! Someone is killing off all the gardeners in a small Connecticut town. The police are stumped. The town is paralyzed with fear, and all the lawns are going to seed.

TONY: Chilling Mona, chilling.

MONA: Our only hope lies with our heroine. (strutting around the room and flipping her hair) A sexy redheaded grandmother, whose detective skills are only surpassed by her incredible body. And I think…(noticing a red stain on Tony’s shirt)…the housekeeper did it!

TONY: What this? (pointing to his shirt)

MONA: Ahh, fresh gardener’s blood!

TONY: You got me Mona, I caught him fooling around with my begonias!

MONA: (licking her finger) This is not gardener’s blood. This is tomato sauce. And you smell like pepperoni.

TONY: You got it Mona. (turning to the kitchen door) I’ve gotta get this kitchen cleaned up before Angela comes home.

MONA: (pulls a paper hat out of Tony’s back pocket) And what is this? Yet another clue! Pizza Playland! (teasing) Are you working there? (sees the expression on Tony’s face & is shocked). Tony, are you moonlighting?

TONY: Hey look Dick Tracy, you got me, all right. I just needed some extra money, that’s all.

MONA: Why…(noise from outside alerts them that Angela has arrived home)

ANG: (off) Mother, open up!

TONY: (pointing at the kitchen) Stall her Mona, I gotta get in the kitchen!

(Tony exits to the kitchen, Mona goes to answer the door)

MONA: I’m coming. Hold your horses!

ANG: (handing her purchases to Mona) Oh, well, it cost me a bundle, but I got something wonderful for all
my employees.

MONA: Scrooge!

ANG: (confused) Mother, what are you talking about?

MONA: (whispering and pointing to the kitchen) Tony is holding down another job at night because you don’t pay him enough to even buy Christmas presents for his little girl.

ANG: (defensively) Humbug, Mother, I just gave him a nice Christmas bonus. He’s working a night job?
Why?

MONA: I don’t know, but he said that he needed the money. Ahh! You don’t think he’s in trouble do you??

ANG: I don’t know, but I’m going to find out!

MONA: (excited) Do you have a plan?

ANG: (frankly) I’m going to ask him.

MONA: (disappointed) Angela, you wouldn’t last five minutes at Scotland Yard.

(audience laughter as Mona exits the front door and Angela shakes her head)

Scene Three: Tony is talking on the phone in the kitchen.

TONY: (into the phone) Look, I know I’m late, but I got the money! I promise, Saturday morning, I’ll be there. OK. I got to go.

(Angela enters the kitchen)

ANG: Tony.

TONY: Oh, I’m just setting the table for breakfast. You know me, always one step ahead of the game.

ANG: Mother told me what you’re doing.

TONY: Angela, do I look like the kind of guy who kills gardeners? Come on.

(audience laughter)

ANG: No. But you look like a guy who’s working two jobs.

TONY: Oh that, uhm, look, I know I’ve been out of the house a lot lately. But only at night! And I’m still doing a good job around here, right?

ANG: Well, you did put the red towels in the wash with Jonathan’s white shorts…

TONY: But now a days, it’s cool for guys to wear pink, huh? (beat) Listen, I don’t know.

ANG: Tony, are you in some kind of trouble? Do you owe someone money?

TONY: Angela, look, thanks for your concern, but this is kind of personal. I mean, you’re going to have to give me some space on this one.

ANG: Oh, of course Tony. I hope you don’t think that I was prying!

TONY: Oh, no, no!

ANG: It’s just if you need anything…legal advice maybe.

TONY: (firmly) Angela, thank you, but no, ok?

ANG: Oh. OK. Gambling debts, are they after you?

TONY: (staring intently at Angela) Who is they?

ANG: You know, them! People who (imitating a tough guy accent) talk like this.

(audience laughter)

TONY: You mean guys with laryngitis?

Scene Four: Tony is singing to himself in the living room when Angela enters.

ANG: Oh, hi. It’s gorgeous out. What a day! I’m in a wonderful mood.

TONY: Me too! Me too! (holding the mail) I just paid all of my December bills!

ANG: Well, good for you.

TONY: Uh, huh. Hey listen, I’m going to run down to the corner mailbox and drop these off.

ANG: (noticing one bill left on the table) Oh, wait, you forgot one.

TONY: Oh no, that one’s got to be there today. I’m going to deliver that one myself.

(Tony exits out the back door, and Angela saunters over to the remaining bill, curious)

ANG: Oh, I see.

(Before Angela can look at the bill, Mona enters through the front door)

MONA: Hello!

ANG: Hi Mother, how are you?

MONA: Don’t change the subject. What about Tony! Did you talk to him last night?

ANG: I did. He said it was personal and I didn’t pry.

MONA: (seriously) What good are you?!?

(audience laughter)

ANG: (excited) Mother, well whatever it is, he’s going to take care of it today. (pointing to the table) With that envelope.

