The Second Night



Tony watches Angel leave the study to answer the ringing doorbell. That would be Peter and John, arriving for their scheduled meeting. He crosses the room from where he stands, as if with feet of clay, and falls into the sofa. He raises his hands to rub his hair haphazardly as he often does when he is stressed and confused. He can only wonder what has happened in the last twenty-four hours. And what lies in front of them for the next twenty-four, he and Angela, remains an unsettling mystery.



Too anxious to sit any longer he stands again and paces the small, pleasant study. He finds himself standing over her desk and reaches for the hanky she‘s left there. It damp,…with her tears, he's certain.



Only last week they had shared one of their special moments. He couldn’t have imagined then what lie in wait. They’d had another of their silly squabbles…this time over getting to a movie on time…but they ended up watching a late night video together instead, as though nothing had ever happened. He thinks how he loves that about them…..their ability to argue and then dismiss it. As if these little things had no power over them…. could never drive a wedge between them. But what of this thing…this thing that can’t be ignored, this thing that is no little matter? What of this thing that may destroy all that they‘d become?



As he holds her hanky to his cheek his mind races backward to last week once more. Later that night she had sweetly agreed to watch the movie with him and so, like countless times before, they sat together on the couch watching a video. And like countless times before, as they watched in comfortable silence, his arm found it’s way around her shoulder and her head rested on his and her hair smelled so good…..and he could feel her warmth through her robe, and the yearning was strong. Ahhh,…the yearnings. The yearnings were always there and they were growing stronger and 'that' was their problem. How could he have these feelings for his friend…his best friend. Of course he’d realized long ago that she was much more than his friend. They’d talked about it more than once earlier this year, in Jamaica and at home. Yet nothing had been resolved and here they stayed in this agonizing limbo of desire and uncertainty.



Tony’s flashes of memory in the past few minutes illuminates for him his place in this unusual family. Something stirs within him…sadness sweeps over him…he wants to recapture his feelings of contentment…he wants to feel settled once more. He wonders if that will ever be possible again.



As he reluctantly releases her hanky back onto the desk he turns toward the door she exited only minutes before. Why didn’t I stop her? Why did I leave it up to Angela to do all the talking? What kind of jerk am I?



He understands why he did what he did. All the tentative intimacy had taken it’s toll on him and though he didn’t go looking for this new relationship, as he’d told Angela, neither did he close the door in it’s face when it came knocking. He let it happen and he acknowledges this to himself but he also acknowledges that it felt good to be close to a beautiful woman again, in that way. He immediately feels ashamed of this thought but he can’t deny it’s truth.



His thoughts turn again to the woman he knows he just devastated, to the woman he cares so deeply for. She didn't deserve this from me. And what she just did here a few minutes ago, he thinks, was amazing. He knows she tried to ease his guilty feelings by letting him off the hook, by telling him we should see other people. He puts his head in his hands again and rubs his hair. Even so, his initial reaction to her words surprised him. He’d felt an uneasiness at the thought of 'her' seeing someone else, of the possibility of 'her' doing what he had already done. What chances have I taken, he thinks, by opening this dangerous door?



A sense of panic begins to set in when he understands the possible consequences of all his actions this day. Stop her Tony, before she leaves with Peter and John. I have to keep talking. But what will I say? That I made a mistake…that I made too many mistakes in the last twenty-four hours? Tony still seems to be made of stone as he just stands and stares at the door that would take him out of the study…..the door that would lead him to Angela, where he might yet be able to right this wrong…to set his world back on it’s axis. Even so, he doesn’t move. He continues to be paralyzed by his own fears and confusion.



He hears the front door open and realizes they must be getting ready to leave. The panic he feels intensifies and becomes the impetus he needs to push him through that portal, that barrier to his possible future. He exits the study now and sprints towards the living room, calling her name. “Angela!”…just catching a glimpse of her as she leaves with Peter. Where’s John? Why is she leaving with only Peter? Why is he leading her out the door with his hand on her shoulder? That’s 'my' shoulder, he thinks irrationally…the one I want to put my arm around when we’re alone together late at night. When we're sitting side by side, our bodies touching, listening to the rhythm of each other’s breathing. That’s the shoulder I feel against my chest when we’re dancing slowly to some old song. That’s the shoulder I should have caressed with my lips while I told her how I feel. But he knows that can’t be, not yet…not at this time. And now, ...maybe never.



He is brought back to the present by this realization and again remembers why the events of this day and previous night took place. He couldn’t risk losing what they have and so, without thinking, he carelessly took the opportunity that came to him. And now the consequences begin as he watches the front door close behind her. And now he knows last night and today are lost to him…to them…but he’s sure he will do everything he can to salvage their deep, abiding friendship, at the very least. I know Angela wants that much too…she said so. The panic begins to subside as he considers what to do now.



It is much later that evening and Tony sits alone in the quiet living room. It is dark save for a small night light on the desk by the front door. He checks his watch again. It‘s after midnight. Where can they be so late? He’s tired, physically and emotionally, from the events of the day. But he won’t go to bed. He will stay here all night if he has to, until she comes home. There’s more talking to do. I’m not ready to give up yet. I have to make her understand how I feel now, now that I've thought about us all night.



Hours have passed when he finally hears her key in the latch and the door opens. Angela enters and puts her purse on the desk. She doesn’t see Tony and assumes he has gone to sleep for the night. She sets the alarm, leans down to remove her shoes and carries them silently up the stairs, trying to be quiet. She has not gone far when she hears...



“Angela?”



Tony’s voice startles her and she turns around.

She looks tired, he thinks. Maybe this should wait until morning he thinks, but he understands it will only become more difficult then.



“Tony. It’s late. Why are you still up?”



“I tried to catch you before you left tonight but you didn’t hear me.”



They are both speaking quietly because of the late hour.



“I heard you,” she replies, “I just didn’t answer you.”



Tony is taken by surprise.

“You…you heard me? And you didn’t stop?”



Angela looks into Tony’s eyes and he recognizes the sadness in hers.



“What’ was the point? There’s really nothing more to say right now. We both just need some time to get used to this new....rhis new.... situation.”, she implores him softly with those eyes, “We need a little time.”



To his surprise Tony feels hurt by what she’s said. He continues to speak to her in low tones.



“Angela, I’ve had a lot of time to think tonight…all night while I’ve been waiting for you to come home. And I don’t want to get used to 'anything'. Do you know what I'm trying to tell you here Angela?" He hesitates hoping for a response from her but there is none, so he continues, "I’ve decided not to see Kathleen again and I think I’m ready for us to start moving forward.”



He returns Angel's gaze with hopeful eyes and waits for her reply.



Angela places her shoes on the step she stands on and comes slowly toward Tony. She lifts her arms and puts them lightly around his neck then leans in to kiss him softly and briefly on the lips. He's close enough that he can see the tears welling up in her eyes. But he doesn’t have time to respond because she immediately steps back, hands clenching one another, and looks into his dark eyes.



Before the stunned Tony can say anything, she speaks again.



“If you had said those words to me in the kitchen this afternoon, or in the study tonight, I might not have been able to contain my happiness. We'd still have this huge obstacle to get by but it would have been a start. But Tony, you didn’t say them then. You could barely speak at all. And I’m...I'm afraid you’re saying this now out of some kind of...of fear...or guilt.” The tears spill over and she wipes them away with her hand.



“That’s not true Angela. He's pleading. Maybe earlier it would have been...but not now.” Tony blurts this out defensively.



“Tony, do you hear yourself? Just a moment ago you said you ‘think’ you’re ready for us to start moving forward. What does that even mean? No I…I think we’ll be doing the right thing now by…by...seeing other people. I think it‘s for the best.”



He steps closer. “But you just kissed me Angela…like you have feelings for me.?” he says out of desperation as he feels his panic on the rise once again.



“And I do have feelings for you. You know that. And I know you have feelings for me too. But we let 'other' feelings get in our way…so for now, this...this is what we need to do. A stray tear rolls down her cheek and together they reach to wipe it away, their hands touching. They stare at one another without a word...just a sad look. Then she turns, picks up her shoes and starts up the stairs once more.



“Angela?” he calls.



“Yes?”, she responds without turning around.



“It’s not for the best.”, he says strongly, to her back.



Now she turns to look at him, and whispers.... “I don’t understand.”



“It’s not for the best Angela…our seeing other people.”



He can feel her hesitation and that encourages him to continue.



“Look, I don’t know what will happen over the next year while I’m still in school. Maybe we’ll have to continue to take this undefined thing of ours day by day…but I know I don’t want to lose what we have…'any' of what we have. I’m not saying this out of anything but what I feel." He touches his fist to his heart. "I’ve done nothing but think about us since you left the study tonight and I don’t think I can take your no for an answer." He quickly continues so she can't interrupt. "I made a huge mistake Angela and even though I don’t have any right to ask you this…well…I’m asking you anyway. I’m swallowing my pride and I’m asking you to do the same.”



Angela is riveted to the steps as she listens to Tony.



“Pride is our real enenmy here. I know what I did was reckless…I don’t excuse it and I don’t expect you to either. It was wrong. I took a risk but I’m not ready to risk everything 'again' Angela….are you? I know we can’t go back to yesterday but we can try to protect tomorrow,...can’t we? He looks to Angela and she sees confidence and determination on his face.



“Angela, I mean every word I'm…..”



“I believe you Tony.”, she interrupts and for the first time since this morning, which seems like a lifetime ago, he sees traces of a faint smile on her face.



He breathes deeply and feels a gentle shiver run through him. Why am I being given this second chance?, he asks himself. What did I ever do to deserve you Angela?, he thinks.



He doesn't want to lose this moment and he doesn't know what else to say so he asks, “So…want to watch Love Story tonight...uh, tomorrow night?”, he asks.



She takes time to look in his eyes and to look in her soul but finally responds, “Hmmm. Love Story huh? Are you sure you want to watch something so sad? Something that leaves you with so little...hope? I was thinking more like...maybe 101 Dalmations.”



He lets out a silent sight. “Yeah. That 'is' better. I love that movie. And my favorite part is …”



“The end. I know.”. she says. “When all the little puppies end up at home…together.”



“Yeah.”, Tony agrees, as he thinks about tomorrow night....the third night. “Together.”



They take a few moments to smile into each other’s eyes and they know it will require time and effort from both to move back into their special place…but they agree that 101 Dalmations is a good place to start.



The End