MONA: (moving to the table) Oh…

ANG: (stopping Mona)…no, no, no, Mother, it’s really none of our business.

MONA: You’re right, you’re absolutely right.

(both Angela and Mona lunge for the letter. Angela picks it up)

ANG: (reading the envelope) G.F. Lipari. Who could G.F. Lipari be?

MONA: (beat. Then stares at Angela, knowingly) Godfather Lipari!

(audience laughter)

Scene Five: Later that day in the Bower living room. Angela is wrapping & counting Christmas presents. There is a knock at the door then Mona enters.

MONA: (excited) Angela, I’ve got great news!

ANG: (annoyed) Well, I’m glad you do Mother. I’ve got 62 employees and 61 presents.

MONA: So, what’s the big deal. Fire someone.

(audience laughter)

ANG: That’s the Christmas spirit, Mother.

MONA: (looking like the cat who ate the canary) Angela. I found out today that Tony is not in trouble!

ANG: (concerned) He’s not? That’s wonderful. How do you know?

MONA: Well, elementary, my dear Angela! I went for a little ride today, and I just happened to find myself in Brooklyn. In Tony’s old neighborhood, actually.

ANG: (disapprovingly) Mother, you followed him!

MONA: I know. I almost lost him. I couldn’t find a parking space, but…

(Mona’s story fades into her memory of Tony walking down a street in Brooklyn with her following behind using all her available sleuthing skills)

MONA: …but Mona Robinson never loses her man. I got there just in time to see Tony duck into a building. (In Mona’s memory, Tony ducks into a building) And I followed him! Up to the third floor, and there she was.
A beautiful dark-haired woman. (We see Mona’s memory of Tony entering an apartment with a beautiful woman. Mona, who is outside the door after Tony goes in, reads the label on the door) G.F. Lipari!

(Fade back into Angela and Mona on the couch in the Bower living room)

ANG: Mother, what are you saying?

MONA: Oh Angela, take it out of neutral! (audience laughter. Mona shouts with excitement) He’s keeping a woman!

ANG: Shhhh!

MONA: (more softly) He’s keeping a woman. Isn’t it wonderful?!? And all this time, we thought he was in trouble!

ANG: He’s keeping a woman! I am rearranging my life for him so he can fool around with some (condescendingly) Flatbush Floozy!

MONA: (still ecstatic retorts back incomprehensibly while dancing with joy)

(Tony enters)

TONY: Hey Mona, I’m glad you’re here. You gonna stick around for some real good scampi, the best I ever made?

ANG: (to Tony, accusingly) That’s terrific! I have rearranged my eggnog party to accommodate you! I have
sent my son to school in pink underwear, and why?

TONY: I give up!

ANG: So you could sneak down your back alleys to some torrid tryst with a Neapolitan nymphet!

MONA: Sounds so romantic!

TONY: Yeah, it sounds great. Where do I sign on? What are you talking about?

ANG: Do you deny that you were in Brooklyn this afternoon?

TONY: What if I was?

ANG: With a check for a certain Miss G.F. Lipari?!?

TONY: Hey, what are you two tailing me? When did you turn into Cagney & Lacey?

ANG: Your little peccadillo is beginning to affect my household. I think I deserve an explanation.

TONY: (defensively) OK, you want an explanation? Mister Lipari is my father’s landlord. I’ve been paying the rent on his apartment.

(Angela spins around and glares at Mona)

MONA: (accusingly) And, what about the mysterious dark-haired woman?

(Angela spins around to face Tony)

TONY: That’s the mysterious dark-haired daughter of Mr. Lipari!

MONA: (trying to look innocent) Oops! Boy Angela, you were way off on this one!

(audience laughter)

TONY: The guy raised the rent on me. So with Christmas coming on, I didn’t know if I could make it. But I did. OK?

ANG: (guiltily) OK. That’s very commendable.

TONY: Thank you.

ANG: You’re welcome…

TONY: …dinner will be served in five minutes.

ANG: OK.

TONY: Hey Angela…

ANG: Yes?

TONY: …you thought…

ANG: Well, I just sort of…

TONY: Try to get your mind out of the gutter, all right Angela?!

(Tony exits to the kitchen & Angela turns to Mona who is sitting on the couch)

ANG: This is all your fault.

MONA: (standing dramatically) Angela, why lay blame? Angela, I have a terrific idea!

ANG: Forget it!

MONA: (not discouraged) Why don’t we invite Tony’s father here for Christmas, huh? It’s Tony and Samantha’s first Christmas in Connecticut. Wouldn’t it be nice if they had some family with them, hmm?

ANG: Well, it is a good idea, Mother. Even if it is yours.

MONA: I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!

ANG: All right, I’ll go ask.

MONA: Oh, good!

(Jonathan and Samantha enter the living room. Jonathan is holding some sort of statute that he must have made)

JON: Mom look!

ANG: Oh, Sweetheart, that’s wonderful!

SAM: Told you she wouldn’t know what it was!

ANG: (shifting gears) Sam, come here, come sit down. Honey, how would you like it if your Grandfather Micelli came to spend Christmas with us?

SAM: That would be great Angela. But I think you’re a little late.

ANG: Oh, does he already have plans?

SAM: No. (looking from Angela to Mona) He’s been dead for over a year.

(Sam exits up the stairs)

MONA: Well, you were way off on this one too Angela!

(audience roars with laughter)

Scene Six: Tony and Angela are in the kitchen doing the dishes.

ANG: Tony, I kind of asked Samantha if your father wanted to come here and spend Christmas with us?

TONY: (amused) Yeah? What did she say?

ANG: Well, she didn’t think he could make it.

TONY: No? (seriously) You know, he’s, he’s dead.

ANG: That was her reason too.

(audience laughter)

ANG: Tony, this may be none of my business, but it seems a little unusual to keep paying rent for someone who…well isn’t really in the position to appreciate it.

TONY: (head bowed) Hey look, Angela, the apartment is uh, it’s no big mystery. I mean, finding a place in the City is rough so I’m hanging onto this one. Just in case things don’t work out with me and you living together. (realizing what he said) Not that me and you are living together living together.

ANG: How do you think things are working? With you and me not living together.

TONY: Oh! Terrific! Great! Why, don’t you think so?

ANG: Oh no complaints here!

TONY: Oh. Hey, you tried the rest till you got the best!

ANG: (seriously) Why don’t you let the apartment go?

TONY: I will. As soon as I get it cleaned out.

ANG: Well, Tony, I know that it’s tough to...clean out a place after someone, you know…

TONY: …dies.

ANG: Right, that. I remember when Daddy…

TONY: …died.

ANG: Right. Mother and I went and cleaned out his office. (beat) Oh I used to love that place. He had a big mahogany desk and a view of the City.

TONY: (fondly) My old man had a view of the City too. Right from the back of the old garbage truck.

ANG: (interested) He was a garbage man?

TONY: Yeah. Right on the block where I lived. He loved that job. I don’t know, I mean, somehow he made it great.

ANG: Tony, what about the place.

TONY: I’ll get it done. I’ve just been busy.

ANG: (knowingly) Would you like to take the day off tomorrow?

TONY: (nods hesitantly)

Scene Seven: Tony is alone in his father’s apartment, looking at a photo of the two of them. The apartment is a little run down, though homey, with a couch in the middle of the living room. There is a kitchen off to the left and a door to another room. There is a Christmas tree in the corner and a crucifix on the wall. Angela knocks at the door, startling him.

ANG: Tony!

TONY: (panicked) Angela? Oh, hold on! (Tony shuffles some papers, trying to look like he’s being productive. He goes to answer the door)

ANG: Hi.

TONY: Hi.

ANG: How’s it going?

TONY: (forcing a smile) Oh, I’m just packing up a storm. What are you doing here?

ANG: Oh, well, I left work early and I thought you might need some help.

TONY: Yeah. Come on in.

ANG: So. This is where your father, uhm…

TONY: …lived.

ANG: Right. (starts straightening boxes) You know Tony, I always find that sometimes, at times like this it helps if somebody comes and helps you, you know, like somebody who doesn’t really have an emotional attachment to these…

(Angela accidentally knocks over a box that contained an urn. Ashes from the urn spill onto the floor)

ANG: I’m sorry. (mortified as she realizes what she knocked over)…Oh, my God. Oh, Tony, I’m really sorry.

(Tony leans down and vacuums up the ashes with a dustbuster)

TONY: Angela, it’s ok.

ANG: Oh Tony, oh no!

TONY: Angela, this is from the fireplace! (realizing what she thought) My father’s safe and sound in the Jamaica Avenue Cemetery!

ANG: (saving face) Well, I knew that! (beat) (Looking around) Looks like slow going around here.

TONY: Yeah, well, my father had a lot of (beat) stuff. (picks up a baseball off the mantle) Hey, speaking of stuff. See this ball? This ball’s signed by all the ’62 Mets. Hey look…Marvelous Marv Throneberry. Choo
Choo Coleman. My old man was the biggest Mets fan that ever existed. (beat) You know, he was the one that got me interested in baseball in the first place.

ANG: He must have been so proud of you when you made it to the Major Leagues.

TONY: Proud. He was dancing in the streets. (beat) You know, I remember when I came to town with the Cards, you know. My father took out a whole section of the right field bleachers. He brought everybody he knew. And some guys he just met in the parking lot! You could, hear him chanting all the way out to the dugout. Tony! Tony! Tony! Yeah, I was so nervous (beat) I struck out the first three times I came to the plate. Then I come up in the 9th, you know, there’s two on, there’s one out. I hear him chanting. Tony, Tony, Tony!

ANG: (knowingly) You hit him a home run, didn’t you.

TONY: I grounded into a double play.

(audience laughter)

ANG: Well…

TONY: But Dad was happy. I mean, hey, his kid was playing in the Major’s, and the Mets finally won a game!

(audience laughter)

ANG: (looking straight into Tony’s eyes) You must miss him.

TONY: (voice laden with emotion, looking straight back at Angela) Yeah, I miss him a lot.

(Tony crosses the room away from Angela)

ANG: (confused) There’s, there’s a Christmas tree! You, you weren’t planning on spending Christmas here were you?

TONY: (choking back tears) That’s uhm. That’s from last year. My father died kind of sudden right before Christmas, you know. (crosses his arms in an emotional self-defense) My present’s still under the tree.

ANG: (goes straight to the tree and picks it up) It’s been a year, don’t you think you want to open it?

TONY: Yeah, I guess. (making light) You know, he always said I was late for everything! I guess this time he was right.

ANG: Come on. (under her breath) You can do it.

(Angela hands the present to Tony who unwraps it)

TONY: It’s his pocket watch. (looking up) I get the hint!

ANG: (taking the watch) Oh, it’s just beautiful. (notices that it is engraved) Oh, there’s an inscription. To my
14 carat son.

TONY: (taken aback) Angela, I don’t think I can handle this.

ANG: (being brutally honest) Tony. You’ve locked your father’s memory away in this apartment for a year.
Why don’t you give him a break? Come on. Take him back to Connecticut. So he can be with his family.

Scene Eight: Later that day in Tony’s father’s apartment. Angela is hauling a heavy box from the bedroom into the living room.

ANG: (struggling intently to carry the box) Tony! I think this should just about do it! (Tony reaches to take the box) No, no, no, it’s heavy. Really heavy!

TONY: (takes the box from her easily with one hand) Well, it’s not so much heavy as it is clumsy.

ANG: (pointing to the box) Tony, that’s a great record collection.

TONY: Yeah, huh! My old man was a sucker for these Big Bands, you know. (flipping through the records) Tommy Dorsey, here’s Glenn Miller, Les Brown and his Band of Renowned. You know, you should have seen my old man do the lindy.

ANG: What are you going to do with all these records?

TONY: I don’t know. I mean, I guess I could give them to some retirement home or something like that. (looking insecure) I mean, this is pretty cornball stuff.

ANG: Right. But, I love it.

TONY: (thrilled) You do? So do I!

ANG: You do?

TONY: Yeah! So that means I can take them home and we can play them all the time!

ANG: Samantha and Jonathan will hate us!

TONY: I think that’s the way it’s supposed to be!

(audience laughter)

ANG: Well, I guess this is it.

TONY: Yeah. Monday morning Salvation Army comes and cleans the rest of this stuff out.

ANG: Right.

(Angela puts on her coat, getting ready to leave. Tony pauses and looks at her)

TONY: You know, (beat) my old man lived here 15 years. And now this is a room full of (beat) (softly) old furniture.

ANG: (realizing that Tony needs to say goodbye) Tony, why don’t I take the suitcase down and then I’ll wait for you in the van.

TONY: Angela. (meaningfully) Thank you.

ANG: (sharing a moment with Tony, both of them knowing she has been here before with her own father) You’re welcome.

(Angela exits the apartment leaving Tony alone with his memories. Tony looks around for the last time, hearing Big Band music in his head. He turns out the light and shuts the door. The camera pans the apartment in the dark, only a few pieces of furniture remaining)

Scene Nine: The Bower living room Christmas morning. There is wrapping paper and presents all around & it is snowing outside. Everyone is talking adlib.

MONA: Well, that is the end of the presents, thank heavens. Did everybody get what they wanted?

EVERYONE: Yea!!

SAM: Thanks Dad! (kisses him)

TONY: Merry Christmas, Sweetheart.

TONY: Hey Mona, what about you? (sexily) Did Santa treat you good this year?

MONA: Too soon to tell. He’s meeting me at my place later.

(audience laughter)

ANG: I have an idea. How about a little Christmas music? (Angela turns on a Big Band record & starts to dance alone. Mona joins in)

JON: Mom, what are you doing?

ANG: Doing the lindy, honey.

TONY: You call that the lindy? I’ll show you how to lindy. (Takes Angela in his arms and starts to dance with her as if they’ve done this for years. The Bower-Micelli clan look like a real family & talk amongst themselves as the kids start to dance too. Tony flips Angela over his right hip in a fancy move, surprising her)

(The scene fades out of the Bower living room and into a picture of Tony Danza with his real-life father. The screen reads “This story is lovingly dedicated to Matty Iadanza, Tony’s father)

End.